Im at my wits end with my mother in law?

Question

Confronting Mother in law?
I am at my wits end with my mother in law the problem is she is my new mother in law. I have onlt been married since september but I have been with my husband 6 years. She is trying to have everything her way for holidays and she is the most jealous wOman I have ever met. Not really jelous of me I don't think but of my husbands relationship with my parents they are very close and his relationship with his father and his wife (she hates them). Evertime we are with them nasty coments are made. She is just all around mean and selfish. I have never been close with her. I never talk to her on the phone like a lot of daughter in laws do with there mother in law so I feel like confronting her with my feelings about the holiday is just going to make things worse. Everytime my husband confronts her it goes in one ear out the other. She hears nobody but herself. I don't want this to get nasty because I know despite her not being the greatest mother to him and all the other issues he loves her.

Answer 1

As women we don't generally get along with our mother in laws. Cause for some reason they raised the almost perfect son and you don't come close. Don't worry bout her and focus on your husband. And if you find a rational way to deal with her, pass it on to me, cause nothing I've tried has worked! Merry Christmas!

Answer 2

Keep in mind the saying, "Never argue with an idiot; bystanders can't tell the difference."

So, if your hubby feels the same way, just make choices to minimize the time spent with her. Don't spill your feelings--until she asks. If you arrange it so that you only spend one or two hours with her during the holiday season, maybe she'll ask why you didn't spend more time with her. THEN you could say, "Oh, Betty, we just find it hard to enjoy ourselves when others are being criticized. It just takes the fun out of the holidays."

If she's really that selfish, she'll probably never ask. She's in a vicious cycle where no one wants to be around, so she gets meaner, which means no one wants to be around.

It sounds like hubby has tried to tell her, but if that's not working, don't rely on your words, just use your actions. They'll speak volumes louder anyway.

Answer 3

? What is your husband getting out of you hating his mother and are you sure you understand the families past? If a guy was kept from bonding with his mother for what ever reason he will usually marry someone more like his father. Some guys who's mother was disrespected by father and family members never got a chance to bond with their mother. Maybe she is recognizing something in you. In the future you may end up being party to creating a man that ends up pretty close to Hitler for a husband. Some fellows live in cognito meaning they had a relationship with their mother and they don't want you to know about it .....not with all that daddy replacement going on meaning his father failed him at some stage in his life. That's why, my dear, in healthy marriages ladies encourage their husbands to be whole and husbands do the same. After all, in marriage you are joining together first then family second. You are of one flesh therefore both of you should want the best for each other.

You don't want to get nasty? I am very confused then after reading the question I am sorry I have to be honest. Seems to me theirs a whole lot a nasty going on in your own words. Mother-in-laws don't take too kindly to attacks on the mother son relationship. Darlin you couldn't possibly know anything about any man's childhood because you would have had to been there. Could you be bringing his parents divorce to light again? Forcing him to relive it all over again and if so why would you need to do that to him and his family....specifically targeted at his mother? I don't honestly know the half of what's to be true and what's not to be true about my husband's childhood, his parents were not divorced and I'd get dizzy trying. So, the question remains what are you getting out of the get rid of his mother or else I may get nasty thing? Seems a tad barbaric without knowing what is truly the situation and that's just it you won't ever know because you had to be present especially with divorced parents. Did your husband play his parents against each other? Then why would you be any different? What good do you conclude getting nasty will do "to" your marriage eventually now that your husband has to redeal with his childhood for you? IMO being party to turning your husband into a complete baby will turn your life upside down in the future and your mother-in-law will have washed her hands of both of you because her son betrayed her and because you thought you knew it all. It's best not to fester a wound that someone could be finding enjoyment in you reopening it and just work on being a good person, wife, daughter, daughter-in-law, and mother if you have children. Think before you leap IMO.

Answer 4

Make this a positive thing, you and your husband have just started out on your newly married life, you can decide now what YOUR holiday traditions are going to be. You might want to think ahead to when you have children, what do you want out of your holidays? Harmony in the family? Don't confront her, it won't do any good. And if your holiday tradition doesn't involve her, so be it. So try to make this a good thing instead of becoming a hassle every year.

Answer 5

Believe me when I say don't do it. shes not going to lesson to you any way, stay far away, you well only get blamed for it. Are you living with them? if not just try to be civil when your over there. If she does make comments about your parents then that's the time to put your foot down, and let her know you will not take any bad mouthing from her that has to do with your parents other then that, ignore her. And if she becomes a person that you just can't be around then put in a appearance for an hour and leave.

Answer 6

you and your husband need to talk to her together you present a united front. Tell her you won't listen to her criticisms and nasty comments about your family anymore. Then enforce it by abruptly getting up and walking away the next time she starts on a rant.

She is probably insecure because you have a good relationship with all your other family and she is scared of being left out. But it's n o excuse for her behaviour.

Answer 7

Geez. Mine is quite the overbearing tubby, too. Before I was married, boyfriend's mothers and myself always got along with a mutual respect. That is what I expected in my marriage, too.
It boils down to this. She has the problem, reguardless of who her daughter in law is. Of coure, hubby will love her and will.
I just stay away from mine. I have to. She's a very mean person and she hates every one of her daughter and sonin law. It's really quite evil. If I feel guilty of bad for staying away, I just remind myself that I am not the caue of the problem and that the problem has exosted since before ai was alive. She has the problem. Let her own up to it. Don't accept her problem as yours.

Answer 8

I can relate..... I married the baby of the family and she has never liked me no matter what nor did she like my parents either! My husband tried to talk to her too but, it made no difference. She was mean and mad with me all the time so, I just got to the point I told her what we were going to do and that last year was with her so, this year we with mine and if thanksgiving with her then x-mas with mine! I told her she should not be so mean and to stop inssults to my parents as they did nothing to her! If she continued her ways we would be seeing less and less of her! My husband stood behind me 100% because without his support I could not of done it alone! She was mad at both of us for over a year, but one day she called and was as nice as she could be and started asking us what our plans were and asked she would like x-mas with her this year and thanksgiving with her next year so, we have finally come to an understanding. At least she acts like she does which is fine with me! I fought with her over 15 years so, Hun.... don't wait that long b/c it will make you a very unhappy person! As my mother-in law ...no one was good enough for her boy! It worked for me!!!!!

Answer 9

The two of you need to make a united front on the issue and face her together.
Tell her that if she can't be nice then you don't want her around.
It may take her a minute to come to terms with it but if you stick together and don't back down she'll get the point.

Answer 10

Okay, you're all going to have to sit down and lay it all out with her. Try to be civil as possible. Hopefully you can put her in her place before you have children because she will only get worse. All grandma's tend to overstep the boundries with the grandkids and it's a real pain for the parents.