I cheated, He forgave me, I can't forgive me, whats next?

Question

So I had this quick fling with an ex on monday. told my husband about it on the next Monday- today. He has forgiven me. I am not naive- I know that we will be dealing with this for awhile. I can not forgive myself. The thing is that I immediately realized that I wanted to be with my husband and no-one else. So all weak I was freaking and I had to tell my husband today. I love him and sure I could risk losing him but I love him that much. How do I get over what I did. I know that I don't deserve to get over what I did. I still have to keep going. How? I feel horrible. It was the worst mistake I have ever made. From this moment on I believe when people say that they would never do it again. I would never do it again. Help me to help myself. Please! I know that you want to tell my what scum I am, heck go ahead I deserve it. Can you also tell me how to move on.

Answer 1

Sweetie, you have dodged such a big bullet. You should be crying about how you lost your man. Now, what to do.....

For starters, tell your ex to never ever speak to you again. Then cut ALL contact yourself.

You will not like what you see in the mirror for a while. Remember those feelings when next you begin to feel weak.

You need to be the most married woman on earth.... For a long time. He may have forgiven (if he has so fast he's either cheated himself or he's a saint) but he will not forget anytime soon.

You need to buy a pair of industrial strength knee pads.... And wear them out.

Answer 2

Well, honey, your first mistake was the betrayal of your husband. The second was to tell him about it, and yes, if you thought he would be all lovey dovey, and tell you it was okay, and he'll love you anyway and it is all forgotten, yayaydyaydyayd guess, what..... it ain't. You two will be dealing this for at least two years. And well you should not forgive yourself -- you $hit on him twice, hon. Before too many more days go by, you and he ought to get into a few sessions of counseling. You shared your body and your passion with another man, and hon, adultery is THE dealbuster, THE betrayal in a marriage, THE only thing that most of us would just say, "hey, good for you,, but gooooodddd bye...."

Answer 3

How did we end up with almost the same ID?? I don't know what to tell you. I have been with the same man for 13 years. Just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. I firmly believe that if you love someone that much, you wouldn't risk anything by having a quick fling with an ex. I am sorry I don't have answers for you, but I do think that you will get over this a lot faster than he will. He may have "forgiven" you, but he has not forgot and will not for a very long time. It will be in the back of his mind every time you leave the house.

Answer 4

Guilt may be a feeling of regret for any real or imagined wrongdoings, both past and present. Guilt can be a debilitating feeling. It can make the strongest and happiest people feel low.
I think that you should now concentrate to analyze why did u cheat on husband. Infidelity almost always indicates that there is not an effective way to communicate dissatisfaction within the marriage. Infidelity may signal a person’s dissatisfaction with themselves, rather than their partner. They may want to feel different or be different. Although dissatisfaction with partner or yourself are major causes, there are others who engage in an affair or infidelity purely for the sex. Once you define reason, you can start recovery. It may not be easy because you husband is hurt and you need to help him, to overcome his emotions. Recovery takes 1 to 3 years.

Answer 5

I once cheated on my boyfriend with an ex. It just somehow happened, I'm still not sure how. I never wanted to cheat on him. I did not still have feelings for my ex. I felt horrible. I told my boyfriend I had cheated and he was very upset, as well he should have been. I could not and still can't forgive myself even though I am not with the boyfriend I cheated on. I can't get over how I betrayed his trust and hurt him so deeply. I have been cheated on and know just how bad it feels. I have never once cheated on anyone since. Although I still feel bad, time has taken away some of the guilt. Just remember you are human and made a mustake and never repeat it.

Answer 6

Ask God's forgiveness. You only have to ask once and you are forgiven. Then do the same with yourself. If you are truly remorseful and you know you won't do it again...then you have to let it go. Stop punishing yourself. Put all of your energy into your marriage and the present. Instead of wasting energy on the past. You did it, you can't change it. So forgive yourself and love your husband and love YOU!

Answer 7

The key to getting through this is forgiving yourself. You're under self condemnation, that isn't going to solve your feelings of shame. Just sit quietly and know that God loves you so much, that he just gave you a beautiful gift. (Your husbands forgiveness) Don't live your life in regret. Live it to the fullest, by thanking God for the gift, and learning to be a honest woman. Read Jeremiah 33:3 that is a promise. Now do it!!

Answer 8

You did the wrong thing sleeping with your ex but you did an even worse thing telling your husband. You told him to make yourself feeling better.

Now make a promise to yourself to stop being selfish because you have now done two things to be extremely selfish.

It is time to dedicate everything you do for your husband and don't try and get brownie points for it. Be humble, go to church ask for forgiveness (no i'm not religious), give your husband what he wants every night for the next 40 days.

And stop feeling sorry for yourself. You are the one in the wrong. Sit in your misery because once a cheater always a cheater. One day someone will take your good husband and you will understand why you shouldn't do it again. Don't try and get comfort from other people because that is selfish.

One day it will happen right back at you. Your husband will be with another woman and you will deserve it you selfish cow. Picture that you cheap woman and stop secretly gloating.

Whatever made you go back to an ex...slag?

Answer 9

Dint do it again.The repentance clears away all the dirt.Such mistakes are not uncommon.Do not delve upon it much.Such thoughts snow ball - you feel more and more guilty , get depressed and it so happens that you create a self defense mechenism which makes you feel - so what.Just forget it like a bad dream.Be honest not onlt to outsider but also to yourself.Do not overcriticise yourself.You are only one of many such individuals. Love your Husband more he deservers it.

Answer 10

I am sure you are feeling like you won't do it again, but that not enough to keep from doing it again. I suggest getting some counseling and trying to find out why you want to sabotage your own happiness. Mabe you feel you aren't worthy or don't deserve to have happiness. If you can become aware of why you want to ruin to good in your life, the less likely you are to actually ruin it.