we've been married 5 yrs. my wife shows very little affection. says that's the way she is. how to cope?

Answer 1

If she was like that when you married her, I'm sorry, but she's probably right, it's just how she is. I say seek some therapy or even a support group. People need affection and it could be very dangerous that you don't get it from her for your relationship. If she's willing to be a giving partner in your relationship, then she should consider working on herself and learning how to show affection.

Answer 2

It can be difficult when one is affectionate & the other just isn't. Been there done that. Sometimes you can get them to see things from a different point of view, & sometimes they just don't want to. The best way I have found to cope with this is to just let the hurt go & continue giving my love & affection regardless of any return of the same. My partner gives back in different ways & while I would love to have affection returned, it doesn't always happen. Sometimes I get a little touch of the hand or brush of the hair... so I soak up all that I'm given & accept it. Other times it's holding my hand or leg or whatever. Then there are the times when nothing. Not so much as a kiss unless I ask for it. Perhaps when your wife was younger, she didn't get much affection from her parents. That's usually where it stems from. Then later on in life, she might have just decided that it was a useless or wasted emotion. Something she really should work on, but you can't force her. Try talking with her & tell her how you feel about it. Perhaps you both should go to counselling to get to the root of the issue & maybe she'll want to work it out & try to be better at giving affection. I've talked with my partner & she's a lot better than she use to be. Sometimes you have to repeat the talking process, but if you don't mind & have a ton of patience then it just might be worth it in the end.

Answer 3

I really feel for you with such a unbalance relationship. I lasted over twenty years with a wife like that and refused to get help. I finally filed for a divorce because life is really too short. I found out later that she was molested when she was a child and that I believe that was the root of a lot of the issues. If she refuses to get help and happy with her life then its like the old saying about the horse and drinking... You can try counseling yourself and read up on materials but I am sure you have tried those routes too with little success. If you can't find happiness then leave don't go for a affair just end it and find someone that wants to be with you. Have the confort of knowing that you had tried and did your very best to make things work. Good luck...

Answer 4

you will just have to be the one that provides the affection for the both of you. You could try talking to her about it and come to some arrangement even if its only for her to show you affection when she can. Thing is if she is that way inclined then no matter what you say she will not change, but if you take the time to show her that she could do little things to make you happy. It doesn't have to be hugging of cuddly you lots but just small things hopefully she will take notice and start being more affectionate

Answer 5

Some people are not very expressive by nature or because of their upbringing. It does not mean that they do not have affection. You need to make her comfortable and hope she responds gradually. The ice will melt someday when she feels that it is Ok to let go and express herself. Best of luck.

How to cope??? Keep loving her and do not expect anything in return. i think that is what true love is.

Answer 6

If that's how she is, you should be used to it after 5 years..

Answer 7

Find someone who shows you some affection. If your wife is going to blatantly disregard your needs when you need her most than go find someone who makes you feel good. Life is too short to feel shitty, and it sounds to me like your wife has abandoned her committment to you and has grown cruel.

I say this under the assumption that you have tried until you are blue in the face to get her to respond to your needs. Including suggesting counselling. Sounds to me like she probably won't respond to that either. If the situation was reversed, you can bet her and her friends would eat you alive.

So go have fun, and walk around with a smile on your face.

Answer 8

I am assuming she was always like that, so my answer would be to go back in time, and not marry her. If its a new thing for her to be distant, you are going to have to find a way to communicate with her. I also have seen that women who are like that, are the same time very needy of attention. Give her some of that cold, like she isn't even there behavior she is more than willing to give you. It'll drive her crazy

Answer 9

Just keep showing her affection, maybe she will come around. My mother was like that, I knew she loved me but I always wanted her to show affection, as I got older, she told me that's just how she is but she is better than she was.

Answer 10

If you have been married 5 years surely you have been dealing with it any way.Not every one is cuddly as long as you love each other what else matters?