Why Dont I want to have sex?

Question

My husband and I have been together for 7 years, and married for almost 4 of the 7 years. We have two children together. A 3 year old son and a 10 month old daughter. I am 23 years old. I dont want to have sex ever. I dont even like to cuddle anymore. I really would rather not even be bothered by my husband. {ie: touched held or anything} I love my husband with all my heart. I am physicaly actracted to him as well. Our work scheduals are not the greatest. by the time he gets home at night i am ready to go to bed. Its not that I dont want to have sex because I do. I think about it all the time. I just dont want to have sex its more of a chore to me. It doesnt usually feel that great and I dont want to bother with even trying. I dont understand why I dont want to have sex. I usually am not in any way horney. I feel bad for my husband. When we do have sex I make him get off as quickly as possible so I can get on with what I was doing before we started. please help me understand why

well We both {my husband and I} have tryed things to spice it up. {ie: bringing people into our "bedroom" the whole reason we did bring someone into it was because my husband was the only person i had ever been with and we thought maybe that I wanted to try something different} and I think alot of that has bothered me he knows about it we have talked about it. I just wish that I could enjoy sex like everyone else. I really dont get sex its never really been that great. I have enjoyed it but not that often. I dont know where to find help or someone to talk to about this

I want to first thank everyone for your answers. and I want to add to this. I am in the process of seeing a doctor for my legs they are both like {kinda hard to explain unless i just say that they are sleeping} kinda like a pins and needles sensation. I have been woried about what the outcome may be. My father has Mulitpal Sclorsis he has for 24 years. the doctor has ruled out limes disease and diabites and a few other tests all came back negitave. she says that its possibe it can be MS or a sliped disk in my back and maybe a pinched nerve. I have been very nervous with this and maybe this is another reason i dont want to have sex. I want to add that my husband and I talk about everything and have tryed to fix this he doesnt push to have sex and he understands that i dont want to have sex he gets fustrated. I dont have any need to leave for 3 months like was suggested i dont think that will help at all also i know hr wont cheat because of our pasts

how can i relax and enjoy sex? what can i do?

I want to thank everyone again for your answers and your time for helping me I will take the answers and think about what we can do what i learned most of all is to talk to my husband more and maybe help him out a little with my hand or mouth It must be hard for him i understand that but thanks again for everthing and for everyones answers i really do aprechieat them all

Answer 1

So, you like sex and aren't exactly averse to the thought of sex. You like your husband and you are actually attracted to him. Yet, you don't want to engage in the act of sex. And if you have to, you find ways to get on with it as quickly as you can.

It is entirely possible that there's a medical explanation only a doctor can give you. Outside of that, I think it is to certain extent your perception of the "chore" that is putting you off. For instance, as soon as you find him touching you or cuddling with you, you make the connection of what follows and the time and energy it takes to go through the whole "routine".

One thing is "sex" has become very predictable for you. It isn't fun anymore. If you guys begin to realize that sex doesn't have to start exactly the same way and end the same way it always has, things will be a little more fun.

Would you still detest it if it involved him giving you a very relaxing full body rub-down one night, even a very satisfying masturbation an other night, some oral sex another and so on? A variety usually spices things up. And there's some level of unpredictability or surprise that you would want to add to your sex life.

Sex is an important element in a good marriage. Even if it takes a conscious effort on one's part to spruce things up a bit, we'll have to. Please don't ignore it or run away from it. Talk to him about how you honestly feel ~ maybe he has genuinely great ideas to spice things up. At the very least, he should understand and appreciate what you are experiencing and feeling about sex.

Answer 2

Once you get the situation with your legs worked out, that will relieve a load off your mind. Talk with your doctor & see what he/she says about it. It could be a hormone change, or it could be something in your head. Sometimes our mental state effects everything we do without realizing or knowing it. There could be something inside that has just clicked off your sex switch. It sounds corny, but it happens more often than people realize. My ex husband loves sex, but in the middle he deflates. Something in his head just clicks & the whole mood goes away. If your doctor cannot find anything wrong with you medically that could be an issue, then perhaps you should see a sex therapist. They may be able to help you understand why you don't like sex & help you to work on fixing it. Also, you mentioned bringing someone else into the bedroom. I'm sure that's also an issue for you, even though it was in the past. Things out of your normal have a tendency to weigh heavier on your mind & cause you to withdraw more. You might want to discuss this with the therapist as well. Get to the root of your problems in order to fix them & make things right again.

Answer 3

There could be a few things wrong....First of all, you just gave birth and sometimes a woman can have a hormonial imbalance, check with your doctor or it could just be life changes by having a second child....

When you had your first child it was okay, now you have to deal with your hubby, son and a newborn which can really wear you out...Things have changed in your life and you are exhausted now and sex is just something else to do.....

Try to take some "me" time and give yourself a break....Ask hubby to help you out more because it is a lot to do...I know, I have two kids just like you do but mine are much closer in age, they are 14 months....

Take some of that burden off of yourself and ask hubby to take the kids to the park for an hour or entertain them for an hour or two because you need some rest.....When this happens, you will be able to relax more and enjoy sex......

Sometimes we are so bombarded with things, we forget about each other in time....You can also start having a date night where the two of you can rekindle that old flame and have someone to watch the little ones for a day and you can relax all you want in the day and you and your hubby can just go to dinner and have a romantic evening.....

Answer 4

Looks like you lost interest in him. You courted for 3 years. Did you ever feel like this during those years? I suggest a simple solution. Leave him alone for some time may be three months. You go and stay with some of your relatives along with children. Let him be alone. Check out after 3 months. You should be OK after 3 months. If the same feeling persists you must see a doctor.

Answer 5

honestly it is a natural thing for some women to not want to be bothered with sex especially when you have 2 young children in the house. it hasn't even been a year after the birth of your 2nd and it could be that your hormones have not gone back to they way they used to be. also you may want to try spicing up your relationship with your husband or talk with him to explain what is going on with you because some men are not able to live with out sex in their lives. i have been married 3 years but together for 13 and we have had times where we were not intimate with each other for 6 months or better and we were ok with that by talking and understanding the tasks for the day and events that needed to be done we sacrificed our sex lives for our family and we made sure to discuss all of it. be sure that you both know that self satisfaction is ok too and sometimes necessity to get through cause everyone needs to release sometimes. good luck, i hope all works out for you and your family.

Answer 6

I can't believe i have found someone who has the EXACT problem as me. Except fot the MS thing, but I am familiar with MS my mother in law was diagnosed 2 years ago. I am 20 with 2 kids and a 25yr old hubby and also have completely lost "the drive". I will be checking back into this question to see what everyone has to say.

Answer 7

This is very difficult. I havent read all your answers, but it would seem to me more of a medical/physical thing. Was everything alright after the birth of your last baby? I hope the doctor can help sort you out.

In the meantime, if you love your husband then maybe you could just satisfy him with your hands or mouth rather than having full sex.

And keep communicating.

I hope it works out.

Answer 8

I think you should try and discover what will turn you on. maybe you need to play with yourself while having sex. A certain position that will get to that G spot or perhaps a fantasy that you can play in your mind. Take some time off and perhaps get a babysitter for your kids and drop them off there and just spend some quality time with your hubby. have you spoken to him about this? stress and kids and work can def. put a damper on the sex life. You are too young to be going through this. I am no sex expert but you need to find your inner sexual being and play it out with your hubby.

Answer 9

You've probably got a lot on your mind with your two kids, so they will drain you out, but being a mum doesn't mean you have got know time to have sex. Try Reading a Kama Sutra book or a hindi love book to try and get yourself in the MOOD.
If that doesn't work try talking to your husband about it.
Good luck

Answer 10

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