Having a bad day. Can anyone help me?

Question

I'm not usually prone to "poor me" fests, but I'm having a doozy tonight. I feel bad for my husband. He works so hard, doing a job that he hates in order to support us. This was supposed to be a side job, just to get us through some tough times while his other business was going slow, but it's kind of consuming his life right now. In doing so, he's risked his real career in the process. He isn't happy, and I feel really bad about it. Like it's my fault.
When we got married I gave up my business to move where he lived, and had to try and start over. It's just not been that easy, and I've recently had to change careers as well, which the new one isn't making any money yet. So, he's stuck paying all the bills.

Tonight I was looking for a video to watch and I came across a tape of him and his friends from before he and I were together. He was really happy. I've never seen him like that before. I feel like he would be better off without me to worry about. What do I do? What do I say?

Answer 1

I am so sorry that you are feeling down tonight, try not to put the quilt trip on yourself or him right now. Remember he wouldn't be working extra if he didn't feel he needed to. Be patient with your new job and making money, it will come but "in the mean time" ( which by the way is a great book!) Hang on tight to your husband and your marriage and right now I feel your job is to support and support, all you can do is keep telling him what a good job he is doing and how proud of him you are and also that you know this time will pass, and you are proud of him for believing in you while you are getting you job started. Marriage is a great team to be on and you are lucky to be in it. You must love him greatly to even care about the happiness you watched on the video and felt, but remember you too make him very happy and as long as he has you on his team at the end of the day it is always worth the hard work,.. Good luck to you and life. Happy Holidays!

Answer 2

Well, I think you are right! He's unhappy, I would be too. A job that consumes you, that you don't like, and taking away time he could be spending with his wife, yup i would be unhappy. I don't know your financial situation, but are you guys living beyond your means??? Maybe you guys could cut back on some things, bring the bills down, and enjoy each other. Maybe, downgrade the home??? I don't know?? But, I do know, when I'm curled up in the fetal position taking my last breath as an old man, My last thought WILL NOT BE " wished I'd spent more time at home with my family. By the way, I live below the poverty level. I've lost (given up) jobs that were taking away time from my family. And, taken jobs that pay less than half in order to raise my little girl with a father. Maybe, all he needs is the ok. Hope I helped your day, and maybe even your future!!

Answer 3

You seem to love your husband, you are really a good and loving wife, its not your fault life takes its twists and turns, during these hard times it is important to acknowldege he hard work and support. The best you can do is cut short all the unwanted expenditure, before you buy anything ask yourself if you can survive with out it.
Try starting to do something about getting some job, let your husband know how you feel and how badly want to support him. Instead of sitting at home and brooding it is good to take up some job at least you can pay a few bills. Try to fix your own employment. These are some of the hard times we allhave to face, believe that it is only a passing face, and this day would be history soon. As soon as he comes home attend on him and ask him how his day was.

Answer 4

OK settle down everyhting is going to be OK. You're going through a rough patch. You're feeling really emotional and that is not a good time to sort through major life issues. when are hormones are all over the place logic and clear thinking usually can not get through. Work through your feelings first. Cry if you have to but start to flush all of these sad, doubting, anxiety ridden feelings out of your system. you're probably feeling a little sacred also. It's OK to say God I'm really sacred and ask for help. You two have been through many changes together. If you love each other you can work through these issues. But it's times like these when it 's just to difficult for you to sort through the mess alone. you're living in it so its difficult to find a place to start to reevaluate and make a plan B. I t sounds like you are both risk takers...you took some risks and maybe now in hind sight you realize you're not where you want to be. the important thing to determine as a couple is are you both heading in the same direction, or do you want to make some new plans. I suggest you invest in a few couples counseling sessions. the therapist is trained to hear what you challenges are and should be quite able to guide you through these rough waters. I'm rooting for you and glad you reached out . I hope this helps. Some college campus's have career center counseling that is offered to both students and non students. And there is always an abundance of counselors who work on a sliding fee scale...

Answer 5

awww . First of all i think its wonderful how you care about his feelings. i read so many womens pissed off at there lives and husbands. Here you are trying to make him happy. GOod for you my dear.

Well definatly try and cut some cost on the bills for everyone if its the heating bill try turning each room down even a notch or two put on extra sweaters. cut down on the kids haveing there best favorite junk food. cut cost where you can without skimping on his favorite meals . He needs those working so hard he'll be happy to have your home cooking of his favorite dishes.

So you get the idea go around where all your bills are and see where you can cut things down even long distance calls extra chaannels on cable what ever you can do to help him with the bills.

Also really let him know just like you did here with us. how much he really means to you and that you DO SEE everything he is doing and sacrafising his own happiness for the good of the family and how much you love him and appreciate him. So many people don't get told of the good things they are or do. and i think he would feel very touched just knowing you do value him and you do see eveything he is doing for the family and he doesn't feel like he's taken for granted.

Also try and cut down on personal items and clothes all this will help take some of the stress off him.

and it wouldn't hurt if you can't expresss this to put it into words in a letter or a poem, for him something he can always look back on specially when he's having a rough day.

And love him up to pieces when he is home and relaxing making him feel like a king in his castle. nice back massage too would be nice im sure he has long hours all this you can help him with although it isn't money your giving him he will appreciate he has a good woman by his side. as you have a good husband by yours.

And i know this part might be hard but if he still has his buddies but doesn't have the money to go out and see them. maybe with you cutting back here and there or having a garage sale of things you dont' need anymore you can take that money and suprise him one day just for him to be able to go out with his buddies one night just him and the boys. youknow for a few beers and things. get him back with his friends for a night.

Well good luck

And God bless

Answer 6

That's not fair to judge his happiness now to when he didn't have any responsibilities. Weren't you that way when you didn't have any worries? I know I was, but I wouldn't trade my stressful life now for five minutes back then. I wouldn't give up my true love and my family because of some rough patches. You shouldn't worry, honey. If he didn't want you, he wouldn't be with you. Cheer up! You know you've got a good man and you should continue to stand by him even though times are rough. This too shall pass!

Answer 7

Okay, so you think your having a bad day...

Years ago I found out the definition of a bad day...I was in the waiting room of a major hospital, my (now ex) wife was having open heart surgery.

I was sitting there worried about my situation when a doctor came in and informed a young mother that her six year old daughter had bone cancer, and it had already spread into the childs hip and possibly into the spinal column...and that the child had at best six months to live.

Now that is having a bad day...even better...this poor woman's husband wasn't even there to support her....he hated hopital waiting rooms so he was out playing golf.....

Yeah....I saw what a bad day really looked like....

Answer 8

At least he is working, I am having hard time finding a job, look on the bright side....your bills are being paid.

Answer 9

Perhaps you could plan a nice evening for him. Have a bubble bath and a glass of wine waiting for him. Don't talk to him about anything, just say "honey, I want you to know how much I love you. Thank you for working so hard to take care of us."

Don't mention your guilt because THAT will make HIM feel bad. He just wants to feel appreciated. Show him that you love him.

Answer 10

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