I am blessed to have several really good male buddies. I feel close to one in particular. Never have I mentioned my orientation and I feel that is just something that should not be discussed -- that there are some things that are kept private, even with the closest of friends. What's your take on this sort of thing?
2006-12-04 18:57:59 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Follow your instincts. Some friendships benefit from that level of honesty and some can get torn apart. if you're not feeling it... don't reveal it.
2006-12-04 19:46:56 · answer #1 · answered by Whatev' Yo' 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think orientation is generally something that is known amongst friends. I certainly know the orientation of all my friends, and they know mine. Gay, strait, or bi, it is natural to want to talk about your crushes and dates and things with friends, just like you would talk about anything else going on in your life. You shouldn't feel obligated to discuss anything about yourself that you don't want to, no matter how close you are to someone. But if you are withholding information because you are afraid of what someone might think, you aren't being a friend to that person or to yourself.
Your orientation is a part of who you are. If you cannot share this with your closest friends, that is a problem. I would suggest some serious soul searching and perhaps counseling to help you become more comfortable with yourself. Once you are sure about who you are, it will seem natural to want to share that with your friends.
There is nothing to be ashamed of, whatever your orientation, and your real friends should feel just the same about you if and when you do decide to share more of yourself with them. If they change toward you, it may hurt at first, but in the end you have to realize that a true friend would not turn their back on you. If a person likes you for who you are, simply letting them know a bit more about who you are won't change their feelings toward you in the slightest.
2006-12-05 03:12:18 · answer #2 · answered by J 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That would have to be the sad part about being a homosexual.
My first reaction when I saw the title was...
"It is not much of a friendship if you are lying to them".
But now that I read the full story...
My advice to you is to not tell them...
But realise that one day they will find out...
And they won't be too happy about it...
You must avoid any situation where they might undress in front of you...because the day they find out...it will be the first thing which come to their mind and they won't like it.
And I don't know what you mean by feeling close to one of them.
Just don't get too close.
What you are doing is similar to a heterosexual pretending to be gay so that he can get close to a woman.
When the woman find out...well...you can imagine.
If I was in your shoes... I would try to find out what their thoughts are on homosexuals... and if you feel confident that your friends have a positive attitude about it...I would tell them.
However...if their attitude is negative...you might seriously consider finding yourself some new friends.
2006-12-05 03:30:50 · answer #3 · answered by Aussies-Online 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've always felt that if it's going to affect your friends, they need to know. And, unfortunately, for a lot of people, this is something that will affect them- not necessarily badly!- and they will want to know. Not to mention that anytime you 'withhold' information from friends, they feel you have been lying to them when the truth comes out. It's sad, but true.
Mostly, I don't understand how this won't affect your life- I understand sex being private, but what about the people that you are dating? I'd want to share that with my friends.
Main point: you shouldn't have to let anyone know your orientation, but, that said, you should.
2006-12-05 03:02:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay I see what you're saying but really, if you can't talk about yourself openly to him how is this person really your friend?
If he's good friends with you as you claim well, sometimes we need things to 'test the waters' otherwise how can relationships grow? I realize you like him a lot NOW but I don't think that friendship can continue to develop unless you're honest with him.
If he takes it the wrong way, tries to start **** with you etc. at least you know where he stands.
And with all due respect if you're one of those gay guys that thinks hanging around a bunch of straight men makes you feel all poweful and manly, you have some self-esteem issues IMHO.
2006-12-05 04:09:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
In my experience, even if you only fairweather friends with someone, they are going to ask you questions: Do you have a boyfriend? Are you married? Do you have any kids? What was your last boyfriend like? etc. Aslo, they would try to get me to cruise guys with them, ask me about what I think of this fellows butt, etc. (If they are straight girls, that is).
If you are gay, and close friends with a straight person or people, it seems that the only alternative to telling them your sexual orientation is to lie about it, or to let them draw their own conclusions. If you have been close friends for a long time, and youve never lied and never told, then they probably already assume that you are gay.
Thats all i got.
edited to add:
I am a female.
2006-12-05 03:28:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Close friends and family should love and care about you unconditionally. If that he can't be your friend if he knows you are gay, then that's a condition on your friendship.
I wouldn't want friends or family like that, and I don't. I don't think I should have to lie about who I am just to retain them as such. There's nothing wrong with me and if they perceive that there is, then they are the one with the problem, certainly not myself.
If you feel differently, that's fine. Some people like lying to their friends and having their friends lie to them back. I just don't happen to be one of them.
2006-12-05 04:30:45 · answer #7 · answered by John Smith 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I share everything with my close friends (straight women and gay men). There's nothing we can't tell each other. True friends accept you for who you are. Sexual orientation is a major part of who you are as a person. I would be kind of hurt and offended if a close friend didn't share it with me.
2006-12-05 06:08:13 · answer #8 · answered by DawnDavenport 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have told my closest friends. Being my true friends, they haven't judged. But, it took me three years to tell my closest friend. Don't feel like you have to rush things-do it at your own pace because it is your life not theirs.
But, imagine their reaction once they do find out you are gay from someone who isn't as "close".
2006-12-05 03:12:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm very open with my closest friends. I think that's what makes them my best friends. Part of that is maintaining communication with them. Let's face it, how can someone be friends with someone if they don't even know the person?
2006-12-05 03:10:30 · answer #10 · answered by carora13 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you don't feel comfortable in telling your close friends, that is ok. Only do what you feel is necessary for you. Chances are, if you are extremely close, that he already has guessed. It shouldn't make a difference in your friendship. Good luck.
2006-12-05 03:02:35 · answer #11 · answered by mightymite1957 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋