Husband works ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!?

Question

My husband works LONG hours. He's gone from the house from 8 am till 10 pm every day except sunday. I am a stay at home mom and I am about to completly crazy!!! I have a 18 month old that is develomentally delayed (he's at the leval of a 12 month old instead of an 18 month old) and a EXTREMELY ACTIVE 3 1/2 yr old that has some behavior problems. On top of that I also work from home while trying to take care of the kids, clean, do laundry, etc. (daycares not an option financially) My husband does not seem to understand how hard this is for me day in and day out. I have little to no support/reliefe from family and friends because they all have the same crazy life. I am so exhausted physically and mentally. How can I get my husband to understand this??? I've tried talking to him but he just doesn't get it.

I work about 45 hours a week myself. (Aside from the mom duties) I just do it from home.

Let me clarify because some people are misreading it I DO WORK TOO not just my husband. (For a business I just do it from home)

Answer 1

Try being a military spouse, then you'll know what its like to never have a hubby around.

Answer 2

Man, being a stay at home mom was the toughest thing I ever did. People have no idea how hard it is. Anyone who criticizes you for saying you need a break is clueless and obviously, never dealt with the conditions that you have.

The only way to bridge the gap between you and your husband is to reach some sort of compromise. Can you divide up some of the chores? Would he be willing to take a vacation day to trade places with you to see your perspective? I know daycare isn't an option, but there are places by me where you can take your kids and it's like an hourly daycare, is there anything like that by you?...or pay for a babysitter once a week? I know how exhausted you are and what it can do to you long term. I hope you find some solution.

Answer 3

I know exactly how you feel. I, too, was a stay at home mom and my husband was working what felt like 24/7. I finally got tired enough to talk to him and it helped. Now he stays home with the baby and I work. I'm not saying to reverse roles, but definately talk to him. When you do talk to him, don't accuse him of anything. Just tell him how you feel. You should also acknowledge his hard work and let him know that you two need some time for yourself. Tell him that you realize that he needs time for himself and you need time for just you.
You said that you've tried to talk to him but he just doesn't get it. Suggest to him that you have one Sunday off where you are free to sleep in and do what you want, and then maybe he'll get a taste of what you do all day long just on the Sunday's that he has to take care of the house and the kids. Then, you give him the next Sunday off. That way you two get every other Sunday off for yourselves. Having kids and a family is hard, but in order to make it work successfully (and without going insane) you two need to really communicate and understand each other. Give each other a break every once in a while so you can enjoy being a person, not just a mom or dad. Good luck!

Answer 4

I DO COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND!!
My husband also works LONG hours, he is only home Monday, Wednesday and Friday's from 10pm-7am, all the rest of the time he is at work. And I also have 2 boys ages 3 and 8, to cope I try to take my kids out, and I have my father living with us. He thinks he's using us, but really I'm using him so that I don't go crazy having no one else to talk to, adult I mean.

I would suggest trying to take the kids out to the park during the day when the older kids are at school, because that's when other stay at home moms normally go with there small kids, and strike up a convection with them. Talk to them about your kids, there kids, just life, don't try to sell them anything or talk about business (unless they ask what you do) just find other people to talk with. Then you can start going out to lunch and become friends with other people in your same position or close to it.

There is really no way your husband is going to understand what your going threw, unless you can get him to spend a week in your shoes, which doesn't seem possible. You could try handing it all over to him on Sunday, but then you wouldn't have time with him so it probably wouldn't be best.
Just keep telling him about your day and hear about his, he may understand more then you think but there's just nothing he can do about it right now, so he just doesn't say anything.

Answer 5

i do no longer artwork now yet once I did there became into this guy that insisted i became into his artwork spouse. His call became into Brad. He became right into a nurse so I labored with him. I hated him! He talked such as you won't have self assurance! He advised me each thing......I purely needed him to close up. there have been an excellent style of circumstances i presumed approximately stickin' him with a needle. Then he continually asked me why I on no account talked to him...awkward! Then he took it a step farther and asked me out! i became into married for some twelve months then. I confirmed him my ring and suggested no and then I reported him. My husband became into livid! I had on no account considered him like that throughout the time of the previous. particularly a extraordinary situation.

Answer 6

Sorry to hear about that. Maybe you could hire yourself a maid for the mean time to help you around the house. That would certainly be alot cheaper than going to daycare. It would certainly be hard juggling 2 things at once but sometimes you just had to do it.

Keep your head up and be strong.

Answer 7

When you married to your husband you have to understand his work too... he work hard for the family and maybe as much as he want to spend time at home with his wife and kids he cant...so be supportive. See the positive side that he is working to provide for you and the kids..
Problems with kids are usual and as for him to lend a hand is abit impossible cos he works form 8am to 10pm and when he reached home I believe he is dead tired. So in what aspect you wanna him to help you. So just be understanding and accomodative....negative feelin will ruin you and family.

Answer 8

Sorry but sounds like your husband is probably drained too...I mean he works alot as well. And like another poster said...try having a husband in the military and also have the issues you are having. Believe me that's a whole lot harder. You just have to keep doing what you have to and not give in to feeling sorry for yourself. That might sound harsh but I found from personal experience that you have to just force yourself to keep going. Good luck!

Answer 9

My husband worked all the time to escape from his family. I mean he'd go spend the night at his job and not even get paid for it. About drove me nuts. I finally found out he has obsessive compulsive disorder. His whole life is performance based.

you can't force your husband to care or be there. Best to rely on friends and family who will be there for you.

Answer 10

Poor u, I don't really understand because I don't have any kids... because I am too selfish I suppose. I considered myself a open mind person and if u love him... if you have some energy left u will find something to bring him back to u. Love is powerful but sometimes it takes too much out of u. Did u try going out yourself and leave him take care of your family... maybe he need it... he does't know it yet, that's all. I wish u joy and fun TO YOU!!!

Answer 11

I understand how hard it must be on you....but please please remember that you married someone who seems to take pride in PROVIDING for the Family. It seems you guys need a little balance going on there...go get a babysitter....and surprise your husband with a night out....It will definitely wake him up to what he has been missing. Don't give up like mines did....all I needed was for her to communicate with me. You can make it...hang in there and I am proud of you rearing your family.... You are a REAL MOM!