My father just recently passed away from cancer and I've been taking care of him for almost a month before that. (I am a nursing assistant ) No one helped me and my mom take care of him other than my dad's brother off and on. I've been talking to a good friend of mine like everyday most of the time. She never asked to come by to visit my dad but expressed concern and sympathy to me during conversation. She mentioned to me she thought about coming by but she didn't want to intrude in which I let her know she was more than welcome if I'd of known I would have honored her concern. Once he passed again we continued to stay in conversation. My father's side of the family created alot of drama and fuss that as of today my father's ashes aren't buried still. I did have a memorial dinner this past saturday for him to honor his life since there was no funeral or wake. My so called friend stopped calling and answering her phone one day before and as of today I still haven't heard from her why?
2006-12-04 14:49:18 · 16 answers · asked by kc_cuttie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
im so sorry to hear abt ur dad. well let me tell u one thing: its in situations like these that the true character of a person is revealed and if ur friend doesnt want to keep in touch or talk to u, then why must u worry abt it. such people are not worth thinking abt..... and she isnt worth calling a 'friend' coz she isnt one. get to know other people...who knows u may actually find a God-given friend!
2006-12-04 21:06:37 · answer #1 · answered by moi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I'm sorry that you lost your Dad. I'm sure you loved him very much and will miss him always.
Sometimes people don't know the "right" things to say when someone they care about is grieving. This may be the case with your friend. Your friend might not know what to say at all, knowing that nothing she can say will bring your father back. That said, she may feel guilty about not calling you or accepting your phone calls, making it even worse for her to see/call you.
You might want to send her a note through the mail, letting her know how much your friendship has meant to you. Let her know that she was your rock during the end of your father's life, and that you hope the friendship can continue after you have moved through the grieving process. Tell her how much you appreciate the fact that she gave you space while you were in your darkest moments.
She'll come around. This behavior is fairly normal for people who haven't experienced death in their own lives, or who have been through exactly what you are feeling, and know that time heals all wounds.
2006-12-04 22:58:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry about ur dad sweetie.
Ur friend maybe one of those people who just can't face it when things like this happens becasuse it hurts her to see others hurting.She may never have been taught too or maybe something happen in her family and she had a hard time with it. Some people have a hard time express themself when it comes to death because death is scary. She may really want to be with u but she just can't face it because she feel she may say or do something wrong and make matters worst.
I know it's not about her but she but she might just not want to face it because it reminds her that someday she, u and her family member will die someday.
She just don't know how to handle it and she's staying away because she's scared.
U can always call her later and talk with her about how it hurt u that she wasn't there, maybe u can get to the gut of why she wasn't there for u even if it was just a call or card.
Good Luck
I hope u and she can fix this
God Bless
2006-12-04 23:06:59 · answer #3 · answered by itspink22@sbcglobal.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry for your loss. You deserve a big hug for helping take care of your dad. I know that couldn't have been easy. No it's not fair that your friend is not being more supportive at this very painful time in your life. But maybe she is doing the best she can do. A lot of people are really at a loss when it comes to knowing what to say and do when the people they know lose a close loved one. I know because my brother died 6 months ago and I didn't even get the support I needed from my own two sisters. Everyone handles grief in their own way. I went to see a grief counselor and that helped get me over the hump, but there is still a hole in my heart that I feel will never quite heal. I will say a prayer for you. Pray to the Lord and ask him for his comfort and he will help you get through this. God Bless You.
2006-12-04 22:59:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She just might not know how to be supportive at a time like this. It can be difficult to think of the 'right' thing to say when someone's father dies. Let me take this opportunity to give you my sympathies for your family's loss. You've stood by your father to the very end and that's a wonderful thing.
As far as your friend, she might be going through a difficult situation herself. It could have nothing to do with your friendship or your recent loss. Keep reaching out to her. Perhaps you two can eventually sit down and talk about what's been going on.
God bless you
2006-12-04 22:54:38 · answer #5 · answered by Julie N 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she doesn't know how to handle this situation herself. some people feel uncomfortable at funerals wakes the whole shibang.. I think she's trying to let you know she cares and sent her condolences. but i dont' think she feels comfortable being over there with you when your father was dying and now of course the ceremony.
So she is a bit distant . but she is trying in her own way to let you know by phoneing you and talking. but don't push her to come that is just how she feels.
This is why she was no where to be found or by phone 1 day prior to your memorial dinner. she probably knew you may invite her and she just couldn't go.
2006-12-05 00:27:38 · answer #6 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear about your father passing away. I know that God will heal you, and you are healing for the simple fact that you are discussing the situation. I think that your friend is hurting for you, and doesn't know what to say to you. People often find it difficult to deal with hurtful moments in life...It also may be too much for her to bear...It touches a spot in their heart that it could be their loved one...people don't know how to deal with the pain, and don't know how to act while others are hurting. It's a somber situation dealing with parents passing.
Stay in courage...God will bring you through....Although at this time you do need to be surrounded by strong uplifting encouraging people. Your friend didn't want to "intrude" and see your father suffering. But I think she should pull herself together and at least give you a phone call. And yes I think she should have showed at the memorial dinner out of respect. But as I said everyone does not have the same level of faith...it takes God to deal with painful situtions. Be in courage in Jesus name
2006-12-04 23:01:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Until she lets us know, we will not know why. My speculation would be that she, like so many people, truly do care. DEATH, however, is a specter feared to the point of paralysis in many people. They mean well, but cannot deliver in the emotional upheaval caused by death.
I feels like your friend couldn't handle the combination of watching your dad die, her friend so stressed, and her own feelings. Now she is feeling ashamed and afraid to speak with you. Send her a little note, less threatening than the immediacy of a phone call. Tell her how much you appreciate her reaching out during the time. Explain how you know you have not been yourself, but would sincerely welcome the opportunity to be friends again.
2006-12-04 23:10:14 · answer #8 · answered by Joe Cool 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe death is a hard issue for her to deal with and your father's passing is bring up emotions for her that she is having trouble dealing with.
Maybe she doesn't know what to say or thinks of this as a family event and doesn't want to intrude, or she feels uncomfortable even if you say she is welcome.
If she didn't know your father very well maybe she doesn't know what to expect.
There are countless maybe's I could put here. If the friendship means anything to you I suggest you ask her about it in a non-confrontational way. "I'd really like for you to be here for me right now because I value you as a friend, is there anything bothering you? I've noticed you've been distant...is there anything we can do about that?"
Good luck and try to be open minded to preserve your friendship.
2006-12-04 22:58:20 · answer #9 · answered by az 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Death is a hard thing to go through, and I am sorry for your loss.
Your friend might be struggling dealing with the death, and not able to know how to support you and that your friend just might be scared to be part of this ordeal. Your friend might be waiting for things to cool down, and maybe your friend may have experienced a painful memory of a death, that your friend just not able to endure any more pain of flashbacks of once memories of pain before. Be patience, and just ask questions to your friend, and tell your friend that you had a expectaiton from them and felt disappointed and hurted of lack of support in need during your own time of grieving.
Everyone grieves differently, and I hope that this might encourage you to go ahead forgive and be patience with your friend.
2006-12-04 22:59:27 · answer #10 · answered by ourjacobdavid 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋