For about three months, my 15-year-old cousin has been dating a 16-year-old classmate. At this point, at least as far as we know, most of their intimate activity has been limited to dating, kissing, hugging, cuddling, holding hands, and other relatively innocent stuff. There's been the occasional French kiss and backrub, which we ~think~ is probably fine...backrub might be pushing the line a bit, but there's a rule that my cousin must jeep her shirt on and there must ne ansolutely no hands going down anyone's pants or above my cousin's lower ribs.. Beyond that, though, which kinds of limits should be set? My Aunt and I are worried that if the rules about touching are too strict, the kids will just go somewhere else where there is not enough supervision and will then be more likely to make a stupid decision.
2006-12-04 06:34:12 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
In my opinion, the best thing to do is to arm them with knowledge. When my 13 y/o son started asking questions about sex, I anwered him honestly and genuinely (without holding back -- every single thing that he asked... without embarassment ~didn't want him to be scared for life by making him think that sex is a bad thing)... We went on-line and I showed him what all the different STDs look like. After seeing the pictures, he wanted to know how you get those things and I told him whole-heartedly and honestly. He's so terrified of getting a wart or a herpes blister or "crabs" in his pants that I'm positive that he'll do the right thing when the time is right. I also took him to the drugstore and picked out condoms with him, explaining all the "features"... then made him go to the register and pay for them himself. He was almost in tears from embarassment. We used the whole first box practicing on bananas so there was NO DOUBT that he could do it easily. Then I made him go back and buy another box on his own. Now he knows the causes and effects of having sex and how easy it is to protect himself properly.
Your cousin should go through EXACTLY the same thing. A girl who can buy and bring her own condoms is a girl who respects herself and her body.
It may seem like a brutal way to deal with it, but it's reality... and I'd rather shock him with the truth now than have him be shocked by experiencing it.
Show these sites to your cousin, after seeing some of these pics she'll definatley think twice when the time comes...
http://www.dph.sf.ca.us/sfcityclinic/stdbasics/stdimages.asp?std=HPV&image=1
http://www.healthinitiative.org/html/hiv/std/gallery.htm
http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/std/genital_warts_pictures.htm
p.s. you're a great cousin! She's lucky to have family that loves and cares for her like you do. Be proud!
2006-12-04 07:14:25 · answer #1 · answered by nuknuklion 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The backrubs are okay, as long as he is a nice guy, how well do you know him? If hes not such a good guy, yeah, he may be trying to feel her up. If hes nice, its all innocent. Yes, putting limits on that will drive them away from your supervision. Is he religious, and does he believe in waiting until marriage? Does she? I hope so, at that age. Talk to them, seperately. Find out what you need to know.
2006-12-04 18:43:40 · answer #2 · answered by Bibsy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, if they really do want to go further they'll find a way to do it with or without limits. I suggest you see where their relationship is headed and if it looks like sex, teach the grl how to use a condumn. I know that may not be easy, but its the best thing. You dont want a pregnant niece do you?
2006-12-04 15:25:42 · answer #3 · answered by Ray 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think they are too strict. I know my mom would kill me if I had sex at the age I'm at. Because of what she instilled in me (she didn't scare the living crap out of me, but she instilled values in me) I know not to push the limit.
Maybe if you continue enforce the rules she won't do what you think she's going to do when they are not supervised. Just make sure she isn't the type of girl that will fall for lines such as, "If you love me you'll do it" or "let me just put the head in" so she won't feel pressured to do it after she says no.
2006-12-04 14:50:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't know how you'll be able to enforce the rules as they are? Better to try to keep them near you, but eventually if they want to they will find a place alone. Make sure she knows what the consequences are of unprotected sex even from the first time. Including diseases and pregnancy.
2006-12-04 14:39:35 · answer #5 · answered by angelaflowerwater 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Setting limits will get you know where. If they want to have sex then they are going to have sex. You are no one else can stop them. Teaching her about pregnancy, birth control, STDs is the best route to go. Limitations will just make her want to do it more.
2006-12-04 16:10:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
teach them about safe sex or abstinence, and tell them the consequences of having sex without protection, because I'am 18 years old, and my mom told me about no touching and she used to let us kiss, but when my mom wasn't around we were having sex, Teenagers are just going to do what they want to do,and they won't listen to anyone, Take this advice from a teen
2006-12-04 14:51:04 · answer #7 · answered by sweet mama 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only thing you cause from all that rules and supervision, is to wake up there curiosity, and make them do it faster.
2006-12-04 14:43:49 · answer #8 · answered by Alberto R 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the kids might just do anything they want too
maybe he already reached in her shirt !!!!!
Don't let them go out for sushi dinner I think.
Buy them some condoms and make sure at least one of them knows how to use them.
Also, make sure they are approximately the same age emotionally
2006-12-04 14:38:56 · answer #9 · answered by kurticus1024 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i thinkk u should lay off the rules if she was raised rite, and she is smart she wont to nothin badd
2006-12-04 14:53:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋