Is it right for my husband to...?

Question

My husband gives me what he calls "an allowance" every week for groceries, diapers, etc. Is it right of him not to give it to me if we were to go out of town that week and he used his money for the things we need while there? I mean, I can still keep it for futher use. I think hes being selfish. Hes even done it if I was sick or there was ice on the road and I didnt make it to the store until the end of the week. I can put it in the bank and use it later. I even started taking a Medical Billing course and he is against it. Says he wont pay for it. But with the money he gives me weekly, I think I can afford $50 a month for tuition. I am enjoying taking this course, and learning new things. I mean, when he hands that money over to me weekly, its no longer his right? I think its only fair, seeing I am a stay at home mom and dont have my own income. He claims he is rich, why is he being so selfish? Am I not entitled to it, being his wife and all? Whats his is mine and whats mine is his..?

No matter what I say to him about it, it does no good. We've been to a counselor and stuff and he just seems to be getting worse with thing like this. He co-owns a business with his dad so yes I can say we arent exactly poor. He wont even help me around the house. Says he does enough by paying the bills. He wont do anything for me that "I cant do myself". I do things for him, no matter how simple the task may be because well, I love him. Im really scared we aren't going to make it much longer. Both my children are under age 2 and I do my best to get what can done around the house and take care of them at the same time. We dont have to pay any bills at home, they get paid at his shop through that account. So I dont see why he acts this way when it comes to money...I dont feel like I exist sometimes. Like its all about him...Im scared for my kids, that mommy and daddy wont be together anymore. He doesnt even touch me anymore...

1 more thing...Im not even on the leasse for the house because my credit is poor and he was afraid we wouldnt get it. So in other words, he thinks the house is his, just because his name is on it...my heart is aching...

Answer 1

WOW sounds like an a.s.s. Tell him that your gonna make out a bill for doing the things you do around the house then will see who has the money. You have a full time job staying at home and deserve to be paid. I agree what's his is yours and vice versa!

Answer 2

Old story... as others have said he is being controling. I bet what it is is that it is his dad who is really controling the money and his entire life..... the reason the bills are paid through the shop as there is no other explaination. He is not rich at all otherwise he wouldn't have money issues about $50. Either way this way he deals with you is not normal no matter how you cut it. You are his wife, someone to be cherished and cared for. An equal partner and the woman who is raising his children. You want to help the family and do something for yourself by taking the classes. He should be proud and mature enough to realize that being stuck at home all day without some sort of outlet of your own is wearing. So he has no depth and appreciation of you. So since this will all eventually lead to a divorce you need to take a stand. Tell him that you have had enough. If that is not enough tell him you are leaving as we will see about the $50 when he has to pay child support. All Im saying is you need to shake things up a bit if you are going to save this. And bottom line....... this all qualifies as abuse.

Answer 3

i know where your coming from, Im a divorced woman. Tell your husband the next time you bbring up this issue that it will cost him alot more if you leave him, don't worry about the house, its just as much your home. Another peice of advice for everyone, when you go to the store, wallmart, home depot, ect...buy a gift card in any amount you feel you can get wawy with, keep them hidden so just incase you need to leave your marriage you will have a little something to help you buy those diapers. Also keep taking that class DONT back down, be a strong woman, your children will thank you for it the long run.....good luck

Answer 4

Sounds as though you are dependent on him and that is exactly where he wants you. He has you trapped and until you decide that you want to get out there isn't much you can say about it.

If you want your own money tell him there will be a new bill for daycare because you plan on going to work. If he doesn't want to pay daycare, wait until he gets home in the evenings and work at night. If that doesn't work find PT work maybe while your children are at school.

Sounds to me though, even if you try all these things he is going to try and stop you because he is controlling. If you do not want to live like that anymore then you have to decide for yourself and move on/out.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Ouch seems like your husband is a bit on the controlling side when it comes to money. What he is doing is not fair. Ask him if doesn't want to give this money freely if he would like to pay you for your services. Then right up a bill for cleaning, cooking, and caring, then subtract it by half. Subtracting it by half would give you your cost of the bills basically for saying that would be your use of the house, and utilities.
You are entitled to half all that is his. As he is entitled to half of all that is yours. If his behavior keeps up you can always take him for child support. Many women do this now a days when men control money the way your husband seem too. What I mean by that is women file for child support while still living with and still remain married to there husbands.
I would really sit him down and talk to him and explain how you feel to him and tell him marriage is a partnership and explain to him everything you do and how much it would call him. Get some people in to give you some free estimates on what it would cost to have your house cleaned (molly maids), look in your local news paper see what ppl cost to run errands like grocery shop. Check into the price of daycare. etc. make up a tally.

Good luck to you.

Answer 6

My wife and I are pretty much reverse of your situation. When we were engaged, we had a marriage councilor to help us prepare for marriage. He had us fill out a questionare. One of the True/False questions was, "The money the wife makes is hers to spend as she sees fit." My wife doesn't work and wasn't at the time we took the test, she put "false" saying that she should contribute to the family, I put "true," because all the money either of us make goes into the family budget, and I was raised that the woman controls the family check book. So really all the money goes to her. She got to checking the family budget a few months back and said that she didn't really think it was fair that I made 100% of the family money, but less than 5% was spent on things just for me, and 25% was spent on things just for her, and 70% on things for the family. Her solution was to start earning a little bit of money through a home based business opertunity. So far, she's still down money, hasn't earned anything. But the spending percentages haven't changed. I don't mind, but it seems to really bother her. I figure the time she spends taking care of our son has to count for something, and she's better at handling money than I am.

But I guess every couple is different and we all need to work to our strengths.

Answer 7

he should ALWAYS give you money you have a child to look after...your child has needs...also it's not up to him to stop you from doing a course...he may be your husband but he does not own you....try getting a little part time job somewhere and pay the tuition fees yourself if he is against paying for it....it will make you feel better instead of him grudgingly denying your freedom to do what you like....so if i were you go looking for a part time job, a few hours a week and ask a family member to take care of your child just so you can do this course...

Answer 8

Okay let's see exactly what you do...I think some titles that fit a general description of your daily routines would be you're the family CEO, the day care provider, accountant, chauffeur, counselor, chef, nurse, laundress, entertainer, personal stylist and educator.

Now based on Salary.com, the average salary of these titles, based on a 100-hour workweek, it would be estimated that a fair wage for the typical stay-at-home mom would be $131,471 annually: base pay for a 40-hour workweek would be $43,461 and an additional $88,009 a year for 60 hours of overtime each week...

Answer 9

whoa,, he sounds like a control freak!!

Did you agree to this???
Was this discussed BEFORE you were married????

I could NOT live like that! I think you should be entitled to whatever money you need to run a household, groceries, diapers whatever you need, whenever you need it! (within reason- example, you don't really "need" to have your nails done if money is tight)

Did you so something to make him not trust you? or is he just tight with 'his' money?

That makes me crazy, ----"his" money!!

You work hard as a stay at home mom, and you deserve to have access to money, As a woman, believe me, it is very important to have some of your own money, stashed away somewhere for a rainy day, or for emergencies,

He should absolutely pay for your education, what would happen if he was hurt and couldn't work anymore??? you need to have something to fall back on in case you need to start working full time.

HEY, it happens. remind him of that!

Answer 10

sorry to say but he is a control freak. he does not want you to go to school because then you will be able to go and earn your own money, then he wont have as much control over you.and a good man regardless if they are the ones paying the bills or not will help out around the house.I'm afraid that your right your marriage is not going to last,unless you decide that you will not do any thing for your self. as long as you allow him to control everything,and that's the way he likes it then your marriage could last for ever.

Answer 11

Honey< time to wake up. Don't want to sound rude, but I've been where you are, at least emotionally. Nobody has a right to control a spouse. You are not a child. He shouldn't be giving you allowance, You are married, you share the bad, he is using your body and you can't use "his" money? In a well ballanced relationship there shouldn't even be a question of "his" money and yours. I'm not working for last three years and my husband would never tell me that I'm his dependant... He makes living now, but it's our money together. Talk to your husband. see how and what you san change, but do it now...