My hubby and I have some really great friends- but, upon recently going to their home for a little get-together...I was asked to remove my shoes. It was cold, I had no socks on, I had powder on my feet, and I just felt it was demeaning. Especially when I told her I had nothing on my shoes, and held one up, and she said, "I know what my yard is like". Granted, she went and got me some socks- but, because of health problems, it's difficult to even get my shoes on... and these had laces. How can someone who is usually so kind and considerate ask me to do this? I can understand my kids... I rent, too, but, I don't make her do that. Talking to her won't help. I can't change her- she even makes her husband do it. Some may say to quit going over there, but, they are our friends. And, even if I would decline, my hubby would not. Is it rude, or not? To ask us to take our shoes off. If i had been wearing slip-on,'s, and had pretty feet- it wouldn't have bothered me as badly.
2006-12-04 05:57:52 · 14 answers · asked by answermaker96 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
She did not used to do that when she lived in her other house. Only my kids. I was not prepared for the change.
2006-12-04 06:06:47 · update #1
Also, I have mentioned in the past- when she was not this way--- that I thought such things were rude to do to people, and she didn't respond, but she didn't openly discuss it, either. So she knew before this I felt that way. People shouldn't have to walk around with hair nets on their shoes or take them off. So, obviously if I am telling her there is nothing on my shoes, it usually means I didn't want to take them off.
2006-12-04 06:10:19 · update #2
Jess- there was snow and mess all over the ground. ballet slippers wouldn't have worked that day. the ice going up to her house was dry-topped and clean, though...so nothing got on my shoes.
2006-12-04 06:24:58 · update #3
When I was younger, my mother would always ask us kids to take our shoes off and once in a while we did, but not very often. Well, a couple of years ago I moved to Japan and we had to take our shoes off for inside the house because most of the floors were tatami mats and you couldn't even wear slippers on them, they would get ruined. So I learned how to take my shoes off at the door and walk around in warm comfy socks. Believe me, I came to love it. There is nothing like just leaving your wet or muddy or just stiff shoes at the door and walking around in warm comfy socks. Many people have this desire to have no shoes in the house and it is completely understandable as it can not only track in mud, dirt, water, (dog poo), but also bacteria and virus material. Have you ever walked around your house in socks on a winter day when someone else has trudged snow through the house and not cleaned it up? How does it feel when your sock and foot goes splashing into the puddle left by the melted snow that you didn't know was there? If you have never felt this - it isn't pleasant and having to change your socks 6 times in a morning because one person felt like being inconsiderate and traipsed all over the house with snowy shoes, isn't fun! Shoes can be noisy in the house... For whatever reasons, it is the custom of many people to have shoes taken off at the door and as they are being gracious and hosting you for an evening in their home, you should return the favor and take your shoes off at the door (now that you are aware they expect this - do so as soon as you arrive without being asked). You can always put a comfy pair of socks in your pocketbook to be put on your feet as soon as you arrive. If it is such a problem for you to bring socks and take off your shoes at your friend's house, how good a friend are you really? Your excuse that she used to not have this rule in her old house is silly... a person can decide what rules they want in their house at any time and guests should respect their decisions. If taking off your shoes is that much a problem for you, graciously decline invitations to their house and either invite them out on the town with you or invite them to your house.
(if you had pretty feet it wouldn't have bothered you so much? well... whether or not you have pretty feet has nothing to do with your friend. You want to not wear socks and have pretty feel when you go there? Put some moisturizer on your feet and paint your toenails.. not very many people have pretty feet and even if yours are severely not pretty I'm sure your feet aren't going to be the main topic of conversation - and if they are - then your friend thinks you are close enough to discuss that sort of thing without it being a problem.
Anyway, your question was 'is it rude for her to ask you to take off your shoes'? My answer is "not at all! You are being rude if you make an issue out of it."
2006-12-04 06:43:23 · answer #1 · answered by River 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Your "friend" should have told lyou in advance of the new rules in her home. Instead she put you in an uncomfortable position. That is never the gracious thing to do. And for what? To not mar the floor. Keep the rug clean? Pretend she is in a different country where this is done by everyone? yes she was RUDE. But now that you know, its up to you to be prepared. take slippers. Some houses used to be made with a "mud room" thats where you changed out of work shoes into house shoes. I would ask, has she got a heated floor? If not you needed more than a pair of socks to keep warm.
2006-12-04 15:17:45 · answer #2 · answered by swamp elf 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think she should have let you know that she had a no-shoe rule in her home before she even invited you over. I think taking that choice from you was impolite, and your frustration at having to remove your shoes is fair -- though she has the right to want people to remove their shoes (How does she deal with workmen, then, who refuse to remove their shoes?)
My suggestion would be to have a special pair of elastic-mouthed ballet-style slippers or slip socks with gripping bottoms for going over to her house in. Carry them with you when you go, then when it's time to remove your shoes, pull them out and put them on. If she objects, then she obviously values maintaining her flooring more than her friendships.
You were polite in the situation and held your tongue, and perhaps offering her the polite suggestion to warn visitors so they can be ready to respect her house rules.
2006-12-04 14:16:23 · answer #3 · answered by Jess B 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i dont think it is rude. Maybe next time just think ahead, if your going over there wear slip ons socks and maybe bring a pair of slippers. Honestly, i dont like people wearing shoes in my house i take my shoes off when i go to other peoples house especially nopw that it's snowy!! Good Luck!
2006-12-04 14:09:22 · answer #4 · answered by turttlebert 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i think that is just a rule she has for her house and if she made the exception for you she would have to for others also my advice is next time you go over wear shoes easily removed and put on i have several friends that are like that and out of respect i don't say anything even though that is not a rule at my house
2006-12-04 14:04:06 · answer #5 · answered by linda y 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No,, I dont think she was trying to be rude,,, I do that same thing,,, but its because most of husband guy friends that come to my house dont care if they track anything in my house which is carpeted with beige carpet,,, but for the most part ,, alot of my friends just automatically take their shoes off at the door,,, without me even asking them,,, we have been acustomed to doing it at other peoples homes to,,, we purchased our home brand new 8 yrs ago and our carpet still looks good,,, and it has only been professional cleaned once,, but my son and I steam clean it once every 3 months,,,so that helps,,, I know it is strange,, and I am far from strange,,, but I have had people come in and track mud and other stuff in and didnt think twice about it,,, and that is rude,,, so I now ask them to remove their shoes,,, there are a few people that I will let come in with their shoes like my mom,,, lol,,,, my husband is a tech and goes in peoples homes all day and he cant take his shoes off becasue of safey rules,,, so he is supplied with booties,, and when a customer asks him to remove his shoes he goes and gets those booties,,, you might pick up a few disposable pairs and keep them in your car for emergencies like that. Hope this helps.
2006-12-04 14:18:53 · answer #6 · answered by Ed R 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
i understand your uncomfort by coming into someone's home and being asked to take off your shoes but at the same time it is rude if when being asked to and you refuse. I mean just simply because its their home, and you went over. My advice is do what you think is respectful without ruining your friendship ask her motives, or just give a weird excuse like your feet has a cut ...you think about it. And believe me your not the only one who feels about these.Good Luck......
2006-12-04 14:22:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I have been to homes where everyone is asked to take their shoes off. Its one thing when you go the first time and you aren't prepared, but if you have been there before you should know what to expect. Its considered rude if they have a no shoes policy in their home and you refuse to take your shoes off.
2006-12-04 14:02:29 · answer #8 · answered by smartypants909 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If she knew how much that bothered you, then yes it would have been rude. But it sounds like she didn't know. I would, in the future, tell her that it bothered me, and if one of the prerequisites was taking off your shoes before entering her home, you will not be returning. Good Luck!!!
2006-12-04 14:07:39 · answer #9 · answered by pupcake 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it is her house and so she the right to tell you so, it is a bit mean of her but you can't say anything or it will be rude because it is her house after all. try avoid going there or if you want to visit her go meet her at shop or something and only go to her house when you really needed to.
2006-12-04 15:56:50 · answer #10 · answered by sere s 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋