How do you get over the loss of a parent.?

Question

I know that u dont get "over" it but its been almost two years and i cant seem to get past it

Answer 1

Thank you for asking this question... My wife lost her mother (and only parent, as my wife was adopted) a few days ago. I am doing my best to handle everything I can for her, but since I've never lost a parent I don't know exactly what to do for her. So it was helpful to read the responses. I am trying to plan the service, take care of financial details, close accounts, contact family, help our kids to understand, etc. Anything I can do to ease her burden. Then, of course there is her place and her things, which will come later.
I am trying to help her with the loss of her mother by doing things I/we think her mother would appreciate. Her mother was a teacher in a small town, so we are planning a second 'memorial service' for the community and kids. We are also planning to do a scholarship in her memory (although I'm stil figuring out the details). Next year we will take a family trip to scatter her ashes. I wish that could be sooner but we hope to do it on her mom's birthday and maybe the 6 months will give my wife time to let go and make it easier on her then, instead of all at once (I hope). I also read a short chapter on grief in a book of lessons from one person who lost his father when he was 12. He said that upon the death of his dog his dad reminded him not to 'bury his heart' and hide his emotions, 6 months later he lost his dad. (I think, I'll include a reference to the book in the source section). As a result I plan to remind my wife that she should mourn her mother's death, but also celebrete her mother's life!
I hope all this is beneficial for her. Maybe you could try similar things to embrace the memory of your parent... Again, thank you for asking the question.

Answer 2

First of all, have you tried any of the grief support groups? That would be the first place to start and having others in the group who have also lost loved ones is quite the comfort in this time of your grief.

Now ... here is the personal Experience -- My siblings and I buried our parents while we were very young adults (and I do mean very young) ... and we STILL (and it is quite well over a quarter of a century since their loss) that we continually reflect on how we WISH that they could have seen what we did with our lives -- putting ourselves through UGrad and Grad Degrees, working our way up the ranks in the Military Service (and Retiring one by one), purchasing our own Homes, working hard all our lives, and just doing well all around -- being responsible citizens and adults .. and surviving and overcoming all the obstacles in our way.

You will NEVER get over the Loss of the Parent(s) -- but in time, you will begin to focus not on the loss, but on the bittersweet times that happened before the loss -- the times they did care for you when you were ill, the sacrifices they made, how they encouraged you and shaped your personality, how they taught you to be AN ADULT and to take charge and be responsible ... all that ... and ... during Christmas, their birthdays, and .. other days -- remember by visiting their gravesite, praying for their salvation and happiness in the afterlife, and LIVING -- LIVING the best life you can -- as an Eternal, Living GIFT of THANKS for them being your parent(s).

Answer 3

Less than two years isn't a very long time to get over the loss of a parent. And even if it was five years, emotional processes shouldn't be judged in terms of time. So, I would suggest giving yourself as much time as you need. Also consider that there are many ways to help yourself grow and heal. Here are just a handful: taking time for yourself to experience how you feel; sharing with friends and family; getting massages; exercising.

Answer 4

My sincere condolences on your loss...believe me, I understand. I lost my mother when I was 13. I lost my father when I was 30, and my wife lost her father a few years ago, so I know from personal experience how hard this can be. When your parents are gone, a piece of your life has disappeared. It's as though no one is there to validate your childhood any longer. It feels so strange to have them gone.

I think it's important to allow yourself to experience your feelings. Keep in mind that you're not going crazy, that seasons really do change, and believe it or not, you will be happy again...it's not going to stay this way forever.

It's important that you stay busy. Don't sit at home or curtail your life's activities, for life goes on. On the other hand, it's okay to feel your feelings...to go ahead and cry, to recognize that you miss your parent and that you're lonely for your parent.

Try to rejoice in the good memories. Honor the good things that your parent brought to your life, and the things he or she has instilled in you. Visiting the cemetary (and placing decorations on the tomb) is a comfort to many--you might consider that also.

You might consider finding a grief support group in your area if you sincerely feel that you cannot cope. But honestly, the best adivce I can give you is to feel your feelings...allow yourself that...don't fight those feelings of saddness or loneliness. NO body (not even you) can dictate when you should "get over it". Time will heal those wounds that you recognize and allow yourself to feel. Know that I feel for you, and I wish you well.

Answer 5

I have deep sympathy for you. You will get past it in time but you will never forget. Concentrate on the good memories. I lost my mother when I was 8 years old. I have always felt her with me. She has been my guardian angel. I have always tried to please her and I know that we will be together someday. I have a poem to share with you. I has given me great comfort.

Don’t cry at my grave , cause I won’t be there.
I’ll be in the breeze ,that ruffles your hair.
I’ll be in the sunshine. I’ll be in the snow.
I’ll be in the places, that we use to go.
Ill be in your laughter and in funny things.
I’ll be in your shadow and there in your dreams.
I’ll be in your greetings but not your goodbyes.
I’ll be in the reflection, of your loving eyes.
I’ll always be with you and I’ll always care.
Don’t cry at my grave side, cause I won’t be there.

If you live close to where she is buried you can visit her grave and talk to her. She will listen. She is gone but not forgotten.

Answer 6

you can never get on over a loss of a parent i`ve never been through it but you have to move on cause they would want you to move on you just have to stay with the good memories of them.

Answer 7

every one deals with death differently my friend has the same issues if it consumes your life see a psychologist that may help to talk it out and have meds maybe

Answer 8

you are right ,,, you never 'get over it' but somehow you must learn to live each day without them in it. i, too, am struggling with this. i lost my dad (who was my everything) on dec. 19, last year. i wish i knew what to tell you. i wish i knew myself. i have lost others in my life but dad's death has devastated me. but we have to somehow 'go on'. i know that is what they would want. they would not want us in pain and greiving. but it is hard to do.

Answer 9

Have you tried counselling?????