Why do men come in second once the woman has a baby?

Question

When couples meet, they are into each other. But once the baby comes along, men are just secondary, like robots to fund the material needs of the kid and mother. It's as if she says, "I've got him by the balls for the next 18 years (through marriage or child support) so I can ignore him."

Answer 1

It's not that the man comes in second. It is the simple fact that a man is old enough to take care of himself. A baby on the other hand is not. You need to be thankful for your wife/girlfriend for bringing your child into this world. Some guys aren't so lucky!

Answer 2

So its only men that come second? Is that what you think, how do you think the mother feels when she's carrying the child around for 9 months, her life started changing way before the father's life, going through labor and trying to get comfortable w/ her new body isn't exactly the best feeling ever you know, well, you wouldn't because from what you say you're a self-indugent person who doesn't ever put yourself in someone elses shoes. Imagine how she feels now that even in her own life she is second, it's about the new child she has, the new child her and her partner have. That's what it's suppose to be, two parents are suppose to be partners in raising a child. Men are not 'funds', if all you give is material needs to the child then you need to rethink fatherhood, because you're suppose be involved w/ the child as well. As soon as you find out that you're having a baby life is never about YOU, it's never about HER, it's about the baby. The baby always comes first, most people with morals know this, I guess everyone else shouldn't expect so much from a person like you. Notice that I said person because you're obviously not a man. If you're talking about your own situation, maybe the woman you're with isn't even a good mother, if so you need to state it, but from what I get here you say men, you say couples as in general, but from the way you state the question you make it sound as if the mother is always suppose to put herself last no matter what she goes through.

Answer 3

Child bearing is a serious subject when it comes to a woman. A woman carries the life that she is responsible for bringing into this world. The maternal instinct is instilled in woman from childhood. That protecting and caring for that child is a number on priority. A mother will do anything within her power to keep ther ofspring safe and secure. In some cultures the husband leaves the sole responsibility of the young to the wife. While the husbands main concern in providing over the household. He takes a little to no roll in raising the child(ren). Thus if any shame is to come upon the family by the child(ren) the mother is to blame. In any situation where I child is involved the couple always needs to be open. Don't take it heart. The relationship between a mother and child when given loving attention and care is unbreakable. The same goes for fathers. Remember the woman has bonded with that child in a way a man can't imagine.

Answer 4

That's an awefully broad way to generalize relationships once a baby is born, don't you think? I know plenty of couples who are still very much in love and plenty of wives who don't view their husbands as "robots" and want them to "fund material needs" and that's it. Maybe this is a relationship issue and not a pregnancy/parenting one.
The other issue that could be there is the emotional and hormonal side of a woman having a baby. Postpartum, a woman has just gone through an enormous an exhausting experience. She may feel overwhelmed and not adjusted to the idea of being a mother. Sometimes this manifests itself in depression or other times in overprotectiveness of the baby. She could be unintentionally ignoring her significant other because of these feelings.
Maybe you two should seek counseling, if it's something you want. Or maybe you should have a heart to heart conversation about what's in the best interest for you and your baby. After all, you are the father and you BOTH should be putting your child first, as opposed to worrying about who is coming in second, as per your question.

Answer 5

Men come in second because a woman has a personal attachment to her child. She carries him/her in her womb for 91/2 months. During that time she feels its heartbeat, every kick, and every leap. By the time the baby gets here, they (it & mom) have already bonded in a way that no other would understand.

You ever do something and it turn out wrong and you say: "I should've followed my first mind." Well, just as your first mind is your inner feeling, a mom can sense what and when something is wrong with her baby, when it is crying, and even when it is nowhere around her. She carried it inside of her. The baby is HER own personal inner feeling. It is a part of her, and she will protect him/her at all cost, just the way you'd protect any part of you. Furthermore, would you really respect a woman who put another woman's son above her own? Even if that man is her husband, he's still someone else's son, and his mother's responsibility, not hers. Now, she has her own.

Please try to understand where she is coming from. And if your mom is alive and well, and was or is in her right frame of mind, call her and thank her. She probably felt the same way about you.

Answer 6

Isn't it funny how it was mostly women insulting you?? There are a lot of women out there that will treat you great until they get what they want, I was an excellent husband and father, but when our son was born, she did the same thing, it wasn't because I did something wrong, it was because she was a whore working at a hotel night shift and bangin' every dude that came in there, that's why I was treated the way I was, I was faithful, and always there for her and the kid, but now she made her decision, I pay child support, but still live very nice, while her decision threw her hood rat *** in the ghetto! Hope she's happy, and 95% of women are bitches, they are way more caught up in themselves than any guy can be!
take care!

Answer 7

Children require more attention. The women should not neglect her bf/husband, but let's face it. The women is usually the one up all night with the baby, changes the diapers, feeds the child, plays with the child burps that child and puts the child to bed. It requires a lot of time. By the time the mother finishes all of this (especially if she is also a working mom) she has no energy for her partner. I am not saying that this is right, but it is the reality for some.

Answer 8

Well if all he was there for was to make a baby and leave, then yes, he is nothing. But if he is in it for the long run and is a real man and is in a relationship with the woman, then he and she should both put the baby's needs above their own because the baby depends on responsible parents - adults can take care of themselves. If then man is being isnored he needs to discuss this with the woman - but it takes 2 to make a relationship.

Answer 9

When a couple has kids you have to share the attention with the kids, you are not the only one to focus on anymore. This is what we called growing up and being less selfish.
You need to go out on dates and have weekends away without the kids.
Maybe the people that feel the way you do don't have a strong relationship or shouldn't have children to share their much needed attention.

Answer 10

Have you tried to understand the needs of your wife? She has needs also. Try getting a baby sitter. Try helping around the house. After women have babies, their hormones are still crazy.
I have a question for you, why are you so upset that a woman would love her child over anything else? Is she supposed to drop her children in the river because you feel left out?