My husband is acting very different lately and I am worried he is having an affair?

Question

My husband has been acting extremely strange. He seems to be very distant lately. He is always tired and wants to sleep (home again from work). When I ask him to sit with our 11 month old, he does but then focuses more on the golf channel or the football game that is on. He does not really talk to me much. When I try and talk with him about what is going on he snaps at me and says, "NOTHING IS WRONG AND I AM NOT HAVING AN AFFAIR." The other thing that is making me supious is that he asked if he can go to a bar by himself last night and told him I rather him stay at home with me and our son because he has pretty much not been around and plus I needed the help (just recovering from cancer, so I have been tired and doing everything with no help) and he goes FINE. It was not like it was important. He was going to see someone from work play in a band and he never goes to a bar. Usually he would ask me to go or something. Do you think he is having an affair or most like depressed?

Answer 1

He sounds depressed.

Answer 2

Wow... Mine is doing the exact same thing. I've been assuming he was depressed or something, but I suppose that is a possibility as well. He has this new job that pays based on commission alone, and he leaves when he wakes up and comes home around 8 or later every night. One night he asked me to wait up, he'd be home around 11:30. At 1:45am, he comes in, he'd had a beer and cigars with "the gang," which includes girls. I tried not to make a big deal, but it was a big deal to me. I'm home all day with our children, cleaning up after all of them (including him), and I know work is important, but I just don't feel like we are anymore.

I pray that it's just depression (for your and mine), but I don't think it would be out of line to keep an eye on the situation... If you have the money, hire a PI to follow one day. If not, ask a trusted friend to drop by the bar he's going to or whatever. If after a couple tries, you learn nothing, assume you are wrong and look into ways to help depressed loved ones... Sorry to hear someone else is dealing with this (and on top of dealing with cancer, at that), but if you need someone to talk to or vent to, You can contact me anytime! Good luck, sweetie!! ♥

Answer 3

Dangerous ground you tread on here. Chances are he is not having an affair.... yet. He may feel unhappy and/or trapped with the only thing giving him calm is to be alone with his thoughts or his beer at the bar.

However, from what you say he is definately exhibiting the early stages of having one. He is probably only one woman showing interest in him away from having one. Some of the first stages of an affair is to (1) rationalize in one's own mind why they are unhappy, and (2) begin to establish patterns of behavior to explain any lost time (aka I just needed to be alone)

My advice to you is to clear the air. The sooner the better. Be very carecful not to accuse him of anything. The important thing here is that you guys communicate, and above all, don't get defensive if he says things that upset you. That will only add fuel to the fire. It is easy to fall out of love when two people fail to communicate. Take charge and don't let that happen.

peace out.

Answer 4

This is kind of hard because he can be stressed and worried about your health since you are recovering from Cancer...He may not know how to handle your health problems and cannot come and talk to you....I think that in a way he does not know how to handle your health issues..

Let him go and hang out...it might make him feel better but then again, all you can do is hope he's not going to find someone to talk to about his worries and it turns into more.....

On the other hand, you need to know if his patterns are changing and he's working later than usual and doing other things, then he mayy not want to touch you from the guilt that he's feeling...I need to know what he's doing or not doing anymore....

Try your best to talk to him, if he keeps persisting, just leave him a note or a message on his phone...'


I wish you luck...

Answer 5

I don't think we can tell. I can tell you that lots of guys (me included) have acted like that and were not having affairs. But lots are as well. This isn't enough to know.
Sometimes guys (and women) find themselves married, screaming kid, demanding spouse, bills piling up etc and find it overwhelming - they just want to go back to like before, at least for a little bit. Doesn't mean they don't like what they have they just want to escape a little once in a while.
Talk (not nag) to him and ask him. Don't do it when he is upset - bring it up when he's in a good mood. Maybe make a nice breakfast on the weekend. Who knows. It might be just reality setting in.

Answer 6

Well, something is up. Don't accuse, it doesn't help. I'd try to sit down with him (with NO distractions, get a sitter if you have to) and try to discuss what's going on. Tell him you understand if he's feeling a bit overwhelmed right now with you being ill and all, but YOU need support, too. Keep the conversation in the "present", don't bring up the past, if need be ask if he thinks counseling will help. If he says "no", go for yourself. Good luck and get well!

Answer 7

Either way, he has problems...

Have you asked him to go to counseling with you??? You might ask him if he is willing to invest in making your marriage and family better and stronger by accompanying you to a therapist. It will be the best money and time you have ever spent.

He may be having an affair.. he may be depressed, or both, but either way he is shutting you out and you deserve better. You deserve to be with someone who loves you. Does he love you? Have you asked him? He deserves to be happy and you deserve the truth.

Good luck, dear, either way you need to face the truth and not shove it under the rug.. whether you heal this and grow stronger and closer, or ulitmately you break up, facing it will make things better than they are now.

good luck to you.

Answer 8

As I read your account of your husband's behavior, I first thought, "she's right...he's having and affair." But then, blam, there is your answer in your question. You are recovering from cancer. Your mortality has hit him...he fears he may loose you to the disease and is working on distancing himself from those that he loves in hopes of avoiding the painful conclusion. Assure him that you love him, don't be too needy, hang in there...he's recovering, too.

Answer 9

sounds to me as if he is having an affair. if his behavior has drastically changed, and he seems to be detached from u, it could be an affair. so sorry for u, with all your other problems right now. it does seem that he is not himself, and we need to pay close attention to our intuition. why did he get so defensive when u ask what was wrong? when my ex first began cheating he too denied an affair, and got defensive with me. he too seemed to be very distant from me. he too stopped taking me places and just stopped talking to me alltogether. we need to listen to what our intuition is telling us when we really don't know. think a woman can sense it and feel it.

Answer 10

No he isn't, he is probly unhappy about something that you have no control over. Mine went through a stage like that and after he got moved to another location at work, it was like I got my husband back again. Just let him have some space and he will come around. It does no good to pressure him.

Answer 11

Probably just stressed from work. Most companies get extra business around the holidays so that means more pressure from the bosses...
Just give it some time.