Does this SENTENCE seem too long? Any suggestions?

Question

I'm really picky with my writing and something tells me this sentence is not right, i.e., too long.

Any suggestions?

The 2004 film – “Hotel Rwanda” – is a biographical/historical film about a real hero-like figure – "Paul Rosessabagina" – hotel manager in Kigali (capital of Rwanda), played by “Don Cheadle”, whom within his means saves the lives of more than one thousand people seeking refugee in the tourist hotel he manages during the 1994 civil war in Rwanda.

Wow, all answers have been great! Thanks so much. Now I'll just work with all the answers and form something. This really helped. Thank you again.

Answer 1

Ouch! I like Can't Say's version - everyone else has BUTCHERED it! It is NOT a run-on sentence; it's grammatically correct but a bit lengthy. Here's my preference:

The 2004 film "Hotel Rwanda" is a biographical/historical film about a heroic figure, Paul Rosessabagina, hotel manager in Kigali (capital of Rwanda), played by Don Cheadle. Within his means, he saved the lives of more than one thousand people seeking refuge in the tourist hotel he managed during Rwanda's 1994 civil war.

Notice that I changed tense; changed "refugee" to "refuge"; used "heroic"; and deleted "whom" which was incorrect. I left the quotes around the film's title because you have to do *something*, but technically it should be italicized.

Answer 2

The 2004 film "Hotel Rwanda" is a biographical/historical film about a real hero-like figure "Paul Rosessabagina" (a hotel manager in Kigali the capital of Rwanda) played by "Don Cheadle", who within his means saves the lives of more than a thousand people seeking refugee in the tourist hotel that he manages during the 1994 Civil War.

see how that works out, it seemed okay on how long it was, but a few words couldve been rearranged or taken out.

Answer 3

The 2004 film “Hotel Rwanda” is a historical film about a real hero-like figure named Paul Rosessabagina (played by Don Cheadle). Rosessabagina was a hotel manager in Kigali (capital of Rwanda) whom within his means saved the lives over a thousand people seeking refuge in the tourist hotel during the 1994 civil war in Rwanda.

Answer 4

Try this: The 2004 film “Hotel Rwanda” is a biographical/historical film about a real hero-like figure “Paul Rosessabagina”. Mr. Rosessabagina is a hotel manager in Kigali (capital of Rwanda), played by “Don Cheadle”, whom within his means saves the lives of more than one thousand people seeking refugee in the tourist hotel he manages during the 1994 civil war in Rwanda.

Answer 5

Yes, it is too long. I would re-write it as follows:

The 2004 file "Hotel Rwanda" is a biographical and historical film about a real hero-like figure, Paul Rosessabagina. Rosessabagina was (or is) a hotel manager in Kigali, the Rwandan capital, and is played in the film by actor, Don Cheadle. Rosessabagina saved the lives of more than one thousand people seeking refuge in the tourist hotel he managed during the 1994 civil war in Rwanda.

Answer 6

Yes. Don't put quotes on people's names, no need for the dashes either. Try:

The 2004 film “Hotel Rwanda” is a historical film about a real hero-like figure named Paul Rosessabagina (played by Don Cheadle). Mr. Rosessabagina was a hotel manager in Kigali (capital of Rwanda) whom within his means saved the lives of more than one thousand people seeking refuge in the tourist hotel during the 1994 civil war in Rwanda.

Answer 7

"Hotel Rwanda" is a 2004 biographical and historical film about the real life hero, Paul Rosessabagina. Mr Rosessabagina, who was played by Don Cheadle, was the hotel manager in Kigali, the capital of Rwanda. He was portrayed as a saviour of people who seeked refuge at his tourist hotel during the 1994 civil war in Rwanda. Mr Rosessabagina was credited with saving the lives of over a thousand people.

** In the third sentence I eliminated "he managed" because it was redundant. If he was the hotel manager as stated in the second sentence then that is what he did, managed. **

Hope this helped.

Answer 8

Yes it is too long. You use "whom" when you should use "who." You also use dashes and quotation marks improperly.

I'd write:

The 2004 film “Hotel Rwanda" is a biographical/historical film about a real life hero. Don Cheadle plays Paul Rosessabagina, who was a hotel manager in Rwanda's capital city of Kigali. He saved the lives of more than one thousand people seeking refuge in the tourist hotel he managed during the 1994 civil war in Rwanda.

Answer 9

Would consider breaking it into two clauses
"The 2004 film – “Hotel Rwanda” – is a biographical/historical film about a real hero-like figure"
And then
"Paul Rosessabagina" – hotel manager in Kigali (capital of Rwanda), played by “Don Cheadle”, whom within his means saves the lives of more than one thousand people seeking refugee in the tourist hotel he manages during the 1994 civil war in Rwanda"
I would then suggest reworking these clauses into sentences
A rule of thumb is a target of 20 words & one subject per sentence. Hope this helps

Answer 10

Yes it is a defiite run-on sentence. Try dividing it up into more senteces likfe this:

The 2004 film – “Hotel Rwanda” – is a biographical/historical film about a real hero-like figure – "Paul Rosessabagina" played by “Don Cheadle”.

Paul Rosessabagina is the manager of a hotel in Kigali, Rwanda, who selflessly saves the lives of more than one thousand people seeking refuge during the 1994 civil war in Rwanda.