My ex-wife and I have been divorced for 6 years and have two children. They stay at her house Sunday night thru Friday morning, and with me the remainder. She has two children by her new husband and is considering moving 50 miles for financial reasons.
Over the last 2 years, she has become less involve with my childrens education (they are now 10 and 12). My kids always tell me that they wish they could stay with me during the week because "Mom never helps them out with homework". I am extremely involved with them, but I shrug what they say off because there are always two sides to a story.
The area they are moving to is a higher crime area, and the schools are not nearly as good as the one they are in. I have been thinking about asking to flip our current arrangement so they can stay at their current school, but I know this will cause "conflict" with my wife if she sees this as an attack on her being a mother
(I pay child support/have shared physical and legal custody)
2006-12-04 09:38:27 · 16 answers · asked by bjmarchini 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would like to first say that I admire you. You are very well spoken and it is nice to hear a person of a divorce to not speak ill of the other.
I would definitely keep your children where they are, for mutliple reasons. Number one, if there is not a need to completely alter a child's life-by moving to another school-then it shouldn't be done. Secondly, if the crime rates are higher in the prospective "new" home, why risk it?
You are there father and you are doing your job by questioning this. I feel for your ex-wife as she is doing what she feels she has to, but her number one priority should be her children. If they are better off with you, it shouldn't matter the consequences that you or she would be making.
I say go for it! It seems that you are a nice man. I'm sure you can express your concerns without making her feel insulted. Good luck!
2006-12-04 09:57:56 · answer #1 · answered by Sera B 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Act like its for the school year, that the kids really don't need to be uprooted right now. Then see where it goes from there. Whatever you do don't make it seem like an attack on her mothering. Make it all about the children and how you think they will feel. Just make sure you have considered all the possiblities about them moving in with you, like baby sitters and such.
Good Luck
2006-12-04 17:45:57 · answer #2 · answered by Dizzy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her the truth that the children should come first when it comes down to there needs, and that you understand that it is hard raising four children so you would like to help by having the children for long period. Tell her to see how that works and she can ask for them anytime let it be a trial run just for now, be compassionate and sincere, and show her that you do care about everyone’s well being.
2006-12-04 17:48:56 · answer #3 · answered by Ms Pollyanna 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me as if your arrangement would be much better for the children and at the end of the day, that's what you should both be concerned with....good for you...you sound like a great dad...get a lawyer if you have to...but take care of those kids.....good luck and stay as good a dad as you are now!
2006-12-04 17:47:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
50 miles is nothing and its surely no reason to see custody. Are you to lazy to drive your kids to see their mother or to visit and pick them up to see you? My husbands daughter who is 6 yrs old lives 7 hours away and he drives there EVERY other weekend without bitching once. So before you complain about 50 miles count your blessings that they are still in the same state! Furthermore your kids are old enough to make the decision where they want to live, you can take her back to court and ask they reside with you but odds are unless you can prove her unfit, nothing will change.
2006-12-04 17:45:44 · answer #5 · answered by texas_angel_wattitude 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You're just looking out for the well-being of your children. She shouldn't get mad. Your kids need the attention. Ask her if they can stay with you. You're a good father. Good Job.
2006-12-04 17:55:26 · answer #6 · answered by inlovewow 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Man, you need to jump on this. If you let the relocation happen you'll be on the short end of the stick. It's much more difficult to overturn a fait accompli than something that hasn't happened yet. Talk to your lawyer and get things moving before it is too late.
2006-12-04 17:44:48 · answer #7 · answered by Otis F 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
you as a care giver of your children have a parental duty and right to involve yourself regarding your children's welfare. Contest it, your not going to do this in spite of your ex-wife. Your doing this for the benefit of your children.. Re-modification and re-stipulate the court order. Your children deserve you, act on this now before you regret it.
2006-12-04 17:43:19 · answer #8 · answered by skawp 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yes because the kids need a man to stand up for them
2006-12-04 17:43:13 · answer #9 · answered by rico j 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, this is tough. Have you tried talking to her or her new hubby? Let them know that you will truely miss your children. Or you should go and get some sort or notarized agreement stating when and where you will see your kids.....good luck!
2006-12-04 19:47:08 · answer #10 · answered by blackpplrblessedppl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋