I have a friend who is giving an expensive gift (s) to my children for chirstmas. She has done this before - in years past. She pushes herself to pay for gifts and purchases with money she does not have - but because her parents showed love to her by 'giving' her things (her parents where abusive) she seems to follow the same pattern. I've known her for over 20 years and she is 'friends' with my children 16 ande 11. She has no children of her own - so she says this is 'just her'. However, I find she uses gifts to manipulate others and to gain love - when she does not have to. I am also uncomfortable with the way she speaks to my 16 year old as if he is a peer and she acts - at times - with the maturity of a 17 year old boy.
Her relationship with my children is undermining my relationship with them as well as their step dads. She puts us down and does not listen to us when we set CLEAR boundries about the children. Has anyone had to deal with this in thier life?
What to do?
2006-12-03 23:29:37 · 5 answers · asked by Notanothernickname 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Try talking to her. You've been friends for so long, she should understand. Besides that you should also tell your kids to stop accepting the expensive presents that she's been giving them. Explain to them why they shouldn't accept the gifts as well, being 16 and 11 they should be mature enough to understand, especially when your friend is using money which she does not have to purchase those gifts. Be understanding and supportive towards her since she had abusive parents and was probably brought up with the thinking that she has to use gifts to gain favor of others. I guess she's been through a tough childhood. Be sure to let her know of your worries and concerns of what she's been doing.
All the best.
2006-12-03 23:56:55 · answer #1 · answered by momo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is very complicated case but for getting solution why dont you consult with a consultant.
They are professionals and have experince of handelling such cases.
They only will be able to guide you as your relation with your friend can become sour if you take a wrong step.
2006-12-03 23:40:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if she is really a true friend then you should be able to talk to her about this.tell her that the way she speak to your children is unacceptable and that you would like it to stop.the thing is you have allowed this to go on for so long that she has now become comfortable doing so.this is something you should have put an end to a long time ago. its going to hard for her to break the habits.
2006-12-03 23:40:04 · answer #3 · answered by here to help 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is she single or married, do you have a exact dating along with her as a pair? it form of feels very unusual that your husband offered the present on your buddy, if it grow to be my maximum suitable buddy, i may well be procuring the present. You do regrettably would desire to be careful approximately letting maximum suitable acquaintances geting too close to on your husband, as you're no longer sharing him. i might only say shop your distance somewhat any extra till ultimately you realize what the story is around this.
2016-10-13 23:34:42 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to find the good in her. She sounds as if she has good intentions. My brother is the most upstanding citizen, yet forgets I even exist, despite my intentions of trying to stay in touch.
2006-12-03 23:42:47 · answer #5 · answered by autumn leaf 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋