If you are going to criticize me for my question...Dont answer!?

Question

I need help! I know I made a mistake. When my baby arrived from the hospital, the first week was sooo rough, no sleep, and mood swings and lazyness. It seemed so much easier to get my daughter to sleep and to sleep longer when I held her in the bed with me. We fell asleep. After the first time... I thought...geez this is sooo much easier. She slept almost the whole night, waking up maybe once or twice to eat and get her diaper changed. Now I think she is used to sleeping with me...not neccessarily the bed, cause I could be on the couch or on the floor, it doesnt matter, just me! I will lay her down in her crib to sleep and she wakes up and cries untill I get her. I know because of sids and the risks involved with sleeping with me, that I messed up real bad. I cant get her to sleep in her cri though. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

Vanessa, it's ok. The only reason to change the sleeping pattern is if you are not happy with it. Co-sleeping with your baby is normal & natural, however if you are feeling resentment & don't like it, then you do need to make a change.
I included links discussing the latest research on SIDS (to ease your mind) and some other links to help you find a strategy to make the transition if that is what you want to do.
Every baby is different so you may have to try a few different strategies (or a combination) until you find what works for you.
Good luck & Congrats!!

Answer 2

There are these little foamy bed things you can buy to put in the bed with you that will keep her safer in your bed. Personally I am not against a baby sleeping in a parents bed but at the same time it is probably better that she is safe. You can try one of these foamy bed things that go into your bed and they have rims around the sides so she cant fall out and it makes it less likely you will roll onto her. ALso try a bassinet by the bed where you can put your hand on her until she falls asleep or fall esleep that way or that you can rock a bit when she fusses. My baby would not sleep in her crib at all either when we first brang her home so she slept in her carseat by the bed and I would rock that and soothe her until she fell esleep there, then when she hit about a month and a half she would sleep in her crib with minimal fuss. To get her to sleep in her crib we had to play the mobile (it has a remote! and turns of in fifteen minutes) plus wrap her up really warm and give her a soother and sleep in the same room as her. Make her crib more cozy and less large looking for her. That helps. Also you can put her to sleep in her crib when she is almost dozed off so she gets used to sleeping in there. My baby also slept in her swing by our bed at times when she had a really hard time falling esleep.I would under no circumstances let your baby howl itself to sleep..that just seems cruel.

Answer 3

First off there is no problems with your baby getting used to sleeping in the bed with you until around the age of 6 months! My daughter was always placed in her bassinet to sleep but we have to put her on the bed until she is out cold and then tranfer her! I feel that now she is kind of waking up during the night due to lack of sleep and not having a good sleep with my fiance snoring, dog making noise and me tossing and turning..Seeing as though we have to put her on our bed to make her sleep while giving her a bottle or sucky I am going to try to lay her in her crib and feed her until shes out! I dont really recommend moving the crib into your room until you try to put her in her own room..This way all of you will get a better sleep and she wont think its ok to never sleep in a separate room. I would try a routine with a bath, reading a book, singing a lullaby and than laying her down and giving her some milk or breastfeeding her (in this case maybe pump for this feed)..Put her rail down and make it look like you are sleeping with her...She'll enjoy having you close and be relaxed with the new routine. Its worked for people I know and hopefully it will work for me and you! The other thing you can do if this doesnt work is wait until shes a little bit older (6-7 months) this way she'll be more aware of whats going on...and tell her "na nights" she might cry the first few nights but she'll be ok unless shes full out crying so that she is screaming...Good luck!

Answer 4

You didn't make a mistake. We had our daughter sleep with us until she was 2. There is nothing wrong with and it does not increase risk of SIDS if you follow safe co-sleeping guidelines:

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070600.asp

I think it's great to meet your child's needs to be close to you and still be able to get some sleep.

A baby can still die of SIDS sleeping in a parent's bed but it's much less likely than in a crib. That's where people get confused. SIDS is dying for no apparent reason. What people worry about in a parent's bed is not SIDS but suffocation, which doesn't happen if you follow safety guidelines (which does, however, include not sleeping with your baby on a couch).

Just enjoy having her close. You didn't do anything wrong and anyone who tells you you did has been reading too many parenting books by so-called "experts" who think they know more than you do about your child. You are your child's mom and you need to do what works for you and your baby. Contrary to popular belief, co-sleeping kids grow out of needing their parents closeby at night. It is a need and as they say, a need met goes away. An need unmet remanifests itself later in a different form. My daughter transitioned easily to her own bed when SHE was ready. Co-sleeping kids are happier. They wake up with mom and/or dad right there. That's a much better way to wake up than having to cry for them.

Don't let anyone tell you you did something wrong- you did a good thing, and it's the way most parents around the world do it now. Incidentally, countries with the highest rate of co-sleeping have the lowest rate of SIDS.

Answer 5

She smells you. My daughter is the same way. My husband has now moved onto the couch and she sleeps in bed with me. Which is fine by him because he loves his couch. What I've been doing is gradually putting her in her bassinet more and more. Naps, when we first go to bed I'll have my hubby hold her and get her to fall asleep and then put her in her bassinet and she slept for 4 1/2 hours in it the other night. A lot of people and doctors will tell you there is nothing wrong with cosleeping. It is such a boning experience. I don't care what people say, she can sleep with me if she wants. She spends some time in her own crib and thats all that matters.

When she gets a little older and they recommend allowing them to cry out you might have to put her in her crib and let her cry.

Answer 6

LOL I have a newborn. Hes 5 weeks. He hates his bassenett. He sleeps in the bed with us. It is much easy as you said to have the child sleep with you so you and the baby can get some sleep. Its so hard when you first bring the baby home and alls you want to do is sleep and enjoy your baby at the same time. I do not criticize for what you have done. You didnt say how old the baby was but, at 3 months "they" say that is when babys will pick up habits. If she is at that age you should really try to make her sleep alone (if you dont want this to continue for a long time) If shes less than 3 months old try to put her to nap durring the day in her crib or whatever. If she wakes up than keep putting her back in there. Least its durring the day when your not trying to sleep. Good luck to you, I have a feeling its only going to get harder for me aswell!

Answer 7

DOn't let anyone criticize you. Even the experts can't agree on this one.

Basically our culture frowns upon it, but other cultures find it to be natural for young babies to sleep in the family bed.

I'd only caution about "adult activity" as the child grows.

My daughter was born with a heart condition. She slept with me until she was four ...otherwise I could not sleep. Both her pediatrician and cardiologist felt this was fine.

It's your comfort level. Not the world's.

My daughter is older now, and sleeps on her own. Her heart issue is no longer, well an issue as I've become accustomed to it.

Sometimes it's the only way mom can get sleep.

They're are some good books and good advice on the web too if you need to find out how to wean your child out of the family bed. Look up Cathryn Tobin, she's got some good books out.

Best of luck

Answer 8

It's not going to be easy. This is something that you just have to do and deal with it. Pick a good week where you're not as busy or don't have as much going on and when it's time to go to bed, just lay her in her crib. She's going to cry! That's OK. Let her, check in on her every so often to assure her, but don't pick her up and stay around for a while. Leave, shut the door and check back again. She will eventually go to sleep and after a few nights of this it will become clear to her that when she is laid down it is time to sleep. She may always cry a little while, but it will be much shorter and easier this also makes it easier for when they get older. Best of Luck! Don't feel bad about it, we've all gone to sleep with our little ones.

Answer 9

If you have a crib, take the sheet and sleep with it for a few days so it picks up your smell. Use that on the mattress in the crib so it comforts her. Make sure the room is comfortable but not too hot or cold. Please don't leave her with a bottle in her mouth. You could read or sing to her, but then leave.

What you are establishing is that when she is put into the crib, she knows it's time to sleep. She probably will cry but if you tough it out and don't go into her she will get over it much more quickly.

Answer 10

Been there... done that!
When my son was born he wasn't very well and we needed to be able to watch over him quite closely for the first few months - so of course we had him in the same room and often it was easier to have him in bed so he would fall asleep and we all got some rest.

Please don't blame yourself... it absolutely does not make you a "bad parent"!

Unfortunately the "cure" for the dependency your baby has developed towards sleeping with you might make you feel like a bad parent... but you are not.

We tried all the "gentle" and "gradual" methods like letting him nearly fall asleep and then sneaking him into his own bed but these all failed - by all means try them... if they work for you then great!

In the end the only thing we could do was put him in his bed and grit our teeth as he howled for a couple of hours. We set his bed up so we could see him but he couldn't see us - that way we could check that he was OK without him knowing he was getting what he wanted... our attention.

This went on for just two nights... and then he went straight to sleep and slept until feed time and went straight back to sleep afterwards.

You will feel like the most evil person on the planet listening to your baby crying and not comforting her but it is for your own good and the baby's. As long as baby is OK (apart from the howling!) then you are not harming your child. The "cruel to be kind method" is sometimes the only way.

The reason we resorted to this method is because we found that a neighbour's grandchild would not sleep the whole night until he was 14 (yes 14... it must've been hell!) and their doctor said it was because they always gave in to his cries when he was younger... and we were determined not to end up like that!