What should I do about my father?

Question

Growing up my father was physically abusive. However, he stopped it cold, but made up for it with a sea of mental abuse. I grew up very lonely and suicidal.

Now that I am a father I realize just how much I suffered needlessly. He is now a tired and lonely old man and I feel badly for him. But because of him I have so much seething anger and pain that it has squashed my life. I'll never have a normal life, though I've done okay in the last decade. But I'm searching inside myself to find a way to be his son for him now and I'm not finding it. Part of me wants to be there for him, but a larger part of me doesn't give a flying **** if he kicks off. I'm stuck.

Answer 1

he is your dad no one show how to bring up kids and it is verry hard to do it and when you are done with it they older move you sit at home and you see what you did wrong life is verry hard any way his job -his wife your mom he has to make erverthing fit in and so it will go right an alot of thing you did not know about at all im not saying it right what he did but im sure he try to do what he was thinking was right 75% of the time
he was not right for what he did
but have you try talking to him and dont hole back ask him anything about the way he did it and why he did it telling about your felling how you fill now you live or life dad by day min by min
he may not be here to much longer when they are gone there is no more talking to him about this and it will realy fuc- your head then if he die
and you dont talk i clear up everthing with my mom an dad before they die im glaa i did because if i did not i go nut by now clear it up with him and talk it out if he will do it if not just go on your way and never look back at all it is the hardest thing you have to do in life but if he dont want to talk to you about it and how you fill about it he not your dad no more

Answer 2

I can certainly see your dilemma. It is hard to get past what your Father did to you as a child. Whether physical or mental, abusing a child stays with them for a lifetime. I don't know if you have ever talked to your Dad about what he did in your childhood, my guess is that you haven't. That would be a good place to start. You need to tell him how his treatment of you made you feel as a child and how its effecting you today. Your Dad needs to own his behavior, his admission that he indeed did treat you inappropriatly will free you to be able to forgive him and maybe forgive himself too. From there who knows maybe the two of you can start to heal and finally have the Father Son relationship that you both missed. In turn, you could start being the Father that you want to be to your children. A Father who isn't full of anger and rage. Its only a start, and from here you must decide to take that first step, but I have faith and wish you many happy times in the future.

Answer 3

Exactly if he kicks off you are the one left with all those bad memories I told my friend the same thing but his mum is dieing now but you know what? he reached very deep into himself and is pulling out little miracles his mother abandoned him when he was young, and now she needs him,well he doesn't go and stay there but he talks to her on the phone for hours and I knew he Could do it. because of the person he his,hes the one that has to live with it when she is gone Same goes for You
He will never forgive her but they agree to disagree but no arguments are allowed and in my eyes, what a man what a good human being he his my friend.
Good luck and never forget to be the best dad you can be forever keep smiling

Answer 4

Alright my ex husband beat me, abused me sexually mentally, emotionally. He was a bastard. He also hurt our little boy. He has all kinds of issues now That we *me and hubby #2) are trying to fix. I hated this man! Because of him I had a hard time believing that I deserved to be loved, that I was smart, beautiful, and just plain worth a damn. I became an alcoholic,a whore etc because I didn't deal with my rage, plus my family **** too.

Point is since I became a christian, and no I am not perfect by any means, I have learned what it is to be forgiven, and loved..

I wrote him a letter in I feel statements to tell him That I forgive him. I forgive him for the abuse the way it made me hate myself for all of it. I let it go and I gave it to god.

There are two types of people in this world victims who complain poor poor me, and survivors who fight with all their might to break the cycle of abuse. Your kids are gonna learn from you. Might as well get as healthy as you can!!

Answer 5

However bad your father was, it was in the past.
He needs you now, you must be forgiving. After all, he still is your father. Do not take revenge. What if your future children does the same.
Since he is not abusing now, I think you should forgive him.

Good Luck

Answer 6

i used to go through the same things you did, I still feel the same.However his your father , I think about this kind of stuff to. I would visit him.He needs to know you forgive him.

Answer 7

you need to make peace with him for yourself ...bc if he dies you will have a lot of thoughts to yourself saying i should have or i could have ...so do it for your self it will be the best for you in the long run..it says in the bible love those who hate you .. and things will work out...

Answer 8

Dont treat your kid like your father treated you....all im saying

Answer 9

NO ONE HAS THE ANSWER FOR YOU, YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE THAT KNOWS