please help me. I am a doormat?

Question

Ive tried asking people, my therapist, my friends and family but i dont understand. The only times ive really felt angry, I justify my anger with "a bad day" and get upset at myself for being angry. Ive never yelled at one, hit anyone or done anything without apologizing or feeling really guilty. Its not a horrible trait but it bugs me to know that i dont get angry. When I should be angry, I usually just get sad or think its my fault!
Sometimes i get taken advantage of and i know rationally i deserve to be angry at people who do that to me, but i cant bring myself to be that way. Id go out of my way to someones grunt work if it means me being liked. everyone knows i am a doormat. please help me

Answer 1

I think it is an epidemic, because alot of people have had an increase in their number of bad days recently and reasons why they are upset are numerous even though different.


On a large general scale- Its probably the economy, corporations are sketchy at the moment, so they effect managment ceo's ect..., and they effect everyone else.

It also can be attributed to a lack of accomplishment in society, I think people are board with the idea that you have to buy something to be happy, because it is infinite, and impossible.

Maybe even spiritual imbalence, because this seems to be the first time in history where people question leaders in their church, because they pay for a service to those that are geared to collect more and more money. <-- this is also infinite and impossible to the amount of money a church can collect. The church does not offer individual services unless you can pay for it, therefore institutionalizing spirituality.

Dont feel bad if you have no release for fustrations. I think everyone feels like that at one point or another.

Do one thing nice for yourself everyday.....
Even if it is simple, like give yourself a foot message.
The next day, spend 20 minutes in a quite area taking deep breathes. Another day, a hot bath. Another day read your favorite poem a few times, and then write about it. Umm, the next day go to the store, and buy a bag of your favorite fruit, go to your favorite spot in your neighborhood and enjoy.

When it comes to family or friends when you feel a little down, ask for a hug. They love ya, you know that they do.

And my favorite, at night take a few minutes, go outside, look at the stars <--that is the best.


I hope this helps, its easy for me to write this because i am a third person to you, although I do feel like this too sometimes. Where things just seem to be unfair no matter how much I try to make things right. But its ok. You sound like a great person, dont stop being a great person. Its nice to see someone vent about what they think.

And dont listen to those other posts, it takes more strength, endurance, ability, heart, confidence, capability, stuborness, intelect to say hey this is who I am, and this is what I can accomplish, I can take care of everything because I want to. Its not being usefull to those that use you, it is doing what not many people can do. Actually love. Not many people are brave enough to love, especially in their daily life. They cant they are to busy trying to get people to love them and do things for them.

So people that pride themselves on their ability to munipulate others are dependant and lazy. The usefull are independant and active. Here is a morbid twist, in your old age, you will not spend your time in your regreat that all you have done was use people, you can live knowing that you have honor and dignity through your years that you activly lived your life caring with your heart.

Cheers!

Answer 2

I think you sound like a very nice genuine person. Ok, so you dont get angry, I think thats a positive trait, you are very forgiving. You should not you have to lower your trust in people because of their lack of morals and worth, they should change the way they behave toward you. Karma will prevail and those that take advantage of you will get their just deserts some way or another and you can continue without anger in your life. I am actually a little jealous, I wish I didnt get angry so easily.
Saying all that, it would be better to find some strategies to put a stop to people manipulating you. Try to say no, "No, Im sorry, I cant do that" etc. You dont have to explain or feel guilty and if a person asks again after you have said no just repeat yourself. Once you have said No a few times to people it will get easier to do

Answer 3

Not being a doormat requires having a backbone & self respect. Getting angry is NOT the same as not being a doormat - they are 2 unrelated things. Doormats get angry because of the doormat situation. If you get taken advantage of, be angry with yourself for being a sucker.
Resolve not to be a sucker again.
Mentally healthy people do what is right because it is and not because they want someone to like them. They do not play into being taken advantage of, so they do not need to get angry.
No one can help you get a backbone - that will come when you decide to do it, to live life with self respect , ocassionally doing grunt work for someone you already like but not to get them to like you & it would be veryyyyy limited.
Make today the day you decide to have a backbone, why wait ? no one actually likes the doormats, they are a joke so it is really counter productive.
And be calm . . . people with real backbones are actually calm, not angry.

Answer 4

your not a doormat just because you like pleasing people. I'd take a second look @ yourself and re-evaluate your your self image and go from there. 98% of who you are is composed of who you see yourself as. slight adjustments here and there will create a new you and people will begin to see you as you see yourself.

Answer 5

I agree with you Confused. Good Answer!♥