Is my wife going to take me back?

Question

I left my wife of 12 years oand kids 5 months ago. Neither my wife or I are very good at showing emotion or affection towards each other. I left in an attempt to get her to reach out to me and say she loved me and wanted me back. She did in her own ways and I was not in tune with her needs and ways in which she expresses them. About 3 weeks ago she told me that she was filing for divorce. This has devistated me. I never wanted things to get to that. The first week I responded inappropriately by arguing and lashing out at everything we were discussed as far as splitting the bills and things. I've done a lot of soul searching and learning about myself since then and I now know that I was not listening and meeting my wifes needs.I know what I have to do now and want so badly to provide these things for her without expecting anything in return. I have told her how I feel.She has told me she loves me but is not in love with me and needs time to figure out what she wants for herself?

Answer 1

Maybe she needs some "soul searching" time herself just as you did. It is possible for people to fall "out of love" with eachother after 12 years...ESPECIALLY if it wasn't a very affectionate relationship to begin with. You need the affection to keep things alive in a marriage. If the 2 of you are able to recognize what was missing in the relationship and love eachother enough to try to fill that void, then it will be just as easy to fall "back in love" with eachother. It may even be a lot BETTER the second time around! More fulfilling for both of you.
Talk to her and maybe suggest that for the sake of the 12 yrs you've had together and for the children... BEFORE putting wheels in motion that would be 1)very difficult to stop (divorce) and 2)very painful...that maybe try some counseling/couples therapy as well as having some REAL one on one time with eachother to talk to eachother JUST about the 2 of you. Set a certain day a week as "Date night"...get a sitter...and whether you have a nice dinner at home (TV OFF!!) or out, just take a moment to yourselves to do some soul searching together over a nice glass of wine. Make sure you "talk" - not "argue" or pick at what the other has done wrong in the marriage. Communication is a key factor in making any relationship work...sounds like you 2 have become "distanced" from one another and just need to open that door.

Answer 2

If you genuinely intend to change, write her a very loving letter, and tell her what you wrote here, being careful to avoid anything that might be explosive for her. Get someone reliable to help you with it. Tell her you're willing to get therapy, and if she would give you a certain amount of time before following through with the divorce (give yourselves a deadline so she is less inclined to think you are just dragging things on indefinitely). Get a good counselor (don't stop looking until you really feel safe with the counselor) and deal with your issues. You're going to have to face more things about yourself that you don't want to, but just know it's something everyone needs to do. You're also going to have to make it your first priority to implement genuine practical changes quickly and consistently if there is any hope in winning her back.

Answer 3

well seeign that u did not cheat on her,d the divorce papers can only be filed if u signed them, thus meaning you can stall the divorce, unless u showed physical abuse to your wife and children etc, lets assume that u didnt do any of that (well lets hope not)
anyway the point i am making is that u have the power to take as long as u want, obviously u wont be able to get her back over night, but u will have plenty of time to interact, (picking up the kids etc) you have to win her back with every chance u have, also u have to talk about what went wrong in the marrage to begin with, thus discuss what happened and prevent it, u need to heal for a good recovery, if ya understand what i mean
u will have to try and win her back, start fresh, try and not repeat old habbits,
show her ur still the guy she loved 12 years ago
prove to her ur the guy for her
good luck
god bless

Answer 4

If you are sincerely loving her, and show her respect and she still has feelings for you, I suggest you go in relation therapy with her. Or in family therapy with the children. And learn again to se eachother back as individuals that have things to share, not the past troubles only, but plans for the presence and the future. Maybe your wife is into that idea,and if not bringing back the two of you together as a couple, it always will help you for developping yourself and understanding yourself and your part in life better. I hope everything works out well.

Answer 5

I don't know if she will or not. I do know that if she is saying that she needs time to figure out what she wants for herself, then she is most likely thinking about it. Keep showing her that you mean what you say but also give her the space she needs. I don't think that leaving was a good idea though. There are many other ways to rekindle a relationship.

Answer 6

i'm sorry you're in this difficulty. yet, I kinda get the position your spouse is coming from. It sounds like you're being slightly of a wimp. My address it truly is that ladies human beings like it at the same time as a guy "takes administration." (interior bounds, for sure) do not ask in case you may hug. guy up. do purely it. in case you hug her and he or she rejects you, then that is something for the marriage counselor to parent out. sounds like there is passive aggressive habit on both parts. it is the worst form, i imagine, because you won't be able to bypass ahead in existence if you're apprehensive about holding your self. attempt no longer to be so wrapped up in her reaction to you - keep your concentration on your self. it is the purely element you may administration. reliable luck.

Answer 7

it sounds to me that u both need to go to counseling...if you both love each other maybe it's possible for a reconciliation...if not...then you just have to try and remain friends, for the sake of the children involved! I was married for 16yrs and 2 lovely children came from that marriage, we have been separated for 2yrs now..and although we get on better than ever...we wont be getting back together. I wish you luck with your situation x

Answer 8

You fell victim to the fallacy. You cannot stay together by leaving.
Sure absence makes the heart grow fonder but that would be for someone who wants you back.
It sounds like you had better throw yourself to her mercy and beg for forgivness if you are to have any chance of getting back there.

Answer 9

you need to sit her down an talk as freely to her as you just did in this. tell her the things you feel ..just as you have done in this question. tell her you don't want it to go into divorce an you do want to work things out. the longer you take doing this....the quicker things are rolling on the other side of it all. if it helps...put your feelings into writing for her.

Answer 10

I doubt if she will. If she has told you that she loves you, but is not in love with you, that is not a good sign. Back off and give her some time and see what happens. Good Luck.