if a thirteen year old is not doing that well in school?

Question

and that child has everything they need; should their christmas gift be kept from them?

I am the type of parent, who is on top of everything, but above all I’m her confidant we talk about everything. She knows that I love her because I make sure I say it and show it a lot. At this point, I feel like she is taking me for granted. I work my schedule around my kids they are my priority. Even though is hard for me, they have everything they need and more, we spend lots of quality time together. I have given her many chances, when it comes to school, which is her only responsibility, aside from the chores that she has at home. I love my kids they are wonderful people, and I don’t want to do them a disservice by giving them always what they want.

Answer 1

No are you crazy

Answer 2

To have material things is not having everything. Your child is at a age where many thoughts are running through their head. Mybe he/she needs more conversation. Tell your child how it was when you were 13. Can you even remeber? The crazy feelings and thoughts that we had. What about the fear of the future and thinking about death. 13 year olds are complexe little human with not much expierence, you will have give them expierence.
We had the same problem and we had the talk about society how it works and that there is much more then school. But school is a part of society and it has to be done. We provided tutoring were needed and spent more time watching over the home work. But what really made the difference was the talks, talks about our childhood. After awhile she opened up totally and when she was frustrated with school she always came to us with your worries.
I would not change anything with the xmas gifts, its to late for that. Wait until then new year and talk to your child. About how things must change on both sides. You will get alot further that way, more trust and less punishment.
Good Luck

Answer 3

How many times have you sat down and worked with the child as the homework was being done? How many times did you review the homework before the evening was done?

Do you allow TV on school nights? Is the child required to help
keep the house clean, take out the trash, clean the bathroom?

Do you allow the child to close the room door where it sleeps and you beg to come in? Do you know everything that the child
has in its room and where it came from?

Giving lots of things, and what ever the child wants is not parenting! Do you provide spending money without the child working for it? Do you require the child to SAVE a percent of however much money it gets?

Shut down Christmas presents, tolerate no ugly faces, back talk or slammed doors. If the door is slammed, take it off the hinges.

If the mouth is ugly, take way the computer, never let the child walk/run away from you cause its mad!

Who is the parent? Who is raising whom?

Answer 4

I believe newbie is right.

Christmas is about the love of Jesus, The mother Mary, and of course our God.

Give her the Christmas gift, watch her face light up.

Maybe sometime on her Christmas break, sit her down nicely and be very calm and understanding. Have a very open mind on what she says.

Point out her grades, and ask what has been going on.

Please, remember at the age of thirteen, girls go through a VERY stressful state.

Try renting the movie "Thirteen".

A real thirteen year old girl went through all of the pressure in the movie, and she was the character "Tracy". She was the co-writer of the film, at the age of Thirteen, but the girl who wrote it played "Evie".

Make sure you watch it and see if any of the same symptoms are affecting your daughter, she may be having a hard time at school with her friends, boys, etc.

Personally, when I was 12 I went through some of those things. There's no escaping it, all kids go through it, it just depends on whether they make the right decisicons or not!

If you need any help, feel free to email me.
I can come to a lot of help. Why? Because i'm going to be 14 in 5 days!

I grew up fast, because like I said, I went through half of those things when i was 12. I stopped though and I am in therapy and helping other teenagers make the right decisicons!

I really hoped I helped. Make sure you rent the movie, reading about it isnt the same.

Please email me with the results!

my email is [e-mail]

thankyou!

Answer 5

Wow. Would not to be in that house. Do not to that. A Christmas gift is a gift from love. You will do unrepairable damage. Your thirteen year old will resent you and remember that Christmas all their life. That is a terrible price to pay. I implore you to give the gift with love an encourage your thirteen year old to do better the next school session. Keep the lines of communication open with teens. They do hear you. My parents had a great line when we went out. "If you find yourself in a situation that you are not comfortable, just call us. No questions asked". Being a parent is not easy, but the rewards can be far more than you can imagine. Don't blow it by withholding a gift at Christmas.

Answer 6

For goodness sake this is Christmas time.A time of love. Insteadmake your child pull her weight aroundathome during the holidaysespecially if she wants to go out By that I mean requesting her to do set chores. Home is where kids learn responsibility.There may be reasons why she is not doing well at school. Talk to the teacher.

Answer 7

NO! A Christmas gift is about love.... no performance. God sent his Son to us in spite of our sin.... and that was the greatest gift.

If that child is not doing well in school, sit down and discuss WHY they are having problems. Respond accordingly. If disciplinary action is needed, make it something relavent, like an earlier curfew until the grades come up.

Don't take Christmas away. That would be a message that your love depends on the child's performance. Love should always be unconditional.

God bless,

Sue

Answer 8

No----there are better ways to deal with it. maybe get some tutoring and some extra help. Give them ways that they can improve their performance and keep up with assignments. As the parent you should be involved, make sure they do their homework, help keep track of grades and assignments and talk to the teacher in the classes they are having trouble in to find out why and ways you can help. Holding a christmas gift is not going to do anything but make your child upset and angry and resentful

Answer 9

In order to make this type of decision there should be more revealed of the situation and what is causing this child not to excel. Has the child been given too much and therefore making life meaningless. I was always taught you have to work for what you get which makes achieving what you are aiming for more appreciated when you recieve it. I really don't believe Christmas is the time for punishment. This might be sending the wrong message. Chose another time to withhold something special.

Answer 10

No, it should not be kept away from her. But you should limit what she wants until she earn it. Because Xmas is about the love you have to share.Not giving gift. Xmas should be share everyday. And your main Xmas gift should be getting to the bottom of her problem, which it maybe like all other teen ager peer/boy trouble. Get her focus. And i promise that will be the greatest Xmas gift she can use.....For Life...

Answer 11

absolutely not, that would be unspeakably cruel. Better to discuss what the problems at school might be, offer support and help, not punishment. I'm sure the child isn't doing badly on purpose.