im kinda disappointed that she is. i warned her so many times to use protection, but she just wouldnt. so she doesnt know exactly how many months she is, roughly about 2-3? anyways, i just want everything to work out for her.she isnt geting an abortion or anything and im really happy about that. but she isnt gonna tell her mom. shes gonna go live with a friend and her bf for a while.
i pray everynight for everything to turn out good for her. but im not sure how things can with being pregnant at this age. this is the biggest mistake she has ever made. i dont even know if she will be handle to this big reasponsiblity. im going to help her out as much as i can, but what about food? clothes? the doctor??. she cant do this without any adults, but she ISNT going to tell anyone, and nothing will change her mind. and im not going to if thats not what she wants. she would end up getting in trouble by her mom, and her mom would try and take the baby from her, and then leave my friend. advice???
2006-12-04 12:11:17 · 23 answers · asked by =] 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
let me add some details in about her mom..
they have always fought. they dont get along what so ever. her mom has never trusted her since she was younger, and she always assumes everything.. for example, she thinks she is dating her cousin.. she just isnt understanding at all. she has never believed a word that came out of her mouth, and this is only thing that she has ever kept from her mom.
she doesnt know her dad, her parents split up when she was a baby, so she cant turn to him....
and all other famliy members live in newyork, and we both live in delaware
=[
2006-12-04 12:38:05 · update #1
Your friend is making a mistake by not letting adults with experience know, though this is her mistake to make. I do not know where you live, but in the US once a woman has a child, no matter the age, they are then considered an adult. Now her mother would have to PROVE that the mother is unfit, unwilling, and unable to properly care for the infant, and she would have to prove all three in a court of law, to be able to take the child from the mother. There are many advice centers online, as you know, one of them is here. There are programs with welfare, Birthright, and WIC (Women, Infants and Children) each will provide differant services for her. Welfare, she would be given food stamps and a government grant to support herself and the child until employment can be obtained, they will also pay for daycare/babysitter services while the mother works. Birthright, is an organization that provides clothes, bedding, shoes, blakets, diapers (if they have them), and pays $75 towards getting a crib, the total for a crib and mattress- with two sheets, at Wal-Mart, is about $130 (total price can be checked at Walmart.com). WIC provides food vouchers that would allow her to get milk, cheese, eggs, cereal, juice, and peanut butter while she is pregnant, and provides vouchers to recieve formula for her baby when the child is born. The welfare office also provides medical care for pregnant women, and continues the mother and the child on Medicaid (which pays for all medical expenses) until they are 18 years of age, and there is no co-pay for anyone under the age of 18 for services or prescriptions. Prenatal care is a must, and usually where there is WIC office, there is a free clinic that provides prenatal care. Please pass this information on to your friend. I would like to keep in contact if that is fine, for her to have some advice from a experienced source. I use yahoo, lisads1973. Just contact me if you or your friend needs any advice. Take care.
Just let me clarify that I do not advocate her not telling her mother, as a Mother, I know I would like to know. Though I do understand that not all mother's are the same, and I respect the fact that she is going to give the child a chance in this life.
2006-12-04 12:38:55 · answer #1 · answered by lisads1973 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a very concerned and good friend. Honestly, convince her to go to a free clinic or someplace she can get a check up. The most important thing at this very moment is prenatal health, so that the baby stays healthy. She needs to be on special vitamins so that the baby gets everything he or she needs right now.
You have to remember, you can't control your friend. You did your part by warning her and trying to give her good advice, and she made a decision that she needs to live with. Is she against the idea of adoption? There are open adoptions where she would be able to stay a part of the baby's life, but woud give up parenting rights. At 14 years old, you need to have a parent, not be a parent. It would be responsible and mature of her to give that baby a good start with parents who could handle the financial part of having a baby, and who were ready to do it emotionally as well.
Just be there to listen and make sure she knows the options. About her mother.....that's a tough situation. It's hard to give advice without knowing what kind of a person she is. Obviously your friend doesn't feel comfortable going to her and you may not be able to change that. Just be there as a support, like you're doing. I really hope things work out for your friend. Parenting is so hard, especially when you are young.
2006-12-04 20:41:53 · answer #2 · answered by kath_08012 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off having a baby is a huge deal no matter your age! Since she isn't old enough to go to the doctor on her own she has to tell her mother. If she doesn't get prenatal check-ups something could go terribly wrong with the baby or your friend, and if she is your friend you'll do the right thing and tell her parents! It is so important that she has medical attention asap. There's test that need to be done to make sure her and the baby are healthy. Her mother is going to be more upset if she keeps this from her. Parents can be more understanding than you or she realizes. I'm sure she wouldn't try and take the baby from her but she would help her in any way that she could like buying clothes and making sure the baby is well taken care of, this child is going to be her grandchild by the way. Think about it wouldn't you feel terrible if something happend to your friend because she didn't have medical attention and you knew about it the entire time?!! Think about your friend and whats best for her and that baby.
2006-12-04 20:31:22 · answer #3 · answered by Curious J. 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
K, first off whoever left rude comments is rude. I'm 22 and expecting my first child, and no matter what the age it can be scary. Yes, 14 is very very young for someone to have a child because they are still a child themselves and have a lot in life to experience. But for reasons unknown more girls have sex for unknown reasons and who are we to judge.
What I am wondering is whether your friends mom is someone who could be a positive influence on your friends pregancy? Your friend might be running scared because she doesnt have any support and doesnt want to give up her baby or is just avoiding the problem all together. Would her mom force her to put the baby up for adoption? Or would her mom help and support her? I dont suggest allowing your friend to run away. Here are a few reasons, your friend needs prenatal care, its vital, she needs to be taking prenatal vitamins (which are designed for pregnant women and are safe for the fetus), also your friend might not be fully developed herself, so that might be something she should see a doctor for. Also, there are many stresses that come with being pregnant...for example where is your friend going to get money to buy things like a crib and blankets....and when she has her baby and goes to the hospital these are questions the nurses/doctors will want to know....
I think your best bet is to find a reliable, supportive adult that you can tell. If you cannot think of a relative of your friend, then what about a teacher or guidance counsellor at school? Honestly, if your friend wants to raise her baby she needs to be responible, running away from your problems is being immature and will only make it worse. She needs to be able to provide for this baby. And trust me, she might think ppl such as her mom will freak if they knew the truth, but parents react in a lot better way then you think. I know because I told my parents n they took it a lot better than I ever thought. You might be surprised how well... anyways im worried for you friend if you have any questions about babies or proper prenatal care feel free to email me at karla_sunshine_2006@yahoo.com
2006-12-04 20:47:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once you grow up, you realize how vital family is to you... her mom will be mad and disappointed- guaranteed, but that is not a reason to keep her mouth shut and try to have a baby alone. Being pregnant is scary- whether you are 13 or 53. She will not be able to do this without an adult. She is on her parent's insurance, so at some point, her parents will find out. It's not like you can hide a pregnancy... someone's going to notice. Her mother would be ok with her moving into a boyfriends' at 14?? I hardly think so... at least I wouldn't be ok with it for my child. Sometimes the best way to be a friend is to help when they can't help themselves. Yeah, her mom will be upset- but I bet after she gets over the initial shock, she'll want to what is best for her daughter to help her out. At 14, if your friend's worst fear is that her mom will be "mad" or she'll get in "trouble" when she has a situation this big- it definitely shows that she is not mature enough to handle doing this alone. A baby is a giant responsibility, and not one to take lightly or do alone. It is hard even when you have had one before and have experience!! I've had two children, and I am still worried about having a third... I am 31! So, do your friend a favor and try to talk her into talking to her mom... offer to go with her for moral support and be there with her when she tells her mom. (There is strength in numbers). If she refuses- tell another trusted adult, friend of the family, teacher, etc who can help. She can't do this without an adult, and I'm sure her mother would rather find out from her than from someone else. It won't be easy... but safety of the baby and your friend come first. She needs to be seen by a doctor during her pregnancy, teens have a very high risk of complications during pregnancy- and many have infants with low birthweight and other problems. Have her get help, or get it for her. She is not thinking rationally right now, and will not be able to use good judgment for herself now... obviously you have much better judgment- you are asking for opinions here, so you are concerned for the well-being of your friend. Use that good judgment to help her out now when she needs you most. Get adult help.
2006-12-04 20:30:40 · answer #5 · answered by dolphin mama 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know how she feels, I was 16 when I found out I was pregnant...with twins! It is scary and she is probably already kicking herself in the a** . She needs support right now, she should tell her mom, she needs to get to a Dr. right away to make sure all is ok with her and the baby. Eventually people are going to notice, you should try to talk her into telling her mom. As far as her mother taking the baby, I wouldn't worry about that. Her mom should be there for her and help her through this tough time, yes she made a mistake by not using protection, but you cannot turn back the clock. She is in for quite an experience and she will need all the support she can get right now.
Good luck, feel free to contact me if you need to chat.
2006-12-04 20:24:13 · answer #6 · answered by Jules 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I have some advice. Tell an adult. It is ridiculous for you to keep this secret. You are doing no one any favors...mostly that innocent child. You are happy that she isn't getting an abortion but you are willing to let her go through the pregnancy without help from an adult or without medical care? You are putting both your friend and the unborn child at risk. It sucks that the burden has fallen on your shoulders. It sucks that your friend is so highly selfish and irresponsible that she is more worried about getting into trouble and the consequences SHE will face rather than what will happen to that baby.That is the number one reason she shouldn't have a child at that age. She is too young to think of anyone but herself. Don't make the same mistake. Tell someone. Tell her mom. Someone needs to be told so that she can be taken care of and she can have a healthy pregnancy.
2006-12-04 20:17:40 · answer #7 · answered by Amelia 5 · 7⤊ 0⤋
I know that she is probley scared, but situations like this where she isn't going to tell anyone that she is preg and not get any medical attention, just proves everyone theory that BABIES should not be having BABIES. If she feels like she is responsible to have a baby then she needs to be responsible and get the medical attention that she needs to throughout this pregnancy. Young girls have no idea nor the ability to know what having a baby means. Her life will be changed forever, and I mean forever. Does she really think that by keeping this baby that she can give it the best life that it deserves? I feel bad that this has happened, but she needs to not be so selfish in fear that she will get into trouble by her mom and start thinking about what her baby needs. By not telling anyone, her life and her baby's life could be in danger. You may wnat to tell your mom and leave the rest up to her because as a 15 year old, you just aren't equipt to use the best judgement in a situation like this. Best of luck.
2006-12-04 20:24:06 · answer #8 · answered by Ana 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, no negative comments from me because I would think that defeats the issue here and certainly doesn't help her.
I am going to guess she isn't telling anyone because she is pretty darn scared herself....and who could blame her???? I would be right out of my mind with fear!
BUT..you know what?? And this is coming from someone who has a daughter........ I would think that reaching out to her parents could only HELP her in more ways than one. Firstly, it would take the stress away of keeping "the secret", right? Not telling anyone has got to be a HUGE thing weighing on her and at 15 years old, I can't imagine how she can even begin to deal with this physically and emotionally on her own.
It isn't YOUR place to tell anyone...it is hers...and she needs to get some help like NOW. Is she covered under Mom's health insurance? If so and she is utilizing it for pre-natal care (and I hope she is getting the care!), Mom WILL find out since she gets copies of what is billed to the insurance company.
I highly doubt Mom would get "mad", so to speak. She may be "disappointed" and "confused", herself, but I can GUARANTEE she is going to have her daughter's best interest at heart.
Encourage her to tell mom.....that in the long run, it WILL ONLY HELP HER. She has options of even meeting her mom at a doc's office and have the doc be present when she tells her if it is more comfortable that way.
But either way, she needs someone there for her that can help her. You are just as young as she is and helping her is great, but she needs an adult there.
2006-12-04 20:20:03 · answer #9 · answered by retrowfmk 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
She at least needs to go to Planned Parenthood and ask for some support. She will need insurance and medical care, and supplies for the baby when it comes. You should really urge her to contact them because they can help her get on WIC and state-funded insurance. I'm not sure, but in some states I think they don't have to contact the parents. Also, they can help her if she decides that she wants to give the baby up for adoption. She cannot do this without some adult help. Really. If she has decided to keep her baby, and doesn't live with her parents than she needs to start her responsibility now by getting some help. Good luck, she's lucky to have a friend like you.
2006-12-04 20:17:57 · answer #10 · answered by redzodd 3 · 6⤊ 0⤋