I am 33, about a size 12 (5'3") and 150 pounds. I used to be much thinner and felt prettier (however, I have noticed guys looking my way from time to time, so I must not be too hideous to look at). My boyfriend (35 yo) constantly looks at young skinny, blonde, big boobed, small butt chicks. Now, I know guys "look" at other women, but it seems that if a girl who may be similar to my size and shape walks by he doesn't give her a second glance, but if one of these skinny "hoochie mamas" walks by he goes out of his way to stare. He also views these kinds of images on MY computer. I've talked with him about how this bothers me and how insecure I am, but it seems that no matter how many "I'm sorry's" comes out of his mouth, he keeps doing it. Now, I'm not saying I'm ready to throw in the towel here, but this is killing me. My question is this: Am I being overbearing and/or irrational about my insecurities, or is he being a jerk. Guys, I would like to hear your honest responses too please. P
2006-12-04 14:29:54 · 9 answers · asked by dmh1973 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
My girlfriend and I go over this same stuff all the time, so you're not alone. I don't have the greatest self-esteem in the world either right now, since I've gained like 30 pounds this year. I just got married this past June and my husband is 22yrs old, while I am 34yrs old. I know he's gonna look, we're all human we all look, it's human nature to notice beauty. It get's to me sometimes, other times it doesn't. Now, if he was doing it on my computer, I'd have a ***** fit! I'd walk right over and turn the s*** off, especially if he 'promised' to stop doing it. I'm also good at giving ultimatums..lol..but I mean it. He f***s up and we're done. I can forgive and forget a few times, but if he flat out lies to me-the s**t is gonna hit the fan. I want to be able to trust my man. If he didn't listen to how much something bother's me, it's the same scenario. Once, twice, maybe a third time, but then I'm done. I want what I want, and that is a guy who is going to respect my feelings, and my insecurities. What happens is, you start to build up more and more resentment until one day you will decide, that YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH! Well, I don't wait to get to that point anymore-I don't hold anything in anymore. I let it be known the minute it bother's me instead of stewing on it. I'd probably be the one to first, play the same game, and do it back, only ten times worse-then point out if HE likes it. Further down the road it would be more to the point-"I'm not going to put up with this crap-if you want to continue doing that fine-but I don't like it and I don't want to be with someone who doesn't give a crap about how much something bother's me, so you decide right now." If he promises again-"I won't give you a choice next time." It's really your choice-doesn't matter how much you try and rationalize why it bother's you-it just does. It bother's you to the point that it's 'killing you.' Meaning it's making you feel worse about yourself and more and more like he really just doesn't care enough to listen and change his behavior to make you feel better. Some guys will just keep telling you how much 'you are the one they love', blah blah blah. Make him prove how much he cares by his actions. If he truly cares about you & your relationship he will see that those things are just not as important as keeping his relationhship with you. If he's mature enough that is.
**Love me or leave me** that's my motto.
2006-12-04 15:04:09 · answer #1 · answered by Little Jeannie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you are way too caught up about what your boyfriend thinks. Forget about that and focus on improving yourself...and I'm not talking about losing weight either (because even if you do, any sense of security from weight loss will be shallow anyway). What I am talking about is to get down to the bottom of what is causing all this insecurity. Seek a counselor who can help you with this issue. If your boyfriend was the real deal, believe me, it would not bother him if you were a size 12 or 20. What is the most important thing here is the relationship you have with yourself and not with your boyfriend.
2006-12-04 22:40:24 · answer #2 · answered by bbw 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a good deal older than you, and you are right men do look, but so do us ladies. We just don't make it obvious. My Grandmother had a saying about my Grandfather, she said, "If he didn't look, I would be worried". When I asked her why that was, she simply stated, "Honey, it would mean he was dead, and he still comes home to me for the loving." They were married for over 50 years before God took Grandpa home first and her a few months later.
You are not heavy or over weight, don't beat yourself up, and let your insecurities get the better of you, if the lovin is still there, and he comes home at night, he is still very much yours.
Looking isn't touching, doesn't even mean he is dreaming, he is just looking - no harm in looking so long as he isn't lusting, dreaming or touching. He is just admiring God's handy work in creating all us ladies, each unique and different, and from the sound of it, he loves you.
2006-12-04 22:54:25 · answer #3 · answered by soulful thinker 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
u shouldnt feel insecure of urself.ur beautiful in the shape,skin and size got made u in.i guess im one of those "skinny hoochie mamas" lol, but dont htink that i go around takin ppls men..let me be honest wit u, u shouldnt be wit soemone who will only looks for looks,i mean ur alot older then me, but i guess its the same relationship.right?so to answer ur question, ur bf is being a total jerk!!how can he hurt ur feelings like that?thats just wong.and u might be a lil too insecure.dont be ashamed.look ur best and flirt wit others to get him jeaolus.thne he'll see how it feels.lol
2006-12-04 22:39:09 · answer #4 · answered by *~Love?~* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hun a size 12 isn't big. I would LOVE to be a size 12. You have cnfronted him about this. Of course he is ging to look, guys do that. but he shouldn't be making yo ufeel insecur about yourbody either. But if he is the reason you dont't feel happy wiht yourself, talk ot him abouyt it. Tell him you need to know that he lovesy ou ,and that you are the one he wants ot be with. If he can't answer these then he isn't worth it.
2006-12-04 22:35:29 · answer #5 · answered by peasant_girl_millwalkie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't sell yourself short. You have a right to request that he not look at those things on your computer. But about the type of women you see him looking at. Remember, he is with you. So obviously you are doing it for him. Now let me ask you something. Are the women who are built more like you wearing clothes that are as revealing as the "hootchie mamas"? If no, which is likely, he is just looking at them because he can see more, not because they look better.
2006-12-04 22:45:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
im a 14 years old girls whos slowly dieing beacuse of the way people treat me i feel so ugly i almost killed myself when my family went to a meeting i cried my head off and didnt know what eles to do...i too feel worthless
2006-12-04 22:44:13 · answer #7 · answered by Grack 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is true he might not be attracted to you as much as you'd like. That is not really his fault OR your fault. It is just nature. I'd suggest finding someone who appreciates you more and is more naturally attracted to you.
2006-12-04 22:40:32 · answer #8 · answered by Julian A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with you except that you have your self image wrapped up in him. Loose him and get your sexy back.
2006-12-04 22:36:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋