I have tried lots of things to help, read books, bought toys, and even joined a sex site with him but i always gett stomped at actually doing something i want to do, like i worried i might do it wrong, so then i dont do it and it irrates him, now he thinks im not into it, and then i feel retarded....help?
2006-12-04 08:15:31 · 17 answers · asked by tired 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
So from what I gather from what your saying is your eager to try but your holding back for fear you won't be any good or do it wrong. This isnt' just anyone honey. this is your husband. So its okay to tell him your a bit scared or shy on maybe not doing it right at first and if he can be patient or show you how he likes it. He won't make you feel ashamed or stupid least he shouldn't then he wouldn't be very nice and you wouldn't be married to him nor would you want to try anything with him. So just tell him honestly about your reservations and that you do want to try it its just you don't know how but with his help you wouldn't mind.
Think of it like this when it was back to your first time you made love weren't you scared and not sure what to do . so this is new too at first but if you let him know ahead of time he should be gentle and help you...
and see like you said up above he doesn't really no this so he thinks its him now and this rratates him. so you just need to communicate that to him a bit better. remember he can't read your mind or how your feeling some guys are good that way they can sense that but some men are oblivious to it all. so you just speak up.
2006-12-04 17:48:32 · answer #1 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is something that's in your mind. If you're worried that you "might do it wrong", you have to remember that your husband loves you.. he's not worried about you doing it right or wrong, he's interested in you trying.
A suggestion...
Sit down with your husband, and make a list of things he wants to try, and you make a list of things you want to try. Compare them. Take the things that you both want to do, and list them out based on a few criteria...like...
1. how hard is it to physically do
2. How comfortable you feel doing it.
3. will hurt the first time or take getting used to (you did have sex for the first time once... you did get used to it right?)
From there, start with the easiest one's. Let him try to teach you... (assuming he knows what he's doing).
Trying things via "the list" route will do a few things. One.. it will let him know you're interested. Two. working together to do it, will make you feel more comfortable. Three, it'll be an adventure..
Four, don't try to do too much in a short period of time. Practice makes perfect. If you like something, try it a few times..
To make things interesting, you could take a few of the things, write them down, fold them up, and take them out of a hat once a month.
Another important suggestion. Make a "safe" word. I don't know what your doing, or want to do... but when you're trying something new... if it could be painful... it's important to have a word that tells your partner to stop... The word should have NOTHING to do with sex. If you're role playing a rape, saying "no" or "stop" doesn't help you much. Something like "elephant", or "shampoo"... something that tells him.. STOP NOW.
Good luck
mj
2006-12-04 16:29:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Let him know that your not experienced in doing some things and ask him to help you along in learning, only if your willing too. Its the same the other way around. If your husband wasnt experienced and wasnt satisifying you, wouldnt you want to tell/show him what you would like to have done? This is something you and him need to talk about. Dont ever feel embarassed. If you do, you'll never really be satisified.
2006-12-04 16:21:29 · answer #3 · answered by PfcsBaby 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing wrong with you. It sounds like you and your husband are just not very compatible sexually; you enjoy different things. Not everyone is into toys and stuff you see in porn movies, and it's unfair to expect you to do something you're not comfortable with. On the other hand, if it is THIS important to him, you will probably have to try at least some of it, whether you enjoy it or not. I guess, the best solution would be to marry someone you are comfortable with sexually.
2006-12-04 16:23:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Only do what you're comfortable with. Personally I'd steer clear of the sex sites as thats heading for marriage problems. Read Dr. Phils advice on internet porn in the link below.
2006-12-04 18:02:17 · answer #5 · answered by me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The more you try the more comfrontable you'll get with trying new things.When it come to love making between a married couple, Don't worry about doing it wrong..You can't really do it wrong..Try and let yourself go..It can be very exciting to try new things my saying is "what happens behind closed doors, stays behind closed doors" Tell hubby to have patience that your trying!! Good Luck Sweetie
2006-12-04 16:33:50 · answer #6 · answered by Shem 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex should be fun, not right and wrong. Practice makes perfect. You gotta be willing to laugh about it if it goes wrong. I think you are expecting too much. A scene in a porn movie is probably shot dozens of times to get it just right. Start with something really simple, and just try that, and then build up to more agressive stuff. If something goes wrong, just try again, it's more fun that way anyway.
2006-12-04 16:20:03 · answer #7 · answered by javelin 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Sex is something when both must feel comfortable with. Between a married couple must have mutual respect. If you don't do it and irrates him, then you need to consider kick him out of the bed.
2006-12-04 20:49:56 · answer #8 · answered by Tan D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love your husband and trust him, just follow his lead. If he knows more about things like that, you'd be surprised what you'll like if you never try it. Who better to try it with but your husband! I agree some things can get really kinky and beyond me, but I've got a really great fiance who has taught me some things that I didn't know and never thought I'd want to try. With the right person, some of those extras are pretty satisfying. I was always pretty missionary when it came to sex until I met my fiance and he's as sexually open as you can get! He's really helped me to get in tune with my needs, desires and satisfaction!!!
2006-12-04 16:28:54 · answer #9 · answered by georgiarose_01 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sex is part of marriage life. It must not be manipulated or abused. To enjoy life long happy marriage, you need to enjoy healthy sexual life with one another, but not gravity or errotive stimulation through mechanical or visual means. This is unhealthy. You will not enjoy sex with one another for long in an unhealthy ways.
2006-12-04 23:32:25 · answer #10 · answered by AH HA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋