The control was horrible.
It became abusive.
How do I forgive when she sent me into a depression for many years. Im still depressed for missing out on my teens because of her.
2006-12-04 19:57:31 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Stop blaming your mother for your depression. Your depression is not her fault. You need counselling.
As for missing out on your teens? You did not. You simply missed out on everyone elses typical experience. Big deal! Look at the positive sides of what you experienced. They helped shape who you are right now and if you took personal responsibility for yourself and became a person worth being, then those experiences were meaningful.
While your mothers behavour was clearly not your fault, the ways in which you internalise her behavour even now, is your choice. Her behavour is her problem. She probably even has reasons for it. Hell, she may have even thought that being over controlling was protecting you in some way. It doesn't matter anymore now though, you are an adult. Stop living in the past.
2006-12-04 20:17:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋
I read your previous question. If you'd stated it this way, I'd have answered differently...
I'm sorry for your pain. Part of forgiving is recognising that it is in the past and she cannot do it any more. Part of forgiving her is talking to her, if she's around, and finding out what made her do certain things - rather than ask WHY WERE YOU THIS WAY...
When you are a mother yourself, this will raise it's head again, so be kind to yourself and recognise that it is over now, and you are master of your own destiny, and you do not need to carry bitterness in your heart. Perhaps talk to a counsellor or a close friend.. you didn't miss those teen years, though, honey, you just lived them a little different to others. There's plenty of time now to be who you want to be, so don't allow the abuse to continue by NOT moving on... If you stay fixated on this, you will end up allowing her to rob you of your present too.
2006-12-05 04:06:22 · answer #2 · answered by Sugar 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People forgive even criminals. She is your mother. If she was abusive it was mean of her. She may be having her own problems why she behaves the way she does. If you are an adult and finished your studies take up a job and move to paying guest accommodation or a private hostel. This way both of you will have peace. Dont look back as you can not alter things. You can enjoy life if you are on your own. See that you dont do any thing which is bitterly against our social customs.
2006-12-09 00:21:16 · answer #3 · answered by rams 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to forgive her, and frankly, if you don't want to, you won't be able to - all you'll be doing is repressing your anger and that will just make you more depressed. Perhaps one day you will be able to accept the fact that she let you down, and still love her. But the only way to do that is to EXPRESS your feelings, not repress them. Only then would you truly be able to forgive, if you choose to do so.
Dwelling on "missing out on your teens" though, isn't going to get you anywhere very fast, and certainly isn't going to compensate for whatever you feel you missed. If you can find a good counselor and work through your issues, you'll be a much lighter and happier person.
If you can't find a good counselor, you're welcome to join my online group - it's free and anonymous.
2006-12-07 12:12:21 · answer #4 · answered by askios007 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
You are Angel. Angel's forgive every one on the earth.
O God Forgive Them Who Do not Know What They Are Doing.
Enjoy Life
2006-12-06 03:46:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
i would say forgive her. she did over control by not means of hurting you infact by means of saving you from this cruel world. she didnt realise she was over controlling it thats the only mistake done by her, but dont punish her for things done by her by mistake. think about it and dont repeat the mistake what she did on you. good luck.
2006-12-08 05:14:08 · answer #6 · answered by Hidimba 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how can u think of punishing a parent? because of a parent u have taken birth. she might have taken a hard choice by bringing u in this world. Normal Delivery is almost equal to rebirth to a lady.
You can not even think of forgiving ur parent. u have to just love and accept them.
2006-12-05 06:41:22 · answer #7 · answered by SureshkumarYVS from hyderabad 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
it's your choice to forgive or not to...no-one else can or should make that decision for you...when the time is right, you'll know.
2006-12-05 04:06:06 · answer #8 · answered by admiralawesome2006 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
...you don't have to forgive if it is not possible but you need to put it behind you and move forward....Go to counselling
2006-12-05 04:06:35 · answer #9 · answered by lol_des 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When you have your own children,you will understand.It is not over control bur is over love and worry about you.May be they will forgive you for blaming them.
2006-12-05 22:53:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋