Tell me what a good husband is like??

Question

I am a christian married woman going on ten years. I would like a christian point of view. What is a good man? Do your husbands get on your nerves too? I know mine has an anger problem. He is verbally abusive as well. I know divorce is wrong. I just want to leave most of the time. Its like all I want is for him to come home and be nice to me. Gentle. I don't ask anything from him but respect and kindness. Is that too much to ask for? Serious answers please.

Answer 1

The Good Husband's Guide
"Put us together, and we add up to a fairly decent human being." said a happy couple rephrasing a profound biblical truth:
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).

When two people become one, they compensate for each other's deficiencies. While husbands benefit greatly from being married, but often don't communicate it well. Women are into relational nuances—the meaning behind the meaning behind the meaning.

Relationships are usually complex, and guys are pretty basic. A husband tends to think in concrete terms. Instead of pondering his marriage, he'll picture the woman he comes home to at night, the woman with whom he has children, the woman with whom he shares his bed. Call that a relationship if you want, but you'll just confuse your husband.

A Good Huband could possibily be:

1. Always make getting and keeping a full-time job with regular raises, benefits, bonuses and the potential for prestigious advancement your number one priority in life. Remember always that you have a wife and children who need your financial support, and that it is your responsibility to provide for them to the best of your ability.

2. Always arrive home refreshed and happy - put your bad day or your confrontation with your boss, the traffic, the crowds or the physical exhaustion you might feel aside and try to arrive home as cheery and lighthearted as you possibly can. Your wife has been struggling with the children and the housework all day, she does not need to hear about how bad your day was.

3. Be prepared to help with household chores when you get home - let your wife relax or talk on the phone since she has been dealing with these problems all day. Make supper for her often, and offer to clean up afterwards so that she may rest and feel appreciated.

4. Do not bore your wife with stories of the troubles you faced at work today. Remember that you are lucky to have a job and that many other men would be happy to trade places with you. Remember that it is not masculine to complain or let worries trouble you. Your job is to provide, and whatever you must go through to achieve this is part of your lot in life. A good husband knows that he is lucky to have a wife at all, and that a woman wants a strong, silent man she can depend on.

5. Never expect your wife to have contributed to the smooth operation of the household. She has had a busy day and cannot be expected to provide meals or clean clothes for you. Never insult her by asking her to do such things while you're out earning money. Be mindful always that your wife may think you are being sexist if you ask her to help make a home for your family as part of your partnership.

6. Be prepared to account for your whereabouts every minute of the day, including an explanation as to why you were away from the phone when she tried to call or why you were unable to chat with her for twenty minutes when she did get through to you. You must always put her interests first, and be mindful of her natural suspicion about her husband's activities. A good husband knows that men can't be trusted, and that a wife has every reason to believe you will hurt and humiliate her.

7. Do not grumble or gripe about handing over your paycheque to her - she is in control of your finances and knows better than you how to spend or invest your money. Never assume that the money you earn is yours to do with as you will - you have a family to think about now, and their needs must always come before your own.

8. Listen avidly to your wife's complaints. She leads a hectic life and needs to feel listened to and appreciated. Never suggest ways in which she might solve whatever problem is vexing her. You need only listen; your suggestions are likely insensitive and unfeeling anyway. And do not counter with complaints of your own. She would love to have the chance to leave the house and work, she does not need to hear about how difficult your job is.

9. Be prepared to give up your weeknights or weekends to whatever projects or socializing your wife has in mind. If she has determined that cleaning out the garage or painting the upstairs bathroom would be the best use of your time, never complain that you would like to relax or pursue personal interests instead. She has every right to expect that you will make repairs to the house or help her redecorate during your time off. Do not be so selfish as to ask for personal time. You are a family man now, you do not have the luxury of personal time.

10. Always be prepared to take over in caring for the children when you get home from work. Your wife has been busy all day and deserves some quiet time. Allow her to watch television or chat with her friends on the phone, go shopping or simply relax. They are your children too, and it is unfair of you to expect to come home from a twelve hour day and simply put your feet up.

11. Never grumble about having to support children you didn't want to have. If you were irresponsible enough to help her get pregnant, then it is your duty to pay for that child for the next eighteen years. If you decide to have sex, you must know that pregnancy may result and be fully prepared to take responsibility for it. This, of course, does not apply to her. She doesn't have to be responsible for her actions, and can abort a child she conceived any time she wants, whether this breaks your heart or not. Accept this stoically. She has the special privilege of being able to kill her unborn child, carry it to term and give it up for adoption, or have it and raise it all by herself if she wants, but you have the responsibility of simply living with whatever choice she makes and quite often paying for it, too. Remember, you have no right to be a parent and no right not to be a parent, you are just a man. A good husband knows his place.

But remember it TAKES TWO TO TANGO and here are some suggestions for you too:

1. Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

2. Prepare yourself. Take fifteen minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

3. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

4. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.

5. Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his personal comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

6. Be happy to see him and Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

7. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not one of them. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

8. Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

9. Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself body and spirit.

10. Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

11. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

12. Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him, unless you have ample reasons for infideliety or if he is lying.

13. A good wife always knows her place.

No one so much as blinks at the way husbands are treated in this era, and never will as long as men are so thoroughly unappreciated and so completely abused, but proud enough, strong enough, and mature enough not to complain.
Good Luck>r

Answer 2

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change = yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. They don't respect women or children. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man.

Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Answer 3

The only husband I can talk about is of course mine. Yes he is Loving, Caring, Respectful, Thoughtful, Considerate, He is a Great Father and Husband. He's not abusive physically, mentally or verbally. Oh he does have his bad points too like he can't get his clothes in the laundry basket to save his life, he snorers and he is a bit of a workaholic. And he likes my cooking, but I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
And I understand that you think that because your christian that you can't get a divorce even if your husband is in anyway abusive, but you have to remember that GOD would want you to be safe and loved. I believe that what he wants for everyone.

Answer 4

When a man isn't happy at home and when he's being verbally abusive to his wife. I like to ask my self why is he acting this way? Does he have another women on the side, does he loath the thought of having to come home to me every night? what is making this man so dam miserable? is it money problems, does he feel bad about him self? too much stress at work? what is going on with him? think back has he always been a jerk? When you find the source of the problem maybe then will you have your peace.

I believe it's wrong to divorce but on what grounds is it okay for a man to treat his wife like crap? Maybe you should leave for a few days let him have his time out maybe he'll have time to THINK about how you really feel.

Answer 5

I guess your husband is not a christian too? Doesn't the bible say a man should love his wife just as he loves his own body?

A good man is honest & respects you as a person, doesn't cheat or lie, or blame others for his shortcomings.

You're not asking too much. If he's willing to go to counseling, that may help. Everyone gets on their spouses nerves at some time. If both people are willing to look an themselves and change you could have a good marriage again.

Answer 6

As an advocate I can only advise that you should not live with this man who has no respect for you. If you are a house wife it is high time you start working. If you are not much qualified try babysitting or doing other odd jobs. This way you can lead a dignified life. As your husband is insensitive and abusive there is no point thinking how should be a good husband and that it is wrong to divorce. What ever be your cast or creed you are entitled to be treated with respect.

Answer 7

Girl I am a christian as well but if this man you call your husband is abusive you need to stand up to him and let him know that you are not going to take this any more give him a week or two to change and and if he dose not change tell him you are going to leave him. he should have respect for you all of the time not when he wants something from you. I know before I got married I told my husband of 16 years now that he was going to get the same treatment from me that he gives me and we have had a pretty good life.. start packing your cloths and get a storage unit and store your things that are yours cause if he dose not change he is not going to let you just walk out of the house with all of your stuff. you need to find a woman's shelter that is the close to you keep the number handy. they will help you when you think the time is right when you want out. I hope this will help you out.

Answer 8

If you find a perfect husband, let me know! BUT A good husband should NOT be verbally abusive. He should treat you with respect and think of your feelings first. I was in a verbally abusive marriage for 23 years and I am a Christian woman. It got to the point it was doing a number on my health and I got out. I don't think God wants us to have to put up with that. He wants what is best for us.

Answer 9

you should have a talk with ur husband or u will have to leave him altogether. Its very hard to live in an environment where u r either pgysically or verbally abused bec it eventually eats away ur self pride and self respect. a marriage is only worth keeping if the feelings are mutual based on love and respect for each other. Eventually love will fade, but respect should remain till old age.

Answer 10

A good husband is not abusive in any way, shape or form. He accepts you for who you are, he respects you, and he works with you to make your marriage last. Divorce is not wrong if you are in an unhealthy relationship. No husband is given the right to abuse their wives...and you should not tolerate abuse. My husband is a very good man because he accepts me for who I am, he is never disrespectful or abusive, he treats me like his equal. It is not too much to ask for respect and kindness! Don't let him treat you in anyway less than perfect.

Answer 11

The best i can figure, is that maybe sometiomes people can become so miserable about themselves, that they can not treat others any better. It seems that the ones they hurt most are those closest to them. The ones who are trying only to love them.

Until his self-image, self-esteem, (whatever it is) is turned around, Dont expect him to treat you any better than he feels about himself. Could he be suffering from depression? Good Luck.