My boyfriend and I have a three month old baby, let me add we have been together off and on for over 15 years.As of lately, he has been rude,told me to leave, and called me foul names. I know I should leave, but our baby has a disability, and will be having surgery to correct the problem next week. When I make arrangements to move, he tells me he will take me to court and take custody of the baby, and I will never see her again.I realize this is a scare tactic he is using, but my question is, what will it take for him to get custody of her? His name is NOT on her birth certificate as he "was not on board with this pregnancy" yet he now acts like the father of the year.
I do plan on leaving, but will wait until my baby has her surgery.
HAs anyone been through something similar, and how did/would you handle it? Also, why could he be acting this way?
2006-12-04 09:15:15 · 11 answers · asked by sheila a 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
first off he knows the baby is his so if he wants custody of your child he will have to summons you to go to court and since you didn't put his last name no the baby the judge will kae him take a paternity test and the baby DNA Test. When the results come back saying that it's his baby he can fight for custody but onyl way he can win is if he proves to the judge that you are an ufit parent because:
1- you prostitute for money
2- you're homeless
3- have no job and no intentions in getting one
4- a drug abuser
5- have a history of mental illness
5- have a history of physical abuse
6- you're abusing to the child and don't care for him
if he can prove any of these i can guarantee you that you will loose custody of the baby. The judge will let the baby be with whoever he/she thinks will be in best interest for the baby. I'm a single mom and i live in a house in which the owners rent out a room to me. my son's dad tried telling the jduge that becausei didn't have my own apartment or house that the baby wasn't fit to be with me and the judge refused his allegations saying that as long as the baby has a roof over him no matter what it is a shack, trailer home, simple room, apartment etc. it's ok. If anything- he can get shared custody of the baby part time with him and part time with you. Men nowadays are stupid but smart. The only reason why he wants custody of the baby is because he doesn't want to have to pay child support for the baby. Did you guys get live together? if you did you can get spousal suport from him since you've ben together as long as you have. After 5 years it's called common law here in CA. He sounds like he's beeing a jerk to you. Seek the help of friends and family maybe even your local church if you have nowhere to stay. Find a job and keep it so you can move out on your own even if it's with roomates so if he takes you to court for custody of the baby you can tell the jduge that you are working and that you have a roof over your head. Good Luck. Sounds like he;s acting the way he is because there may be another person involved here ( another woman). I went thorugh the same thing and i thought it was because of something i did but turned out that my baby's father was doing stuff behind my back with another woman.
Good luck with the surgery and God bless your daughter! i hope everything turns out ok! everything is gonna be ok you'll see!
2006-12-04 09:36:04 · answer #1 · answered by Ms.Budonkadonk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't answer why he is acting that way, but u don't deserve it. My son had a kidney removed when he was 6 months old, and the father and i were fighting in the hospital room, pretty lame, i know. He can't take custody of the baby unless he has paternal proof, so don't worry about that. If he "wasn't on board" then, don't let him be on board now. He's not worth it. Take care of your baby and leave the rest alone. She is most important right now. Tell him to grow up. Hope that makes u feel better. Good luck with the surgery and all!
2006-12-04 17:20:12 · answer #2 · answered by Manna 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all when it comes to father in child (a parent period) there name don't have to be on some birth certificate or not there during the pregnancy want counts is now. he there now.but since you been there though the hole thing and your not a unfit mother you have nothing to worry about. he is using that for a scare tactic. think about it he wasn't there before how would he handle a baby with spacial needs. He's NOT . but he has rights he will (maybe) get legal visits. like every other weekend. but your case is a little different. you can't move a baby in your baby's condintion every other week. your going to have to prove your baby medcal records to the courts, if he was to take it there. your baby will have to be much older and stronger.
2006-12-04 17:42:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is abusive. You should keep a record of all he says and does and make sure someone in authority knows about it, perhaps a lawyer or the police. That way, you can use it against HIM when he tries to take you to court. At any rate, from what you describe, he wouldn't stand a chance in a custody case. BTW, why are YOU leaving? You have the baby, you should kick him out. And don't ever let him back; he is worthless. It's sad that you made a baby with such a gorilla.
2006-12-04 17:26:47 · answer #4 · answered by Gallifrey's Gone 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First hes acting this way because he cant handle the pressure of being a dad. Secon,unless you have charges of child or drug/mental abuse against you, any court would award you custody. Without having his name on the birth certificate, you lost out on easy child support, but if youre willing to go thru parternal testing and once it show hes the father, you can still collect it, but he llprobably get visitation rights, but will be responsible for at least half the medical bills too. So the choice is yours.whether youre better off with or without him. You two dont need a guy like this and you definitely can do better. Good luck
2006-12-04 17:24:20 · answer #5 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unless he is able to prove negligence or abuse by you to the child, he is trying to use a scare tactic on you. Never been in a similar situation myself. It would be advisable for you to leave ASAP. For whatever reason he will probably try to hurt you in some way when you leave, I hope not physically. Judging by his sudden change in attitude after 15 years, he is either growing tired of some aspects to your personality or he has found someone else. At any rate good luck to you in which ever way you decide to take things.
2006-12-04 17:26:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well just because his name isn;t on the birth certificate means nothing because he can get a DNA test an prove his the father and then he will have rights to the child.... for him to get full custody he has to prove you unfit... as in you abuse your child... do drugs.. drink alot around her.. things like that.... most likely he will get visitation rights and have to pay child support.... the judge will look at the fact he was not accepting of the pregnancy but they usually look past that due to the fact that it is stressful to the father
2006-12-04 17:25:51 · answer #7 · answered by evil_fallen_angel41 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Biologically he may be the father, but if his name isn't on the birth certificate, he has no rights to the baby. Because there's no legal proof that he's the father.
2006-12-04 17:28:32 · answer #8 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well i think that he is acting like this because he is a jerk. You should not stay there any longer than you have to. Chances are that he wouldnt get custidy of ur baby. the court usually grants that to the mother.
2006-12-04 17:19:43 · answer #9 · answered by annastar92 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If his name isnt on the birth certificate, he has no chance in hell. He isnt legally the babys dad. He will have to go thru paternity testing, dna tests, and then he will have to prove that you are an unfit mother! Get the hell out of there!
2006-12-04 17:19:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋