but I need some real experience here.My husband joined an accounting firm about five years ago. He is now a partner. About a year ago he started talking alot about a new female associate. They belonged to the same professional organizations, etc. I AM naive, OK? No need to point that out. Ha! Anyway, he has always had late work days, etc but it started to increase. I, who used to have a glass of wine for New Year's and one for Thanksgiving, started to drink a lot. No, I am not blaming him; these are the facts. In June, he moved out saying that it was because of my drinking. (For those who need details, I never drank around my three kids, it was when he was out and the kids were asleep and I never drank to the point of falling down, passing out or dui.) It turned out that he got involved with this woman BEFORE he left and saw her until two weeks ago. We have mutual friends so I know that he broke it off. He wants to come home. Did you faithfully return to your wife?I drink no more. AA
2006-12-04 04:29:08 · 9 answers · asked by terry M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Look, people cheat for usually one of two reasons. One, they are not getting what they need at home. This also includes sex, love, attention, the feeling of being needed. And second, men "feel" like they need a challenge and if they cheat once, watch out cause they will do it again.
The best thing is kick him to the curb, make him pay his share for the kids he left at home for this other female. The majority of men who cheat once will do this again and as long as your his safety net, where he can go run and gun and have all kinds of fun, he can run home to you.
The alcohol was an excuse on his part so, go on with your life and don't look back. Trying to make it work, and going thru this over and over again is not good on the kids. Many people will tell you to stick it out for the kids sake, well, having grew up with three different step dads, I can tell you, the kids suffer when its strung out over and over again.
Good luck to you.
2006-12-04 04:36:41 · answer #1 · answered by bigmikejones 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Gee this is a rough one to answer, It seems that you and your husband had grown apart given your brief description. He had a friend at the office that he was spending more time with her and probability thought of getting a women point of view to change something. This is how most things happen or at least with me. You on the other hand sounds like you had issues but with no one to vent too so drinking became a outlet. It doesn't matter if you drank in front of the kids or not. It was used as a outlet. Now he had his fling and wants to come home. It is very hard to build trust back once it was lost. But not impossible both you and your husband must be totally committed to making the relationship work. The affair and the drinking is just the tip of the iceberg. Couples therapy will only work if both are committed don't waste your time and money if that is not the case. If you do decide that you have to end the relationship then try to remember that your children need and want both of you in their lives and learning to be good co-parents are better than fighting in custody battles. If you can't agree on parenting issues then try a parenting coordinator to resolve issues which will be cheaper than the lawyer's and the courts can do for you. Good luck
2006-12-04 04:47:42 · answer #2 · answered by chancesare45 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While he wasn't totally honest, he did separate knowing he was having this relationship, which is somewhat commendable. He just used you as his excuse instead being a man and saying he met someone else.
Everyone's relationship is different and only you know your husband best. If you know for sure he has broken it off and want to take him back do so. But remember the track record that you will establish....You left me to go cheat, I know it, you break it off I take you back. Now that you accept that you kind of give him the idea that he may be able to do this sort of thing again.
Hopefully not but that's the chance you take by accepting him back.
2006-12-04 04:39:33 · answer #3 · answered by www.treasuretrooper.com/186861 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I never moved out, but I had an affair with someone I worked with. That was 4 years ago and I never strayed since. I am so happy I stayed with my wife. She is a wonderful person and I love her very much. If you need more info e-mail me at pistolpaulyr2@yahoo.com good luck
2006-12-04 04:34:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You saw it coming and drank to help you ignore it. He neglected you and your family for a long period of time. He moved in with this other woman abandoning you and his family, and then he discovered that the grass was not in fact greener and now he wants to come back. Tough crap. He screwed this up way to big. A drunken one night stand that should never have happened is one thing. This is completely another. This was premeditated for months. He lied for months. He finally decided she was better than you, and then he learned the truth about her and wants you, second best, back. Hell no.
2006-12-04 04:40:50 · answer #5 · answered by javelin 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think the drinking was just an excuse for him.He was after that pussy and would do anything to get it.He is a man and will do anything to get another woman.How good the sex is at home don't matter.It was just strange pussy to him,but when she fell in love then things changed and he don't want any part of that.Because he loves you.
2006-12-04 06:02:52 · answer #6 · answered by Cherokee indian 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Me myself don't believe in cheating..I say dump him...but I do think just by reading your question and the way you try to justify yourself that you might be part of the problem....GL
2006-12-04 04:44:23 · answer #7 · answered by mrcc33 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dump the loser
he is garbage
2006-12-04 04:34:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
i've been there too. its hard.
2006-12-04 04:43:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋