Can't parents think about their children's future before filing for divorce?

Question

Are parents becoming too selfish and obsessed about their own feelings??

Divorce IS NOT the best thing for the family... it's only the easiest ans fastest way to solve emotional problems. If they loved each other enough to make a baby, they should love each other enough to fight for their relationship...

Answer 1

People need to think about what's best for their children before they have them. I think people in general are too quick to marry for the wrong reasons, or divorce because marriage takes more work than what they're willing to do. That said,...

I have seen first hand what "staying together for the children":

- One does not know how to deal with conflict and runs away from situations instead of dealing with them.

- One does not know how to effectively communicate.

- One has hopped from one relationship to another without pausing to understand who SHE is, and has chosen men with whom she has been physical (slapping, pushing, shoving...this is mutual, not just the guy being physical with her)

- One is angry and edgy all the time, has never dated, has very few friends.

This young adults did not grow up around parents who demonstated affection to one another; the parents married because the wife got pregnant and the husband was encouraged to "do the right thing." He didn't want kids, and wound up having a second one. The wife was angry, the husband resentful. There was never any love in the relationship, so the kids never got to see a positive relationship in action.

People need to be more thoughtful about the decisions they make to begin with. But if a bad decision only contiues to worsen the lives of all concerned, then it's time to bring the madness to an end. It would be better to have parents who are divorced and happy, than have a couple living together in anger and resentment. You can't hide that from your kids.

Answer 2

I am part of a study right now on divorce and children. I don't think they have results posted yet because the complete study is still ongoing. However, one reason we were given for them doing the part of the study in which I'm involved is that they had discovered a statistic that shocked them. In initially trying to prove that children from two parent families were the most well-adjusted and happy, they found that was only true in cases where the relationship was good and the marriage was strong. Very close behind this group of children were the ones from parents who had divorced but remained friends and worked co-operatively together as far as the child-rearing went. WAY behind were those from the parents who had "stayed together for the sake of the kids", and the most poorly adjusted children were those from the terribly hard-fought divorces were the parents, even though divorced, continued to get along very poorly. So it's more than just divorce that is the issue.

BTW, I am from a very conservative religion and have strong feelings against divorce (also against going into a marriage without very serious thought-which would eliminate a lot of divorces) but I was the victim of adultery and do believe that is an acceptable reason for divorce. However, because some people don't take marriage seriously, some marriages are just plain wrong! Seems bad that you right a wrong with a wrong but I suppose it comes down to which will provide the children a better environment.

Answer 3

Sometimes yes and sometimes no.

Sometimes filing for divorce is the best thing for the kids.

My MIL divorced her husband (my husband's father) when he was just a toddler and his sister was a little one. I believe in the sanctity of marriage and all, but I thank her ALL the time. My husband would NOT have been the man he is if he had been raised by his biological father. They would have all been miserable. She divorce him and remarried a while later. THEY have been married 30 years now and are very happy and THAT MAN raised my husband and taught him to be a moral, ethical wonderful man/husband/father.

There are times when the child is better off with divorce. Growing up thinking that horrible relationships are the norm is just going to keep the cycle going. I've known couples who had MUCH happier and more fulfilled children AFTER they divorced because the horrible tension was GONE.

But..I truly believe that people need to think a little more about getting married in the first place. It's not something to be taken lightly.

Answer 4

Uh.... they DO think about their children's future before they file for divorce!!!!!!!
Sometimes divorce IS the best thing for a marriage that's slowly but surely going down the road of misery and unhappiness.
I know for a lot of people divorce is wrong, but both parents have the right to be happy and maybe the happiness that they once found in each other faded.... and it's healthier for them to separate rather than try to work at repairing something that has been damaged so much.
Either way.... if your parents EVER get remarried to someone else... your dad will ALWAYS be your dad, and your mom will ALWAYS be your mom.... try not to think about the other "partner" as someone who is trying to take the place of the other parent... and give him/her a chance.

Answer 5

Sometimes children are better off when their parents divorce. I am a divorced mother of two and my children are better off growing up in a loving happy house than a house full of misery. My parents stayed together and it didnt do much to help my brother and myself. You need to talk to your parents about how you are feeling and if you feel that you cant then see a welfare officer at school or go to councilling. Things are never as bad as what you may think.
Peace love and happiness to you.

Answer 6

Yes they are. But if they are not meant to be or are having to many arguments than usual it is very bad.They will be living a unhappy life and will not teach anything good to their children.If they can sort things out that is a very different story.Some couples have 1 argument and get divorced wich in my opinion is beyond bitchy and retarted,if they do have 1 little arrgument there will be a 90% chance of them settling it.

Answer 7

Sometimes yes and sometimes no, I know a child who's mother only wants to him to inconvently take him on days his dad is supposed to have him, most of these days his dad planned something fun but I've also seen really happy kids going back and forth, it's a difficult choice but if the parents are fighting all the time, it's too much stress on the child

Answer 8

no not at all ...some cases parents stick to gather and fight like mad every day of their lives just to stay together
for their children's sake ..they are delaying the inevitable
they sacrifice there own lives just to keep the family together ..it's all wrong it helps no one ..children living under those circumstances are not at all happy and wish
there parents are not together in the same room .there so frighten.. it makes the children very unhappy...
Best way is a clean break ..and children are loved by both parents individually...

Answer 9

Well my parents got divorced. Sometimes its not about being selfish. Its about being happy and why waste time if you are always unhappy with the person your with. A broken home is as bad a living in a broken home.....Parents will still love their kids...just appart.

Its sad but what can we do!

Answer 10

Sometimes it is in the best interest of the children for the parents to get divorced. It is better to have two loving homes than one home that is always in upheaval with arguments.