I dont want to leave him, I love him with all of my heart. But if thats what I have to do then, I dont know. Im so lost!
2006-12-04 12:39:59 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well the main thing here is that he's not being honest with you.....
In order for marriage to exist (or even last), it is sooo important that there can be trust between the two...
The only thing you can do about it is confront him.....
You both love eachother, but you cannot let yourself be committed to him if he cannot be honest with you....He's needs to understand this if he wants to be with you....
And yes, if he cannot choose you over the other, even though it would be very hard, you would be better to move on.
A relationship based on dishonesty cannot last.....love may exsist at first, but it will soon whither, leaving only pain.
The right choices can hurt.......but the wrong ones can hurt worse.
Tell him exactly how you feel, and if he loves you, then he'll do what he must......if not, you'll do what you must.
2006-12-04 12:53:14 · answer #1 · answered by sword of light 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't start out a marriage knowing your intended has a major problem that could involve you, your future children, your home, your finances and possibly your life. I know that you are thinking you can change him....that you will help him get clean and he will stay that way because you love him and he loves you. Not gonna happen 95% of the time. Yes, some people kick their habits and stay sober (my husband has not had a drink in 8 years), but drug addiction is a whole different story and chances are he will take you down with him. The fact that you're asking indicates to me that you already know the answer. Now you just need to be brave enough to make that leap. I know you're scared and probably think you'll never find another guy like the one you have. You're right. You'll find a better one. One that won't send red flags all over your soul. Good luck sweetie. It will be one of the toughest things you've ever done. Make sure you have all your support systems in place, because you'll need them. But I promise you, you'll be much better off, and you'll feel very secure in your decision after you've made the break.
2006-12-04 21:14:20 · answer #2 · answered by Allison S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give him an ultimatum. If you don't want to leave him, picture how your living room will always be a trashy disaster when company comes and you'll always have to make excuses for why a dirty needle was on the couch or why your coffee table is stained with smoke and unexplainable substances, why you can't afford nice things with your hard earned money etc. you have to really picture what life will be like once you accept his behavior if he doesn't want to change.
Last but not least... think of Ike and Tina, only without the glam and music (unless you are an upcoming artist, no pun intended)
2006-12-04 20:47:44 · answer #3 · answered by Skypride 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
move on sweetie. in some cases drugs are way more powerful than love. if he's doing it behind your back, that is an indication that he is not giving them up no time soon. it will hurt when you walk away from him, but you can't drag yourself down trying to keep him straight . when he gets the message that you are leaving, he might see things clearly, but if he loves you as much as love him he may want to change. i hope for your sake and his that you listen to your heart and don't be an enabler to him. good luck, and I'll pray with you.
2006-12-04 20:56:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is doing it behind your back, its a problem. You love him but does he love you, or the drugs. He needs help and your love will be tested. Unfortunately if he doesn't seek help, you may have to leave him. You can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do so having him choos between you and the drugs is insane. He is an addict an until he seeks help you are in for heartache.
2006-12-04 20:48:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
go to an Al-Anon meeting in your area and learn you cannot control others. Read the book Codependent No More by: Melodie Beattie
2006-12-04 21:47:08 · answer #6 · answered by :-) literary cappy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do the same thing you would do, if he were doing them right in front of you..Make excuses to do nothing, get on yahoo and ask people what to do. I will spell it out for you.
LEAVE HIM. RUN
2006-12-04 20:47:47 · answer #7 · answered by brp_13 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
drugs can lead to alot of bad things so try to make him understand that and if he doesnt get it then u dont have another choice u dotn know how hell become maybe abusif and how will he be a fit parent if hes on drugs
2006-12-04 20:42:51 · answer #8 · answered by John T 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
what kind of drugs? if you want to chat privetly about it I'm willing to do so as an ex addict myself of heavy drugs I can probly tell you a lot about how it goes, signs right now i'm curious as to how long and what kind, anyways the botton line is no matter what you do or say or bribe him with he will never stop unless he is ready period and thinking your ready and being tired of it are not ready, e mail me anytime kimrulong@sbcglobal.net
2006-12-04 20:44:34 · answer #9 · answered by KIMBUR 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He needs help before this becomes a major conflict in your life. Be supportive, but if he cna't stop, you need to move on. He needs counseling nad rehab, expecially if he is sneaking. Good luck.
2006-12-04 20:48:55 · answer #10 · answered by Sarah 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋