Does the pain ever stop?

Question

My husband and I just separated 3 days ago and I cant stop calling him. I am the one that moved out with our 15 year old daughter. My heart just hurts so much. He has been mentally abusive, but I miss him so much.

Answer 1

It will hurt for as long as you let it. It is hard, but emotions can be a crutch, too. Mental abuse is very ard to overcome. I know, I have been there. It's best to find a whole new scene or rediscover an old-positive one. When I escaped an abusive relationship (5 years of physical/mental abuse) I reconnected with some old girlfriends and they got me back out in the "real" world. Trust me, the sooner the better. You need emotional support, now! Relatives may not understand, but girls who have been there will. You're also mourning part of yourself. You made the decision to marry someone who treated you poorly. Now you have to face that. It's tough, but you're worth working for! email me if you need to talk/advice. (p.s. a year later I found my soulmate and we've been together for 8.5 years) There is hope!

Answer 2

I promise you the pain will go away. (I'm speaking from experience) ... it is all fresh and new right now.. you have been together a long time so you're used to being with this person and not being alone.You are probably freaking out thinking "did I do the right thing"... "was he really THAT bad" and money and what am I going to do if the sink starts leaking ..because he always took care of that stuff. If he was emotionally abusive(as mine was) you need to know that it is going to be o.k. and you will be so much happier..with out all of the put downs,and cursing etc.. you will get to a place where you will think "why did I wait so long to get rid of this guy" and maybe you will break the cycle so that your daughter doesn't end up with someone that treats her badly the way he has you. She will see that no woman deserves to be treated like a dog. My heart goes out to you and your daughter.... and I wish you all the best.

Answer 3

It's only been three days - give it time and you will see that you are better off not being abused in any way. It will not hurt so much. But you have to stop calling him. You cannot even begin to heal if you're in constant communication. Only call him when there are details to be worked out. If you call him just to tell him how much you miss him and love him, he won't realize how serious you are about changing things.

Answer 4

Im sure that you do miss him, but 3 days is not long enough time for you to do much, especially stop hurting. Right now thing for you to do is find secure and safe housing for you and your child. but you do need to stop calling him. Give yourself some time. There must have been a reason why you moved out, Maybe what you think your missing is the way things used to be. only time will tell... I left after 24 yrs of marriage, it took me 5 yrs to get back to my normal self. but my kids were good to me and with me, they were my light at the end of the tunnel. Couldnt have done it without them and my faith in God.
You need to give your self some time and space without him... you may see things differently... mental abuse is very hard to over come but it can be done.... God bless you...

Answer 5

Abuse is just a heavy word for me. Couple of questions though, How was he being mentally abusive? Don't you think stress is just a factor to that? Don't you think that your problem can't be sorted out by just talking? Sorry about your pain but sometimes a trial separation should do the thing. Hope you guys get through it.

Answer 6

Love is never an easy subject. I'm sorry to hear that you have been through mental abuse. Unless your husband gets counseling it will only escalate. The important thing is to make healthy choices for yourself and your child. You have a lot of major history with your husband, so I know your heart aches. With a counselor I'm sure you all can work it out.

Answer 7

First you have to determine what your need is behind calling him; to feel loved? to be listened to? respected? apologized to? Next ask yourself if you are looking in the proper direction to receive your need. If you just keep feeling hurt, let that be your guide. I broke up with my fiance on our wedding day 3months ago. I never thought I'd stop crying! But I did and started doing things that I had been putting off, like buying a laptop. Now I'm laughing and acting the fool up in here telling all my business! You'll probably get back together but I must warn you, couples who separate once usually do it again.

Answer 8

I completely know how you feel and i really don't know. Me and my wife just seperated one week ago and it still hurts like there is some type of hole inside of me. I molded my life around my marriage and now it's ended so it seems that there's nothing. The only thing that keeps me going is the good points that there may be such as more time to do the things you love, and being with your friends and family. I truly believe that things are slowly getting better but i don't think the hole will ever be completely filled.

Answer 9

You need to be friends for your daughter but you need to let him go. Mentally abuse is just a way of controlling you and making you feel worthless. That doesn't mean to run out and starting dating because you need to heal first before you become involved with someone else. Good luck you deserve to be happy and treated well.

Answer 10

Its just new to you. Its only been 3 days. You have to give it time. Obviously you put some thought into leaving and did the right thing. Don't enable him to abuse you or your daughter. He's also getting satisfaction that you keep calling. Restrain and be strong. You can do it!!!