this is my opeing sentnce for my essay and i want u to fix it for me plz thank you
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Throughout many many years and decades, people seek for a fences for their own shield and protection. However, some do share their fences with their beloved ones, to take care for each other, as the shields are forming, therfore, there love is growing.
2006-12-04 13:10:38 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Education & Reference ➔ Homework Help
I don't really understand what you are talking about...
but you may want to run it through spelling and grammer check first.
And in the last sentence I think the words However and Therefore seem a little out of place.
2006-12-04 13:14:42 · answer #1 · answered by frkonalsh2006 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It does not make much sense but here goes:
Throughout many different ages and empires people have always sought to find a fence, to use as a shield for protection. However, the minority will share their fences with the ones close to them, to take care of each other. As the shields form, love will grow with them, and there relationships will sprout from the dependence on the same protection.
You need to make the meaning clearer. No one will have the foggiest of what you are talking about. Put in some more sentences explaining what the ..... you are talking about. Please.
I changed some things to sound better and to use correct words.
BEloved ones? it would be loved ones, no BEloved. BEloved is a bit redundant. "many, many..." Ok, well with this, you do not want to write the same adverb twice, so try being more descriptive.
Also, in the last sentence, the THEREFORE was spelled wrong, and is not necessary. Plus, it doesnt fit there. Hope I helped.
2006-12-04 21:21:37 · answer #2 · answered by hj 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well that was confusing.. but here's a try:
over the course of time, mankind has put up so called "fences" to help shield and protect them from other people. Occasionally however some people share these personal fences with someone they have grown to love. these fences are soon used to help shield and protect thier loved one as well as themself, and continues to be shared as they grow in love
mmk so i still dont get wut you are saying :P but i hope this different wording can help?
2006-12-04 21:29:49 · answer #3 · answered by Assia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋