You cheat on someone , because u were drinking and had mental problems .Now you are sober, on meds. Working out the issues that lead you to drink, do you tell the person you cheated?Or start over with them sober and working it out?You been married to them for 20 years and 6 of those years you were unfaithful and went on trips with your lover , who knew nothing about your husband.Besides being slime and stuff what do you do, given you have ended the fling with mister loverboy.
2006-12-04 14:31:33 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You cheat on someone , because u were drinking and had mental problems .Now you are sober, on meds. Working out the issues that lead you to drink, do you tell the person you cheated?Or start over with them sober and working it out?You been married to them for 20 years and 6 of those years you were unfaithful and went on trips with your lover , who knew nothing about your husband.Besides being slime and stuff what do you do, given you have ended the fling with mister loverboy.
Not that this makes this better , but the years of cheating only 4months was in real life and 5 and 1/2 years online.No it probly doesn't make it better but still, is it worst thing?
2006-12-05 04:14:29 · update #1
Also in regards to the STD, I was checked, and made sure i had none.Yes , i know u have to go in twice, once after the fling and 6 months later to make sure u don't still have anything.
2006-12-05 04:17:34 · update #2
I think some people but your husband cheated…. they don't be quick to blame the guy… eat more carefully
Sounds like you had some depression issues mixed with alcohol. However in between that you felt comfortable enough to take off with your lover on trips. You've changed and you're trying to put behind you that love affair. You're staying away from drinking and concentrating on medications that are obviously helping you. So far all of this is a good road forward.
Now you're feeling may be guilty about what happened. This may only make you depressed again so don't go down this path. You cannot change the past and telling your husband all about it probably is not to make a good future. While you may feel guilty and want to come clean and this particular incident considering your long marriage this does not seem like a good course.
It would seem that you have cleaned yourself up and drop your lover and through all this kept your marriage together. Maybe spend more time with her husband... suggest a trip with him or other things that he likes. Try to make it up to him in other ways then telling him not benefit either one of you.
Of course you can be faithful going foreword. You know a lot about what made you unfaithful... so you should know how to avoid it
Mark
Author GirlsTellAll
2006-12-04 15:05:32 · answer #1 · answered by GirlsTellAll.com 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let's be honest! you know that you have not been a good wife. You drink, you cheat and who knows what else you have done to your husband the father of your children the man that has your back since you were young until now that you got old. Listen you problably have a thousand reasons to excuse yourself of what you do. Get up tomorrow and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Life is not good because you made the wrong choices. Don't tell your husband that he was right to feel worthless by afirming that you had an affair with onother men. Stop the abuse right here. Today! now for yourself stop drinking, start praying everyday and ask God to forgive you and to change you by delivering you of all the demonds in you. You know this is the truth.
If you know that you just don't want to change let him free to be happy. I am sure that he will find someone by the weekend. Wake up!! and start taking care of your men like you never have before. Cook, hug, watch tv toguether, talk, etc... It is you who have to come back he's been there all along...Give yourself a chance. give your family a chance this is the real men your husband.
2006-12-04 22:49:57 · answer #2 · answered by Ana J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is extremely difficult for people to bring about lasting change in this area.
First you have to take ownership of what a selfish a$shole you are. This is a constant reminder thing. And people don't like being constantly reminded what a selfish a$shole they are.
Second you have to examine your motives and your angers and fears and selfishness. And people don't like doing that, either. It's painful and it takes a long time to work through just how selfish and uncaring you are to break such serious vows.
Third you have to be willing to listen to the person you hurt re-live their awful feelings and vent their anger over and over and over and over and over and over and over for years and years. And people don't like that because that grows old *real* fast.
Fourth you have to do nothing but agree during every session what a piece of sh*t you are. And people don't like that because it is very tough to say over and over and over and over.
Fifth you have to be willing to open up your life - let the spouse look at your credit card bills, phone bill, recent call list on the cell phone, mileage on the car, everything. And people don't like that because it is really tough to do without hating it and complaining or hiding stuff again which is how you f*cked up in the first place.
Sixth you have to put together a working plan of how to get better and prove to your loved one that you are earning, inch by grueling inch, their trust back. And this is long and involved and takes time with no praise for doing right. And people hate that.
It can be done but the odds are against you. Sit down and ask if you really want to put up with all the sh*tstorm you created - the answer is probably no - it's time to move on and someday start over with someone who doesn't know you as the damnable liar that you are trying to not be any more.
2006-12-05 00:55:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
married 30 yrs to same man here... he cheated about 6 yrs or so, not for sure, but he changed and we are still together.. so YES it can be done... but the odds are stacked against you... both parties have to be willing to go thru all the steps it takes to make it work... and it does take a LOT of time and patience and understanding and yes even compassion.... and yes I think you need to come clean about it all, no matter what the outcome... if you are working on getting better, making life better and all that, then he deserves to know the truth about it ALL.. how can you say you are clean if that part of your life is still hidden from him ?? sorry, but that is just the way I feel... we are accountable for our actions and doings... what if he finds out from some one else ?? these types of dark secrets tend to come back and haunt us when we least expect it... do not let this thing of the past sneak up on you when you think all is going well... just think of the harm it will and I know it will, if that happens... God bless
2006-12-04 22:41:46 · answer #4 · answered by Annie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In high school I cheated with my boyfriend (while I was sober) with an embarrassing number of people. I'm not proud of it and I told him. We broke up for a year, but we are now back together and have been together for 5 years and just made an offer on a house together. I have never even dreamed of cheating on him again. I was lucky he gave me another chance and I realize how stupid I was. I wanted to change and I did, and I don't see me ever doing something like that again.
2006-12-04 22:35:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your question is not the easiest to answer, it is multipart however I can help you on this, yes people can change but that doesn't mean the damage that was committed will be forgiven,in my case I changed but the consequences for my actions meant losing everything I ever loved and 14 years of marriage down the tubes,only to find out she was able to move on with in 8 months with a new guy, I have suffered for over 14 months,& just now getting able to handle it and proceed with the divorce, but I gaurentee you the love is still there in my heart because of the 14 years of history and a twelve yr. old son.the rest I'll leave up to you Good Luck and God Bless
2006-12-05 02:01:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Always best to tell the truth, regardless of the circumstances and excuses. Being drunk is not excuse. Doesn't matter if the fling is over - 'fess up and deal with the fallout.
You also must tell him asap so he can be medically tested for HIV/AIDs and various STDs. You've put him at huge risk, and he has a right to know.
2006-12-05 07:06:50 · answer #7 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do believe people can change, but not over night. It's a day by day thing little by little.
But my question is why would someone stay with someone who cheatted on them for 6 YEARS?? You can't posibly blame that on the drinking and mental problems, that was something that person wanted to do.
2006-12-04 22:37:37 · answer #8 · answered by Danielle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell the husband. You don't deserve him if you cheated on him for 6 years. You probably caused the drinking as he might have known about your affairs.
2006-12-04 22:35:17 · answer #9 · answered by brooksta3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At some point you have to stop torturing people, let them move on, and find someone else on whom to start over fresh with a clean slate.
2006-12-04 22:35:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋