She is the one for me.We were first love years ago and finally reunited 10 years later.been dating 3 mo. but I'm scared to ruin a great thing. She came out a bad divorce and has been alone for several years.She comes close for weeks at a time a then seems to be a 1000 miles away the next. We were meant to be together but I can't lose her again.
2006-12-04 17:28:18 · 17 answers · asked by kseajones 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
WOW - this is a tough situation. If you just do it - there is a huge risk. Divorce really tends to mess a person up no matter how they feel about you. It takes a long time for some people to get over a divorce or bad marriage and for some - the fear of getting married again and making the same mistakes is terrifying. It sounds like it's just going to take some time, love and patience on your part. It's good to ask her questions like, you know sometimes it seems like you're 1000 miles away and then your close. Can I ask why is that? Draw out her feelings and help her sort through things. If you do that - you'll know when the right time to propose would be. You may already know the reasons for the divorce and you'll have to consider what mistakes she may have made in the past - it takes two to tango and usually 2 people make mistakes prior to a divorce. You need to be there to help her sort through those issues if she's willing to let you in. If she's not willing to let you in - it's definitely not the right time to propose. If you propose too soon and she runs - you've lost her again anyway. If you wait for the right time - you stand a good chance. If you've never been married then you can't possibly totally understand how she may be feeling about marriage now and what she is going through so be careful and sensitive.
2006-12-04 17:35:59 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"K",
The risk is a little high right now for proposing. You should concentrate on being supportive for now; "Love is patient!"
Ok, dating for 3 months? I'd say keep going as you are and let nature take over eventually, don't rush!
The thing is, being Divorced once before, I can relate to your GF. When we get "stung" in a previous relationship, the recovery time can take as long as the person needs, which there is no set time, and when you stated that your GF comes close then seems 1000 miles away the next, it's a sign that she could be getting scared about getting heavily involved again. Get me so far???????
All you need to do is give her alot of space right now., she will appreciate that. Not meaning for you to hide away or anything, just be her Friend, be there for her if she wants to talk about her feelings, and put marriage on the "back burner" for now.
You sure can't lose a thing by being her Best Friend through this transition from Divorce right now, and you won't lose her since it looks like it to me she needs uyour support more than ever now.
Hope this helps. Looking at it from my point of view.
You both are in my prayers!
2006-12-04 17:48:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Say to her that if she doesn't mind you need to talk to her about something personal first , so that way she is a little prepared for what may come. And then when you do ask her, don't put her on the spot (may-be) I mean..Try something like asking her but at the same time (before she can even reply) tell her she does't have to answer that tonight and then just act like you always do with her ...not leaving her on the spot of having to anwere but yet still the same man she can be friends with (I don't know, does this make sense to you?) I really don't know how to explain it..ahhhh! Just be yourself man, she's not gonna leave you if she does say no, I mean she cares for you now, just because you ask her something doesn't make u a disease, and whether she say's yes or no It's most likely gonna be aswell, 20 years down the road , the same answer anyway so I say go for it baby, by the sounds of you she's in love anyway! Like I said,"she's not gonna make u a disease. sunnydays (ps look at it this way, If you don't ask her, U will go crazy wondering anyway"!)
2006-12-04 17:39:47 · answer #3 · answered by sunnydays 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, that depends, if she has got over her divorce. Before u propose to her, ask her causally what her feelings are on marriage ...and that what she sees herself in the years to come. If marriage is on her agenda, then break the news to her gently. 3 mths after a long period break , may be a bit too fast to break the news now..Maybe seek her opinion on the above as i mentioned, then see how u want to take it from there. I suggest u treat her well to show what a life she could be missing with u, if u want her to feel the same way u do...
2006-12-04 17:32:23 · answer #4 · answered by Maheswari M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have only been dating for three months and as you said she has had a bad divorce so if it was me i would talk to her and she if she wants to get married again at all and if she says yes then maybe ask her if she has thought of a future with you in it and if she has then don't worry about proposing just yet leave it for another couple of months. just talk to her about marriage first
2006-12-04 17:36:47 · answer #5 · answered by megan p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is so sweet. ok what i think you should do is try to ask her little questions that would tell you how she feels about marrige and u. the if u pick up a good vibe you should pop the question yelling her that u dont want to scare her and u dont want to loose her abd u feel that she us meant for u.and tell her that she dont gotta give u the anwser right then but to think about it and wait till she's ready.
2006-12-04 17:37:29 · answer #6 · answered by jizzy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it would be a beautiful Christmas present to a woman who has been alone for 7 years since a divorce! Go for it as you obviosly love her!
2006-12-04 17:32:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her. Don't just pop the question. Just ask her what she thinks about it or start a conversation that will lead into it. If she's receptive to it then maybe you ask. But 3 months seems too short to be talking about marriage.
2006-12-04 17:31:14 · answer #8 · answered by bigsmile78 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk about it as a hypothetical and test the waters. Ask her if she ever thought about getting amrried again. Get a feel for what she is looking for out of life and go from there.
2006-12-04 17:39:00 · answer #9 · answered by svcouple7677 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your not sure if it would scare her away or not then I would talk to her about it first. Just get her opinion on the future and what she wants. if your both on the same page then set something romantic up and pop the question. GOOD LUCK!! :)
2006-12-04 17:39:57 · answer #10 · answered by Danielle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋