Is it abusive to yell at your partner when u r angry???

Question

I have a tendency to yell loudly & cry & curse at my girlfriend when she makes me angry past a certain point. I have even broken up with her in fits of rage (usually while drunk) But the next day, i always feel terrible & i wish i never would have done any of it in the first place. I know i have anger issues, so how can i resolve them & is this abuse? Should she leave me?

Answer 1

Hi Kiera -

Thanks for your question. It sounds like you get angrier than you can control and the rage takes over, right?

Here's some advice. Many businesses and schools offer free consultations with professionals to their staff and students. Check to see if yours does (or your girlfriend's). Even three sessions with an anger management professional could do a world of good for you.

It sounds like you want to get help. Get it today. You'll feel much better and much more in control of your feelings.

Good luck!

P.S. - To help you now, read this link from the American Psychological Association regarding "Controlling Anger"
http://www.apa.org/topics/controlanger.html

Answer 2

I am guessing that you want my honest opinion rather than a pat on the back,,,,,I think she "pulls" this out of you with an unconscious desire to be abused. Her childhood will be a reflection of this or you will be reflecting her childhood issues that are stored in her unconscious, I gather that it was her father. If you change or become nice she will leave you and find someone else to express these unconscious desires. Your anger is a result of your anger at the world being vented on her. Both of you have a lot of forgiveness to do, her for her family and you for the world.

Answer 3

yelling is a good way to release pent up anger and frustration. but to the one you're yelling at its not a great feeling so u might try leaving the room and yelling somewhere else. It'd be a good idea to stop drinking, calm down when you get mad before you make your point and probably join an anger management program.

Its abuse if its high level and regular and meant to hurt and frighten instead of expressing yourself

Answer 4

Oh dear dear dear. You do indeed have problems, and from what you've said, your young lady is a saint for putting up with you. I would suggest you quickly go and see a counselor who can get you to settle yourself down. You also should stop drinking to excess as you've admitted this is when you go over the top. It is abusive to yell at your partner if it is one sided. Granted, my Best Beloved and I can get angry with each other but we've never broken up and I love her dearly (26 years). You have the potential to be an abuser. Go get help. Blessings.

Answer 5

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Answer 6

It is absolute verbal abuse. Trust me...I know. My Fiance and I have split up recently because of this. I would seek help for your anger issues. It really does help. You will be happier and if your partner chooses to stay with you after you have sought help she will be much happier as well. Hang in there - it's tough but being the one who was yelled at and called names many of times, you have probably tainted your partner and they may or may not be repairable.

Answer 7

I think that communicating the way you feel is the life blood of any relationship. However when you need to resort to drink or drugs to do this and end up over reacting to a situation and creating problems for yourself and those closest to you. Then it is time to seek help. I am not trying to be patronising or to put you down in anyway. However if you care about your present and or future relationships you need to address this situation and put it right, before you end up alone and isolated!

Answer 8

i also have an anger problem where i scream at my husband but you know what i regret every yell because he is no longer around me and if i could take back those days of fight and yelling and turn them around i would show nothing but comfort and happiness i wish i could for one day share it all over again i am a victim of abuse and also of giving abuse

Answer 9

I don't know if it's abuse but you might have some unresolved issues with her that you kept inside and never talked about. I was the same way with my ex and at one point she said to me I know you're mad at me and it only comes out when you're drunk you have to tell me what's bothering you, and I did and those drunk incidents stopped happening. But we did eventually break up but that had nothing to do with it.

Answer 10

You need to start thinking about her more, about her feelings and what you are doing to her. Reality Check A.S.A.P!! Or you might loose her. Good Luck.