Serious question for people who really want to help???

Question

I'm 20 years old, in college, and I'm living at home because rent in Hawaii is too expensive and it'd be hard to go to school and work long hours to pay rent. However, I'm gonna have to move out eventually, and I'm cool with that, but scared in the back of my mind. It isn't the thought of being on my own, I'm a very shy person with no friends except for a couple online and my cousin (although he's more my brother's friend). I'm afraid that if I move away from my family that I will completely shut myself out from the worl and be extremely depressed (it already happens sometimes because I'm a lonely person). I know I have to try be social, but no matter what I do, I instinctivly just am not.

I'm thinking that maybe if I move out it will force me to learn to be social, but I'm afraid my "condition" will only worsen if I move out.

Answer 1

Im glad that you wrote this question because now I know that there is someone else in the world like me, lol. I really dont have any friends except for my boyfriend and my parents. I have a couple online friends also that I talk to but even when I try and make plans with them i either dont feel like it or become anxious or worried about it and dont go. I also feel that I just am not a social person because I am so shy. All i want to say is you are not the only one out there like this and i think that if you do move out and get bored enough you will go out and make friends, but i have also learned that good friends are hard to come by so if you do make new friends, pick some good ones!

Answer 2

I am not what you would call a social butterfly. I was all but to happy to move out of my parents home, I was 16 I think.
You are not social and this is no problem, unless of course you are lonely and unsocial. This can be a problem. You do not have to be social! I know society says that everyone has to but some of us our not cut into the same mold as everyone else.
Living somewhere where the rent is high as your state (our state is up there too!) you are going to have to learn to live on very little means at first. Like everyone does. Learn this word, thrift stores! Oh and learn to eat top roman...and learn where the all you can eat places are, it is only you. No kids...you will meet people where ever you go, even if you are not all that social.
It is good for a young person to go out in the real world. It sure is scary at first!! Then you get used to it. Then one develops a self worth that is like know other!!
You will be fine, water is cold at first but it warms up after a while!

Good luck :0)

Answer 3

Wow! Have you considered getting help? Because seriously... that's so not healthy. Seek counseling, because you certainly don't want to continue being afraid, shy or antisocial. Your parents (no disrespect intended) will not be around forever and I'm sure one day you'll want to be married and have children. Your children will have and need a social life that will need to include both parents.

Before you continue with this unproductive and unfulling lifestyle please consider counseling in order to get to the root of the issues you have with being social.

A certain amount of shyness is ok however, when it impacts a persons life to the extent that they become reclusive and terrified of public contact it's definitely a huge negative issue. You need to start asking yourself some key questions like:
1. Why am I afraid of being in social settings?
2. What events (if any) from childhood had the most siginifcant impact on how I relate to people?
3. Do I really enjoy living a shelter existance?
4. Have I explored options (ie organizations, therapy, help groups) in assisting me to overcome this issue? Do I really care?
5. What role (if any) do my parents play in either contributing to me being shy/sheltered or afraid of going out on my own?

Hopefully, you'll make a positive step in seeking help, because you have a lot to offer the world by being a positive active participant not only in social settings... but life in general.

All the best!

Answer 4

If I were you I would finish school first, then move out when you get a good job, cuz you'll be real busy working and going to school, you wont even be home a lot, and it'll be a waist of money. Get a myspace, and find some people in yo area to go out with. And I think u need some liquor!!! That brings everyone out of their shell, but not too much, so u dont act dumb, and chase away yo friends. Keep yo head up, you wont get no where with it down!

Answer 5

You will be okay I didn't had a friend that was like that and at first she only had my but then you start thinking to yourself you have your own place to do what you want so then you want to do thing maybe have a party or something and thats how it starts. Don't look at in a bad way look at it as you get to know who you real are because you never get to know intell you get way from your mom and dad and then the real you come and you're like wow I never new I could be like that. There the person that their and the person that grows up and intell u move out you don't meet that person

Answer 6

You could try moving in with roommates. It solves the problem of paying too much rent and you would have people to socialize with. Take your time is selecting people to live with and try to get some that you click with. Also you can get a job that forces you to interact with others. Put some energy into meeting people and you will meet with success. Also remember you don't need many people to be happy. In fact you really don't need anyone. As long as you are happy. When you are comfortable with yourself and happy you will be sure to meet some good people.

Answer 7

Hey Shy :)

First let me say that you seem so sweet and if I were in Hawaii and I were single, I'd love to go out with you and hang out.

OK....since you seem like such a sweet guy, my suggestion to meet other nice people is not to go out to clubs or bars. You'll only meet wild people there and have uneven odds of meeting anyone of "quality". Instead, get a side job in a fun location (like the tourist strips) where you can be expsoed to toher people who are always in a good mood and looking to have fun. You can also start to volunteer at shelters and hospitals. You'll meet other people who are kind and more so than that you will feel like you are making a difference. A side benifit to doing that is chicks love a guy who "gives" not only of his time, but of himself. You'll get approached in no time, trust me :)

Don't worry about getting out on your own. it can be hard, but it's so rewarding to be independant and self reliant. What worked for me was getting a calendar and marking down all my bills. but in addition to the things i HAD to do, I made mandatory outting days.

I also suffer from bouts of depression, and making those mandatory outing days really helped me. Go to places where there are people. Make eye contact with others and put fear behind you. Somtimes all you have to do is say "Hi" to someone and they start a conversation. The only way to not be lonely, is to not let yourself be alone! But that doesn't mean you have to stay with your familyu alll the time.

Good Luck Mr. Hawaii.....

Answer 8

Try living with roommates. It's a good way to meet people. It's cheaper and you'll have a ready-made social scene. It may not be ideal and it may be stressful, but it will give you practice of stepping out of your comfort zone. You can't spend the rest of your life at home and moving out by yourself will give you no incentive to get out, just an excuse to shut yourself in.

Answer 9

If you fight your fears,you will get over them but if you don't you will live with them forever.I used to be very shy in the midst of new people but i was forced to be social when i went to a boarding school.Even though I'm still dealing with a little bit of shyness,i try hard to prevent it from getting in my way of success.There are 99 out of 100 chances that you will work with a lot of people in your lifetime so you will have to deal with your shyness now and move on.

Answer 10

Yes it's me again. Unless your someone other person with the self same name. I would think a therpist some some kind would do the trick. I have a friend who is extremely shy but b/c she takes meds she's out in the world making friends.