Is he afraid of being hurt or just playing a game?

Question

I've known a man since I was 14. I am 23 now. When I was 18, we had a huge argument and it was my fault. He never hit me or anything like that, he simply told me how he felt. I, being my age, acted stupidly and chose to never speak to him again. That was 5 years ago. I got married shortly afterwards and had two children. Now I am divorcing and have been seeing the man I used to be with for a few months now. He was living with his ex wife (they were still friends) and invited me over to spend some time talking. We talked for hours. After a few visits of this, one thing led to another. His ex, on the other hand, didn't like it that he was talking to me. She told him, after we talked on the phone that first time, to never talk to me again. He refused. I don't know why, that's one question. Since then, he got a 1 bedroom apartment just in case my children and I move in with him (his words). I honestly love him. I've been keeping him company at the new place until he's

settled. He tells me things like how he wants me there with him and stuff, but also knows I am going through a divorce and won't say exactly how he feels. I asked him flat out one time if he loves me, and he kissed me and said "Time will tell". I know I hurt him big time before, but he's not really the type to hold things against somebody. He actually blames himself for what went wrong, and I keep telling him he doens't have to because it's my fault. I have apologized. That first time we sat and talked, he said stuff along the lines of he wants children in the future (my children were there and we were playing with them) and that I will always be part of him no matter what. He also likes to do things for me (not money wise, more like helping with every little thing). He said that meeting me long ago was a blessing. He also, one time we were in the bed, said he loved me, and this wasn't in passion. That's why I asked him if he loved me in the first place. So, is it love or not?

Answer 1

Don't ever be afraid to be happy - just because you had hard experience with your husband you are divorcing doesn't mean that you have to be scared of every coming relation.
Take your chance and try to be happy, if this man is not the one to make you happy you will just move one, if you don't try you will never know what could have happened and you will always regret lost moment.

Answer 2

I think that you should both be afraid of being hurt. It sounds like he still may have some baggage with his ex. Not to mention you are still technically married! This will probably not be the man for you. I could definitely be wrong but I know that you are going through a lot right now and him being there has helped through some tough times. Don't forget the most important people in this, your children! They are so important and the choices you make DO and WILL effect them!

Take time with your new/old friend. If its real then there is no reason to rush, it'll be there!

Answer 3

I will say there is potential it could develope into something very serious....but not right now. It's way too soon for both of you. Each of you need to lose the baggage from your past loves before proceeding into another relationship. Don't let that "rebound" thing get you into trouble.

Answer 4

Forget what you’ve seen on TV. The plots of countless crime shows notwithstanding, Stout says, “even trained psychologists are very bad at discerning the moment when someone is telling a lie.” Rather than studying your date’s face for an unconscious twitch or a furtive sideways glance, “you’re better off trying to figure out this person’s character,” which is revealed more by his conversation than by his body language or facial expressions. Which brings us to…

Ask the right questions. Stout recommends asking (not grilling) your date about his past romantic entanglements, then listening very carefully to what he has to say. “If he attributes everything that went wrong to the other person, then he’s not taking responsibility for his own life, and such people often turn out to be liars.” This doesn’t only apply to past girlfriends: If, for instance, he says he left his last job because his boss was “a jerk,” that’s a red flag, too.

Stand your ground. If you decide to challenge your beau about one of his half-truths (or outright whoppers), be prepared for a barrage of excuses. “Often times, such people will try to appeal to your honesty and empathy,” Stout says. Here are some lines you’re likely to hear: “I was turned on by you so much, I just couldn’t bear to tell you,” “Please don’t be angry, you’re the only one who understands me,” and “I’ll never do it again, can you please forgive me?”

Don’t fall for the “rebel” routine. “A sociopath feels himself to be outside the law, social or actual,” Stout says, “and not only does he like to bend the rules, he also wants you to help him.” So if your date casually says things like, “Let’s have sex in the elevator,” or “Let’s just sneak into the movie, no one will notice,” don’t be surprised if he’s dropped a few lies as well during the course of the evening.

Know when to cut your losses. Surprisingly, Stout takes a more lenient stance than the classic expression, “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.” “I have a list of rules for dealing with sociopaths, and one of them is The Rule of 3’s. If this person has misled you once, it could be a mistake or misunderstanding. If he’s done it twice, it can still be a mistake (though that’s less likely). But when it happens three times, that’s when you know you’re with someone who deals in falsehoods.”

Don’t blame yourself. Per the first point on this list, Stout says, many women tend to beat themselves up after becoming involved with a pathological liar, because they cling to the “superstition” that they should have been able to figure things out right away. “Lying is difficult to detect,” she says, “so you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself.” Get away from the liar in question, and get on with your life without berating yourself.

Answer 5

it's not love . y ou seem to have alot of problems. Here's the solution: just move on . Find yourself a hobby and make yourself happy before you find someone

Answer 6

you have a lot of problems and you reaaally need time to think move on in my opion?

Answer 7

yes,ok