Do you ever feel like you are not good enough for your husband?

Question

Does he make you feel like you are real small sometimes and you wish he would be proud of you?

No. like you try so hard for them to notice you are smart, outgoing, fun etc.. but all he see is the negative . It's like always trying to make them proud but there is nothing they are proud of seems like to you always complainig or something. He never came out and told me just makes me feel like I need to be something i am not.

Answer 1

Understand this. The way someone treats others, is a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves. If your husband belittles you or is condescending to you, then it is his feelings of inadequacy that he is projecting onto you.
He may not even realize if he is doing it, or he may not actually mean to hurt you. Sometimes people assume that criticism motivates people, but it never does. Sometimes people don't realize that they take out their frustrations on others. Sometimes people don't realize that when they feel inadequate, everyone else's shortcomings become magnified to them. It may be easier or more comfortable to focus on the shortcomings of others than to think about their own.
If you want things to change, then just telling how you feel will not guarantee that it will. The way to guarantee things to change is to modify your own behavior. When you do this, he will automatically respond differently.
When your hubby complains or critices you, step into his shoes and tell him how you think HE must be feeling. Even if you get it wrong, the effort you make to see HIS side of things will change how he responds. It will give him a chance to clarify what his intent was (from his point of view). He might even discover that he did or said something that was out of line. The thing here, is that you won't be the one pointing it out.
And don't be afraid after you do this, to ask him to step in your shoes. Ask him how he would feel to hear his criticism, if he were you. Ask him to tell you how he thinks you must be feeling.
This will give you two the chance to understand each othe's perception. It is how you demonstrate empathy for each other.
When two people are married for a while, they forget to see beyond their own perspective. it become all about their point of view, their needs, their wants, their priorities, and it's easy to forget that the marriage is not all about themselves.
When you go out of your way to understand, you will then be understood. And if you want fulfillment from your partner, you lead by example. You actively seek to fulfill your partner, and their behavior will change.
We all want to be needed, liked, cared about , appreciated, admired, powerful, attractive, and sought after. When you give those things freely without conditons, it will come back to you. It happens automatically. Like when you thank someone, and they say "You're welcome."
Try this and I hope you feel better. Take care.

Answer 2

You are good enough. He gets in a mood and stuck in a rut. Then he takes this out on you. This is what a lot do and is a carry over from being that way at work which is not right either. Both of you need to be around more supportive people. Then his attitude will start to change and you can be happier again. He needs to let things go that upset him and look at the brighter things. Looking at the dark negative is a habit that needs to be broke. A change for him to be around happy supportive people will make a big difference. If you lookmhis friends will be the same way he is.

Answer 3

Yes, I do all the time! My husband is very critical, that is just his nature. I hate it but there doesn't seem to be much I can do about it.
I am having a hard time keeping up with housework and keeping things as neat as he wants them. I work and take care of 3 children. He works too, but instead of giving me a chance to do something that he sees as being "undone" he will go and do it himself, all the while slamming things around and complaining.
he yells at the kids when they are "messy" and makes my son feel bad for taking too long to get ready for school. He did it again today--we got him up at 7:50 to get on the bus at 8:25. (because he changed the alarm on the clock--AGAIN without telling me so that I had to rush) I told him we need more time than that, but he just complained that we were too "slow".
Now that I see him being nasty to the kids, I know it isn't just me! I used to think it was all my fault because I am so bad at so many things, but now I am beginning to see he has a lot of his own issues!

If I were you I would ask him why he is so critical and why he doesn't notice when things are going well or the things you are good at.
I had this conversation with my husband a few times, and every once in a while it sinks in. Hope your husband is not so clueless!

Answer 4

No, I KNOW that I am better than him. However, I see your point and I think it is sad that you would have to try so hard. I'm sure if you were about to walk out the door he would then be willing to show appreciation for your attributes. If he doesn't start showing some change it is probable that he will slowly kill your love for him and he won't realize it until it is too late. Either he is oblivious and self centered or he is manipulating you to make you feel worthless and more appreciative to have him.
I am sorry that you feel this way dear. Keep your head up and good luck in the future!

Answer 5

There are times you feel you can never be good enough. Believe in yourself. It is not right to make you feel like nothing you do will please him. That is his problem, not yours. Do the things you enjoy. If your husband is willing to seek counseling with you, good luck. Even if he does not you should for your own piece of mind. Don't let anyone else undermine you. It is harder when that someone is your husband. When some one demeans who you are, they have issues and sometimes it empowers them to hurt you.

Answer 6

I am the biggest, nagging pain in the neck and nobody on the planet is good enough for me. If there is such a man, I've not met him.

Answer 7

Dont loose your self esteem. No body can tell you that you are not good enough. You are unique and the best person on this earth, Always remember that

Answer 8

My husband makes me feel that way all the time. He constantly criticizes me and yes, I feel real small all the time. It's wrong for one person to make another person feel that way. I have been told many times I should divorce him.

Answer 9

I am wondering what is he trying to get you to do?
Or how do he make you feel small?

Answer 10

I have felt that at times.My husband though has never tired to belittle me. I think its just because i have my days