How does a guy who walked out on his marriage mend the relationship with his children?

Question

Any advice from fathers and children?

Answer 1

Keep in contact, no matter what. Even if you call and they don't want to talk to you, just keep telling them you love them. Eventually, they will come around. Just let them know you will always be there for them. It will take some time though. But don't give up.
Divorce is hard on everyone involved, but especially children. They can not possibly understand why you left. They think because you left their mom, that you left them too (in a way you did when you moved out of the house), and that you don't really love them anymore. It's hard for them to separate themselves from the conflict that ended the marriage, especially if they are young. Older kids are angry that you didn't stay in the home for them. All you can do is keep reinforcing the fact that just because you don't live with them, you still want to be a part of their lives and love them deeply.

Good Luck

Answer 2

Being the youngest child of two long seperated partners, the relationship is the most important thing. But, you can't have a good relationship with your kids unless you have the same with their Mother/Father. The couple has to have a friendly relationship, and you cannot say bed things about the other person behind their back, to their face or around your children. That won't help either relationship at all. Neither side should speak negatively about the other parent. (This is a huge one. Trust me, my parent's speak horribly about eachother all of the time. I've stopped visiting my father because of it.)

Also, it depends on how old the children are. If they're small children, they probably won't understand very well for awhile. If they're teenagers, or pre-teens, they'll understand a little more easily. It'll hurt them more than it hurts you, the seperation, but it can teach them a valuable lesson about life.

Set up a schedule for seeing them, or their mother seeing them, and stick to it! I cannot stress that enough; You have to stick to it, every week, every month, every day, however often you see them. Do not flake on them! If you pick them up from school, ensure that you're on time! If you take them to school, make sure that the other parent is picking them up! If you only see them on the weekends, make sure that you do, unless it is life-threatening, you can pass on whatever else is in your schedule. Teach them reliability, teach them to keep promises once they make them. Your example is vital.

There will still be problems, of course, and I've just skimmed the surface here, but you can have a good relationship with your kids. Just don't mistreat them. If they ask you to explain why you left, do just that. Even if they don't understand immediately, at least they'll know. Don't lie to them. They deserve to know the truth, not the explicit parts (if it involved sex, cheating, drugs, etc.), but enough to give them the general picture.

Answer 3

I was a child whose father walked out. The mistakes he made? He made us take on the responsibility of our mother's emotional care. He didn't pay maintenance regularly which added to a stressful relationship. He could have, and should have, made an effort to build a relationship with his children. There was so much guilt and bad feeling, he was really awkward, and so were we.
As a wife whose husband walked out, let me tell you a few things that would have made my children's life easier. Phone them, at least once a week. Talk to them, ask questions about their lives. Show an interest and be genuine about them. Do you know the names of your children's best friend? Do you know their favourite food? Their favourite colour? Do you know what they want to do when they grow up?
Do all you can to make your children's life easier. Build some sort of cordial relationship with their mother. Turn up when you say you will, babysit often, go and watch the plays, etc etc.
A divorce is between adults but every child on this earth needs a father. Be one.

Answer 4

That's going to take time, because you've not only hurt them, you've hurt their mum,who they now rely on for love and support.

If they are young children, do go to Court and gain access,make sure you support your children regularly.Write to them, send birthday,christmas and congratulation cards when needed, it means so much to them to know you still care even though you are not there.

If you make arrangements to see your children,DON'T let them down.

However, if your children are older,then write to them, you can always put more in a letter than you can say. Explain to them the reasons why you decided to leave their mother, and how hard it was for you to leave them.

Tell them that you were very unhappy living a lie, and that although you still loved them, you had no choice but to leave, as your relationship with their mother had broken down and you no longer loved her.

Say you are very sorry for hurting them, and that you still love them very much and want them in your life.

Keep in regular contact with them, and maybe in time they will understand that you did the best thing for you and their mum by leaving, because at the end of the day neither of you were really happy.

No children want their parents to split up, because their loyalties are split in two.
You will be the bad guy for leaving at first, but time is a great healer.

Just be a good dad even though it may be from afar for a while, and I'm sure you will keep the love of your children in the long run.

Good luck anyway, and regardless of how involved you get either now, or in the future in another relationsdhip ,( even if you have more children), don't forget the one's you already have and always be their for them as well.

Answer 5

Take it slow. Start by writting letters....hand written and sent in the mail. Send pictures and lots of apologies. It will take a long time and it may take asking your ex-wife for forgiveness as well.

I would not try to make verbal contact until you have recieved a few return letters. Once some sort of dialogue is formed you can ask if you may call, but put the ball in your childrens court and let them know you understand why they would probably say 'no' to the request.

Good luck, and be a good father!

Answer 6

You broke a trust with your children. They are not going to trust or forgive you overnight and may very well challenge your motives for returning.

If you are sincere in getting back into their lives, be honest with them and this time hang in there. It would also be helpful to try to have a civil relationship with your ex-wife as she can help mend and build a relationship with your children.

One last thing, presents and gifts have much less value than your time, love and devotion to your children. Be their father, not their buddy.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Very Slowly. Children never forget and they seldom forgive. If they saw you hurt their Mum or they have seen how hurt she is by your actions then you have a lot of work to do. Don't ever stop trying because what you choose to do now will affect them and their own relationships for the rest of their lives. If you can manage to talk to their Mother maybe you can work together in seeing that their lives carry on pretty much as it always as. They will always need you in their lives so show them how much you still care about thier mum and that youi are still friends.

Answer 8

Have you sat down and talk with your children explaining why you walked out, being completely honest with them what ever age they are. Make sure you tell them they are the most impotent people in your life and you will always love them and be there for them.If you can't speak to them write a letter, Never speak badly about their mother in front of them, try to keep on friendly terms with her for their sake. You don't say how old they are. You may have to go on a rough ride for a while but whatever happens never give up trying.I hope it works out for you Good luck.

Answer 9

Man you have to do alot to win your children's trust back. Thats a very big thing especially when you scarred them for life by just walking out on your family. Your children is part of that family too not just your wife. Good luck.

Answer 10

Spend time with your kids regularly, call them often, make them a priority in your life, be there for them....RESPECT THEIR MOTHER. Even though things didn't work out in you relationship, you still have to show that you care and respect their mother becaue their mother is the most influential and contstant person in their life. They will have a lot more respect for you if you treat their mother with respect. You can still be "a family" and not live together. You and your ex have to try to work things out where maybe you guys can still get together every now-and-then and do things together with the kids. Just try to make things as simple as possible for the children....put them FIRST!