My mother thinks I'm stupid - and I really am. How can I be more capable with day to day life?

Question

I'm 17 years old, and yet I still can't do things that children can do. I never do anything right, my mother constantly tells me I'm stupid, so I was wondering if it's possible for me to function like a normal person. I am getting all A's and B's in Advanced Placement courses, so I'm hoping that there's hope for me... It's the little things that get me down:

Cutting with a knife and fork
I am a vegetarian, and I basically life off of salads, whole fruits, pasta and other foods that don't require use of a knife. But when I go out to eat with my mother, when I DO have to use a knife, she gets really embarassed and says something like "Oh my god, how pathetic. You're 17 and you can't even use a knife and fork. I really think you're retarded." I don't get it though, because the way I do it seems fine to me - I cut each piece of food cleanly, quickly and without much clatter. I chew with my mouth closed. On contrast, my mother always makes clatter noises and everyone always tells her to chew with her mouth closed.

New Puppy
I have never had any pets, nor have I ever handled animals - much less baby ones. We bought a new puppy and I can't quite hold it properly and I'm a bit nervous (paranoid about it snapping at me suddenly). So, my mother screams at me and calls me stupid. How do you hold a puppy right? How can I get common sense?

Answer 1

Your mother is the one with the issues with herself. She is taking it out on you. Ask yourself if it's really smart of her to call you names like a 12 year old bully. She probably has an unstable life and finds it easier to put you down to make herself feel better then to actually give you words of encouragement. She's an adult, therefore she should know better than to talk to her own daughter like that.
You sound more clumsy and unsure of yourself than anything else. If you assume you're going to fall at things it makes it that much easier to do just that. Talk to a friend and counselor if you believe that will help. Stand up for yourself next time she does it. Tell her you're not stupid, and if she really loved you she wouldn't talk to you like that. Life is confusing enough as a teenager to go through and you don't need her verbal abuse tearing you down in the process.

Answer 2

ya know what man if your getting all a's and b's in school you are not stupid. so what if you do things differently then other people . if you can get it done then thats great. i think your mom just has a problem. you are probably smarter than her. and with the puppy thing . if you show the puppy love and care he wont snap, he might be a little nippy but all puppys are like that. and you dont really need to hold puppys. and i think you can hold it better than the moms do the grab it from behind the neck. if you ever need to talk man my screen name is DiabetesCOLE or email at the same thing [e-mail]

ive had simmilar expierences

good luck

Answer 3

Your mother is abusing you by calling you stupid. She is stupid not to recognize the child she has as being smart, as accounted for by your grades and the written question I am answering. Also, she can't even get that you are a loving person towards her when your great wish is to please her. You my dear are not stupid. You sound pretty darn smart at 17. Your mom has issues and you don't need to be the basket for her to dump her troubles in. I am sure your teachers or other adults must praise you. When you finnish school, go out into that world knowing that you are not stupid and leave your ma's bad manners behind you.

I have raised two children that have taught me things. And, boy I did some stupid things in my life, but not one person better never call me stupid. You are not being disrespectful by telling her not to call you that anymore. You are respecting yourself, dear.

Answer 4

Don't worry, you'll do all right in life. Trust me. You're very unusual, you look at things in a different way, and you're obviously pretty capable, otherwise you wouldn't be doing so well on Advanced Placement courses. Some people just can't stand unusual people because it's "embarrassing" for them. Those kinds of people are conformists, and you are not, and conformists want non-conformists to be conformists, am I making any sense?

Anyway, enjoy life, don't listen to the crowd.

Answer 5

I am so sorry you do not have a more understanding mother. Sometimes when you tell a child enough that they are stupid they try to prove you right. And after hearing it enough time the child believes it. A lot of things you are are afraid to try is due to your mother telling you that you are stupid so you feel you have failed before you even try. You must believe you are not a complete failure and keep trying. Praise yourself sometimes and turn your ears off to your mom. Hang in there and know we are all rutting for you. Good luck!

Answer 6

O.K., lets clear this up, you are not stupid or retarded. These are hateful words that are used to hurt and demean you. When you start believing them, you are doing yourself a great disservice. When someone says that you are stupid, even if you can not speak back to them, tell yourself, that they are wrong that you are not stupid. Start to believe in yourself. By doing this you will develop self confidence. As to holding a puppy, don't be afraid, and yes some puppies do bite, but their teeth, will not hurt you. Just cuddle them up, and you will soon have a friend.

Answer 7

You could ask your mother to stop calling you stupid. She should support you and not kick you down. Ask your father's help if necessary. At the same time focus on your studies and become proficient in at least one task. Then you can move onto the next. I guess focusing on one thing at a time is the thing for you.

Answer 8

when your mom ask you my or calls you retard , just tell her it's because of all of her positive ,supportive ,nurturing ,that you think you've started to develope a nervous condition trying to achieve her level of perfection ,therefor your hands shake when you pick up a knife and wait for her stabs of motherly love.Maybe she's anal but I doubt the problem is you .Thank God your 17 and it's almost over and you can eat with your hands if you want to.

Answer 9

getting all A's and B's in Advanced Placement courses
ur really not stupid and u have better manners than ur mom, that's kind of how i am with my dad but don't worry about it u love each other and ur life is pretty good one day u'll be in college

Answer 10

Why are you blaming yourself?Your Mother is stupid and abusive.When you turn 18 move out.She is a toxic person.She sounds pathetic and critical.really a miserable person.