Men are sometimes needy, and so are children. When your husband hears jokes, from other married men, on tv, or in real life about how wives never "give it up" after kids, because theyre always "too tired" yadda yadda.... or how ever since the baby, the breast are off limits, or even, when wives are pregnat, how they never want to be touched and cry when they dont gt their snickers bar... (you get thepoint) your husband truely gets scared, not oh no scared, but more like, I dont want that to happen to me scared. The fact he told you he wasnt ready in the beging should have signaled a big "hello, I am not mature enough to have kids, because its all about me" but now that you have settled into the married life, he honestly wants you to be happy, and he knows a child would do that, so he maturly and lovingly enough tells you he's ready... but you know him enough,... and your picking up on the signals that hes still not ready. He wants to be ready for you, but he's not ready for himself. First off, if he feels your lonely, then he may feel incompetant as a husband, as your companion, he may feel he's not satisfing you, see to him, he should be the one who makes you smile, laugh, and feel comforted, but when you express why you want kids, he shuts down and hears "your not all I need, i still need something else" If you rush him, things could go down hill, because hell feel forced into being a father, if you never mention it again, you may never have your hearts desire for kids, and if you divorse over this issue, you lose out on a good man..and have to wonder if youll ever find another. So I think that you should approach him lovingly, and keep his feelings in mind the whole conversation(no finger pointing, yelling..etc) Explain that youve always wanted to be a youg mother, and you feel that the both of you will make great parents, followd by something like... I understand that in the beging we(him, but say we, your married, your 1) werent ready for children, and I am thrilled that you have told me you think we can start trying,but before I get off the pill, I think we should have this converstatuon. I need to make sure that we are sure about this. The baby is going to take a lot of time, I want to make sure, right now, that we make a vow to always make time for ourselves, because I feel thats very important, you mean the world to me, and a child will enhance our lives together, but never take away from eachother... you get where I am going with this, I dont want to write a script these words have to come straight from the heart, but in the end of the conversation hopfully he will feel less threatened by the idea of having kids, and more willing,( hopefully bu the end of the convo, you got your okay, for getting off the pill) if not maybe you can talk to a coucilor, church pastor, or truested friend about your feelings, so your not being ignored during this process, I think if you got him to say he's ready, even if hes not, then at least he is considering it, wher as it was a straight NO in the beging. best of luck and rely on Gods timing, it the only perfect time we have.
2006-12-04 06:21:54
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answer #1
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answered by AntzaGurl 3
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I wish I knew your age. Please be patient....I tell you this because rushing something without the consent of your spouse will only bring about hardship.
When I was in my 20's, I wanted a baby, however my first husband did not. His excuse was that he did not want to share me with anyone. As time went on I was glad I did not have his baby. I would not have wanted to be tied to someone like that through a child.My first husband and I were married for 18 years. The relationship turned abusive on his part. I eventually was able to leave and got a divorce.
That was 4 years ago, In June I remarried a wonderful loving man. He has never had children either. I am now 37 and he is 40. Next year we are going to start planning a family.
This is the man I want to be the father of my children.
I am not saying to get a divorce, all I am saying there is a reason for everything. The reason may not be apparent to us yet, but it will be revealed. The important thing for you to do is be patient. Don't rush it. When your husband is ready, he will be the best father and supportive husband to you.
Men think about alot, but do not reveal their thoughts to us many times. He may be thinking of providing for a family...can he afford it now, he may be thinking he wants to work longer to to save money to start a family.....ASK HIM WHY? Don't ask in a threatening way...because the response will be negative. wait for the right moment to ask him what his reasons are. After talking to him...you might agree...so please don't be too haste in your decisions. I wish you the very best.
2006-12-04 05:43:57
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answer #2
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answered by samantha H 2
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I've got it. I know it has a good chance of working, because it happened to me.
Determine who is your cutest and best mannered young nephew or baby nephew. Then (accidentally) get in a situation where you and your husband will need to baby sit that nephew.
Say nothing about having children, but make sure you will need to leave the house for a while and leave your husband with that cute wonderful nephew.
When you get back to the house you will be amazed how your husband has grown attached to the idea of having children.
My wife says, if that doesn't work, find somebody who will want to have children with you. Not an easy task, however that is better than living with a person who has such different viewpoints about children than you.
2006-12-04 05:34:07
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answer #3
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answered by MrsOcultyThomas 6
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How old are you? Really, the older you are when you have children, the better parents you will be. The youngest I would ever suggest is around 25 if you are mature and educated beyond your years. Otherwise, I think starting in your late 20s is the best time for you and your children. Don't push him on it, just talk to him and see what he is thinking. He may not want to tell you because you have been so pushy.
2006-12-04 05:26:54
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answer #4
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answered by Jon O 4
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Beautiful, from what you said it doesnt sound like your husband DOESN'T want kids, just not now...same as he told you before you married. Its really mature that you respect that and not try to 'trick' him as some people suggest. Same as you'd want him to respect your wishes of not tricking you by lieing, cheating, etc.
Please do NOT listen to these people talking about your man, saying you need to divorce him cause he's using excuses or immature for not wanting kids. I have family in the exact same situation as you. They almost came to head over this issue and divorced, but after many years they did something unimaginable and are happy again. Know what they did? Adopted. :)
2006-12-04 06:36:31
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answer #5
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answered by Anonymous
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Ok... If he said he's ready, thats probably as much of a "go ahead and STOP TAKING THE PILL" as you are going to get. Take control of your own life.... My best friend puts it best when she says.... NO honey, I have the P U S S Y, I make the rules!
2006-12-04 05:27:27
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answer #6
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answered by Angel Eve 6
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Wait since if you decide to do it without his consent things can go really wrong....
If you are that lonely, try and get a pet for now....
Trust me, once you have a kid, kiss a lot of your life goodbye! It really changes things.....
2006-12-04 05:25:28
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answer #7
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answered by JohnS 4
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You answered your own question. You can't "make him want it". You can't make him do anything. If you force it on him he may resent you. If you can't talk about it to him and explain how you feel maybe you shouldn't have kids with him, either. Men are terrified of commitment. Babies bind you for life.
2006-12-04 05:27:01
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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this is somthing you should have dicussed before marriage you will never be able to make him want a baby however he can not stop you from having one and who doesn't love a baby when they are new his attitude will change once HIS baby is a reality to him good luck
2006-12-04 05:25:55
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answer #9
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answered by Amy M 5
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Get a kid in your life, whichever way. Will change your life and relationship for good !
2006-12-04 05:32:58
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answer #10
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answered by Don 2
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