Does the character of a man actually matter to a woman?

Question

I'm looking for serious answers here. Nothing along the lines of "duh" or "of course".

I'm just wondering, because I haven't been able to find a woman who thinks that it's important for a man to live his life with integrity. Most women that I know think that it's great when a man is unfaithful, lazy, bullying, and dishonest in general. They view him as being a "bad boy" who has "edge" and is a "challenge".

On the other hand, a man who is confident, mentally and physically healthy, a community leader, intelligent, romantic, honest, and would be a devoted husband and father, is seen as "boring" and "too nice".

Why is this? Do these women have low self-esteem and think that they don't deserve better . . . or, do men of integrity have to start being losers in order for women to appreciate them?

I look forward to your intelligent and well-thought-out answers.

Answer 1

Wow...what a great question. I think it really depends upon the womans character...as silly as that sounds. Many women I know who have been treated badly do not think they are worth being treated better, so they attract the "bad-boy" types who often do not treat them with respect.

I met many men like this before I met my husband...who is respectful, has integrity, and is very considerate. I would not trade him for anything. I do not have to wonder where he is or who he is with. I don't live in fear that he will drink our house payment or become abusive toward me in any way.

Many women may consider him boring...but he is not out to impress them...only the one who has his heart.

Answer 2

I've been married to and divorced a man who was "unfaithful, lazy, bullying, and dishonest in general." I understand what you are thinking...because some women never see the light. They never notice their track record: that even though the crappy men they date ARE all jerks, THEY are the common denomonator. They are the ones who choose that sort of man. I saw the light....thank goodness. I think the reason I was able to figure it out is that I evaluate my own issues. I wasn't a good partner either. I put myself with someone who matched me...but when it came down to it, I didn't like the person I was. So I changed.

I am currently with a man who is "a man who is confident, mentally and physically healthy, a community leader, intelligent, romantic, honest, and would be a devoted husband." I've never been happier. He isn't what I would have considered to by "my type" and he isn't the man I pictured when I was drooling over New Kids on the Block at the age of 12....but he is my match....and everything he doesn't match quite perfectly are all things that I strive to be as a human being. I want to be a better person WITH him, instead of feeling like I'll be a better person without him (like my ex).

I'm not so sure on the self-esteem thing. I do think that I had a low self esteem when I was with my ex...and that I've grown immensely by leaving him and reexamining myself. Please don't act like a loser to get women to appreciate you. Set your standards high and let people know who you are and what you stand for. I, for one, would be impressed to see that in a man....and I know there are other women who would be as well.

Answer 3

Well, to start with, I will reverse the question. Do YOU look for WOMEN with morals and integrity? Women who have these qualities look for them in men. Also, how old are you (or more appropriately, these women who find jerks "challenging") because this sounds like the symptoms of a mental disease that affects very young women (you know, girls) especially high school girls and some college girls (though not all of them). They are simply naive, they just don't know any better, and many will grow out of it. Some will not, and these are the ones to stay away from. They do not value honesty, integrity, and faithfulness as important PERSONAL qualities, so why would they value them in another person? And whatever you do, DON'T become a "loser" to get these (so-called) women to appreciate you. Why would you compromise yourself to be with women who aren't worth it in the first place? (That you would even suggest this is a little suspect.) There are plenty of quality women out there who will appreciate you, you just have to look for the right things to find them (and if you're looking for them in a "Girls Gone Wild" video, you WON'T find them!)
Oh, and the guy who talked about "Evolutionary Biology" is WAAAYYY off on this. The "mean, fighting" jerks who are always itching for a fight are the ones who would most likely DIE before they could get their genes passed on to the next generation. I've read about it, too, and he has no clue!

Answer 4

I think for the most part women care, but they're afraid. Afraid they can't do better, afraid of being alone, afraid of work, therefore they settle for their less-than-perfect match. In some cases, women may seek out mates that enable them to mimic their parents marriage,, which in some cases may have been a poor example of how a marriage should work. I also believe that many women who have been divorced once may lower their standards and accept a man that she previously wouldn't have given a second glance. I've seen questions from women who think their mates may be too 'nice' or mama's boys. The 'bad boy' image is one that has left many young women smitten, and heartbroken.........

I certainly hope that the few good men that are left (and I take your word that there actually are some) won't stoop to meet the unrealistic needs of a woman confused. There are way too many women who are looking for the nice guy! If the nice guy only seems to attract women of low self esteem, I would suggest trying to meet women in places where that would logically be less likely. A gym, where many business women frequent and keep their bodies 'toned', Conventions in your business field, or a karate class might be a few good places to start looking.

Don't stereotype, hun, not ALL women want a life with low self esteem and abuse. Many (including myself) would never allow it!

Good question!

Answer 5

I think the whole loving the bad boy thing is a phase all women go through, usually beginning in their teens through their twenties, usually the phase ends when a woman becomes interested in settling down. For some women it appears this phase just doesn't end. I speak from experience, when I was younger I loved the bad boys, there is a certain amount of excitement involved in dating a bad boy, and wanted nothing to do with Mr. Nice, now though I would never again date a bad boy. I've settled down with a nice man who is smart, funny and kind to everyone. Had I met my fiance Mike any sooner I might have passed him over as being to nice, now though I love the fact that he is as nice as nice gets. I am not sure why some women get stuck in the bad boy phase. I would think that after repeatedly getting hurt by the bad boys one would re-evaluate what they are looking for. Maby these women have low self esteem and don't believe they deserve a nice man, thus they date bad boys.

Answer 6

The character of a man is of utmost importance for a true and lasting relationship. They are just so rare. I think that women may be intimidated by a man who has the qualities you spoke of. His wife would need to be upstanding as well, to be a good mate. Takes a lot more effort. They may not have to work so hard to be with a bad boy. She can be a bad girl and he can't say anything. Being with someone who shines makes your blemishes stand out more. Just some thoughts.

Answer 7

It is sad that your view of women has gotten so negative. I suspect you haven't been hanging around with real ladies at all.

A lady appreciates a gentleman, a man with good manners and trustworthy moral judgment. Unfortunately, the so-called "women's movement" has rather trashed the very concept of a Lady, let alone a Gentleman. It really is very sad.

Please be advised that "feminists" do not speak for all women, and may not even speak for the majority, for all I know. Also, those women who cozy up to bad boys, for whatever reason, are generally not feminists, but perhaps they are living a reaction to the feminists. Some of us, having gotten heartily sick of the presumptive way certain women have of speaking for all of us (that's why I say so-called women's movement; it's really only a SOME women movement). And some of the women who have reacted to the "all men are SOBs" mentality is to try to believe that all SOBs are merely misunderstood.

No, Ladies, some of them really are foul. And some of them are very good, and most are in between -- the same is true of women. In that, if in nothing else, we are equal.

To me, equality is an impossibility when we are clearly so different. It's not even like comparing apples and oranges, but more like apples and milk. Both healthy, but so different there is no point in comparing.

Answer 8

Yes, a MAN is someone who lives his life with integrity, is Honest, Reliable, is NOT lazy, treats his chosen mate as someone worthy of Respect and Dignity, and shows in every way that he cherishes her for the rest of her life --

Women do Deserve men like this -- and we do seek them out. However, everyday women are approached by the outright creeps, the subtle creeps, and those who can pose in public as being Honest, Reliable, Devoted and caring ... but as soon as the woman gets married -- it turns into a living hell -- one in which she may or may not be able to escape with her life.

Answer 9

I think that the caliber of people you attract says something about you. Maybe YOU are not ready for the kind of relationship you think you are looking for. Maybe deep down inside, you are insecure and don't think you deserve it. The people in your life are mirrors of you. The more strongly you react to something exhibited in them, the more difficulty you have in accepting and realizing that you have that trait.

I think when girls are young; they are more prone to hold shallow values with regard to dating just as boys do. Putting looks etc above integrity or even vocabulary in some cases LOL. This changes with age. Usually by the mid 20’s people are past that faze. It could be your age.

There is an awesome book out there; it's called "How to Succeed with Women" by Ron Louis and David Copeland. (ISBN#0-7352-0030-0)

I picked this book up off the shelf at the book store casually a few months ago, wondering if it was nasty disrespectful dribble about how to bed women like things I’ve seen before. I browsed through the pages, & found that it's actually a really awesome book. I ended up buying it and reading it cover to cover.

Inside this book I found no disrespect at all… For women or men. What you will find in this book is common sense about fashion, boundaries, and having a LIFE for yourself (which is sexy), romance, places to meet women, flirting, seduction, how to keep a long term relationship romantic and passionate, home decorating, personal grooming habits... SO many things that I always wished that the men in my life understood. Above all they stress total honesty. Honesty with yourself and what you are looking for and honesty with the women you are dating.

If you want to know what women want, if you want to know how to get the kind of relationship you desire, I highly recommend this book.

Answer 10

Character is important to some girls, but you have to remember that every girl is different and looks for different things. A guy like you described sounds wonderful to me. But I think the thing that attracts girls about "bad boys" is not that they are "bad", but that they are a challenge. Girls like someone that is hard to get, just like guys do. Nice guys are sometimes too nice and it can come across as desperation.

Also, I don't know how old you are, but the older you get (or rather, the older the girls get) the more they will appreciate a man of character.