Why?Why do men go out and cheat and punk out and not talk to us?

Question

My hubsband mom passed away and he became distant and started feeling he had to live his life...He started hanging out with his single friends and eventually started to cheat...I tried to communicate with him and ask why, but all he said was I was nagging him and he was tired of hearing my voice and seeing me...All I did was prayed and left it up to GOD...One day he just cam e home and told me where he was going?Who he was doing?Why do men always try to blame us for their cheating and try to put some of the blame and guilt on us?How do you repair this?Can you come back from such a great deal of deception and pain?Let me know, I am confused and not sure what to do..I know that the love is still there and he is trying now but he's smothering me and trying to search thru my drawers and picking up my phone, why?I need a lot of help...Thanks

Answer 1

Honestly, it sounds like the death of his mother really threw him into a tailspin. Possibly he is having a mid- life crisis, probably brought on by her death.
I am so sad for you that he acted out in such a destructive way. I know you must feel very confused and hurt.
I think he was trying to lessen his feelings of guilt by attacking you, and picking at you ... he is trying to turn the whole thing around in his head that he isn't that bad, you made him do it. (Like the person who "deserves" to be hit by their abuser). He is probably searching through your stuff and answering your phone because he is afraid that now he has cheated, you will be doing the same thing. Once again, probably driven by his own guilt.
There is only one way to possibly work through this. It is going to take time, lots of couples counseling, lots of prayers and tons of work. Even then, it will not be like it was before. God Bless, dear.

Answer 2

I am truly sorry that you and your husband are having complications.

My answer may not be the favorite, but I am going to give it to you straight. . . .

He CHOSE to be unfaithful, you could not have done it for him. That said, his cheating has created yet another bump in the road for your marriage . . . and he cannot blame any of that choice on you.

Here's where I get "straight with you". The biggest issue here isn't his infadelity, but what LED him to make that choice. Again, you could not have made the choice for him, he alone chose to go through with it. But infadelity is just a symptom of a larger problem. I'm not sure what you could have done differently, it seems he was devistated by his mother's death.

Is he still cheating? If he is, you may want to seriously consider your marriage. If he isn't, I would try to let it go. Don't ever accept any responsibility for his choice, but you should know that there may have been things that you (and he) could have done to prevent the situation. . . . ie: creating a happy marriage-although it's hard to do one-sided.

I would think about some of the events that took place prior to him cheating. What did you two argue about, what bothered him, what bothered you? Figure out what the majority of the problems were, fix them, and move on. Leave it in the past and start over again.

Again, I'm sorry you had to experience this. I can't imagine the pain of this kind of deception. I wish you well.

Answer 3

You shouldnt put up with that at all.
You love him, but does he love you?
Go and find someone better.
I believe he might be too ashamed to leave you so hes putting you on a guilt trip and trying to make you feel bad so you will eventually leave him.
Some people can get over cheating partners but do you want to end up being one of those people that are still with their cheating partners and hate them to the point where you just want to physically hurt them but they feel the need to stay with them.
I know that no one wants that, so do what you think is necassary.

Answer 4

He betrayed your trust. His mom's death is no excuse for his behavior. You were there for him and he cheated on you. He left you and only after leaving you he realized that there is some good in you. Now he is back and he fears you may do to him what he did to you countless times. This will become the end of you unless you move on. If he really loves you he needs to learn to trust you and understand that what happened in the past was entirely his fault and tha he ALONE needs to make up for it.
You think little of yourself. Its time to change that

Answer 5

no i don't feel u can ever get over the cheating if it also involved him bashing, and blaming u as being the cause, when this was all about his choices. if he isn't willing to admit he was to blame, theres no chance to get back what u had. he added insult to an already injured person. it's one thing to cheat, but hurts twice as bad when they place all of the blame on you, and won't take responsibility for their wrongdoing, always someone else's falt and not their's.

Answer 6

There is no explaining this. It is just that some people have little to no morals.

To prevent this kind of thing from happening to you, it would be a good idea to seek out some professional to talk to. This kind of abandonment can cause people to repeat these offenses on their loved ones.

Answer 7

Wanna borrow my size 12 and kick his a.s.s to the curb? Cheaters are WEAK and WORTHLESS, they have so respect for others, or for themselves. A real man can control his thought process and can stay away from the bullsh!t. A MAN is mentally strong, and cheaters are mentally weak.

Answer 8

He's acting this way because since he cheated on you now hes guilty and scared that you might do the same! i would leave him and go find someone else or go visit a counselor!

Answer 9

pure guilt for the dirt he has delt pure and simple and the fear that u will in return do him as dirty... men can dish it but can't take it... if he presists in acting eratically u may have to let go and let God

Answer 10

well- depends what kinda of man you refer too? a guy only does this when he's not ready to settle down and still is in full party mode