The Mother-in-Law From Hell...?

Question

My wife's mother is very clingy to her daughter and it's starting to interfere with our marriage. She calls my wife several times a day, wanting my wife's work schedule so she can phone and talk for 15 minutes before my wife leaves for work and then she calls the minute my wife is in the door (and a long conversation ensues) EVERY DAY. Isn't that time supposed to be for me and my wife? I have no problems with my mother-in-law phoning to talk to her daughter, but does she have to jump on us right away like that? Also, when my wife and I are watching movies her mom will phone yet again that evening and talk to my wife for up to an hour while I wait with the movie paused. I tell my wife how I feel but she just ignores the problem and hopes it'll go away. I stopped trying because I don't want to cause stress for my wife. I thought about asking my mother-in-law to be more considerate, but I know that would upset my wife as her mom's feelings are easily hurt. What can I do?

Answer 1

this is a potpurri of thoughts... sorry if they are random but I truly hope something helps:

- Talk to your wife about it nicely when you two are getting along. Ask for certain times that are your personal alone times.
- Many relationship books I have read have identified these 5-20 minutes per day as THE critical times in relationships - when you wake, before you leave one another in the am, when you come back together in the evening, and when you go to bed. Those times should be reserved for your spouse. Perhaps read books like this together and dialogue.
- Get the book BOUNDARIES (there is a general one and a relationship one). Perhaps your wife might even agree that she needs to work on boundaries and saying NO appropriately.
- Don't answer the phone and tell your MIL to go away.... that is not the solution.
- If you have kids then send them over for her to have company.
- Do something totally crazy like get your wife and MIL some tickets to a show, craft show or whatever would be fun. Maybe by giving some dedicated alone time it will give her some of what she needs and you'll get less of the daily talks here and there.
- Agree with your wife on certain days/times to turn the phone off.
- For christmas, get the MIL a certificate for lessons or some kind of club to occupy her time and expand her netowkr of people.
- Since your wife is ignoring the problem hoping it will go away you could kindly point out that her reaction to the problem ISN"T getting you anywhere so you really have to try something else.
- Maybe a conversation about respect with your wife is in order - the next time it happens get up and go do something else. When she finally comes to get you talk about how you truly feel disrespected. Ask if she would ever do that in the company of a girl friend? A client? Have the "what makes it okay to treat your life partner in a way you wouldn't treat anyone else?" conversation.
- Your wife absolutely has to deal with this with her MIL. It's her responsibility. If you step in then you will be the big bad wolf to everyone the MIL knows (and doesn't)...

No offense but where are your kids (if you have any) during all of this? Not that you aren't capable but really its both of your jobs and your wife should look forward to time with the hubby and kids.

Answer 2

This isn't an in-law problem, it's a marriage problem. The only person that can change it is your wife. For you, I suggest that you quit putting everything on hold every time her mom calls. If your wife chooses to talk to Mom while a movie is on- keep the movie going- after a few minutes for wife to get a quick message- not an hour of chat. I would tell the wife that the constant calls bother you- and you'd prefer they were less frequent, and shorter. I'll go so far as to say that IF Mommy's calls are so important that your wishes are disregarded- you have more serious problems in your marriage.

Answer 3

Yeah, I like the answer about not pausing the movie, I mean, ok, she jumps on you when you walk in the door, but....in the middle of an activity...no.

Once they've had a chance to chat then that needs to be the end of it. When she gets on the phone a second time tell her you need to make a call.

Morning calls, just unplug the phone, turn off the cell phone before you go to bed. No one likes their morning routine interrupted. Maybe if she found out what it feels like to have some coffee and dress in peace she'd like it.

Lastly, you can tell your wife you need for her not to answer the phone once that first conversation has finished, you can both agree that after 7 or 8 or 9 neither of you will answer the phone. Agree to your personal time. She wants it to stop. She can't say no. Help her.

Answer 4

There's nothing you can do if your wife doesn't share your views on the privacy issue. I certainly agree with you - it would drive me bonkers if anyone was phoning me several times a day; I would simply stop answering the phone. But if your wife has different ideas on what is acceptable, she is to blame for the situation, and not your MIL. Your wife has to gently put her foot down, there's no way around it. If you talk to your MIL yourself, you will only come out as the "bad guy", and it won't be good for anyone involved. Give it some time, and speak with your wife again. Perhaps if you're calm but convincing, she will realize that this IS a problem, and will listen to you.

Answer 5

It's controlling and your wife is allowing it. The problem will not go away until your wife confronts the situation.

Don't let it go. You have to end this behavior. When you watch a movie, tell your wife you aren't going to pause it. She has to be the one to end it, not you. You will be the bad guy if you say anything to the MIL. Put your foot down and work out some rules with your wife to ween her off this clinginess.

Answer 6

Obviously the biggest problem is you wife's inability or lack of concern about the situation. The easiest way to fix the problem would be for her to either tell her mom she can't talk right then or to simply not answer the phone altogether. I'd be asking my spouse why she is letting this interfere with our marriage? Maybe you could set some guidelines, agreed on by both of you, that she won't take calls from her mom during certain times of the day, or she'll limit them to a certain time frame.

Answer 7

The man usually makes the first move. Even if she’s interested in you, the most she’s likely to do is to stand near you or make eye contact a couple times to encourage you to approach her. Read here https://tr.im/gdpA4

Once you see her, don’t hesitate. 10 minutes from now she might not be there or another guy might have beaten you to the punch. Plus, women can tell when you’re working up the courage to approach. Shyness might be endearing in movies and romance novels, but it doesn’t work in the real world. Approach right away, even if you don’t know what you’re going to say

Answer 8

I can understand how her calling endlessly would bother you, but coming from a woman whose mom passed away, I don't blame your wife for taking the calls. I know its a pain in the @ss but try suggesting that for the first half hour or whatever its your time. Time to discuss how your days went. If you feel that talking to her will only lead to an argument, then email or write her a letter. You could probably even write one to your MIL, letting her know how you feel.

Answer 9

Boy this sounds like my X husband he came from a very controlling family finally I was kicked off the island LOL Listen you need to do something if not it will only get worst and you don't need that so tell your wife to talk to her mother and let her know that she needs time for you the husband if she ignores it will not go away so tell her to stand up to her mother and let her know that you 2 are married now and you need some we time how was your mom before you got married was she the same way for if you thought this behavior would stop when you got married you were wrong LOL

Answer 10

If you wish to learn how to produce deeper securities and develop more significant associations with women, then that https://tr.im/NmE5b is worth checking out.
Tao of Badass is a good manual if you will want deeper knowledge of why girls are interested in masculine, comfortable men.
Tao of Badass covers plenty of the key methods that are essential to increasing your success with women. Explains essential topics such as for instance why women test guys and the significance of gender functions really well.
It also offer stable informative data on creating rapport and associations with women and has lots of additional content in the members area.