I love my husband so so much and could never imagine being with another person and I know he loves me very much. However, things are good with us, until we argue, and when we do argue, he gets really angry and then trys to make up with me and I dont want to make up with him coz I'm still heaps angry with him, so he gets even more angry and usually breaks something. He says its my fault because he tried to make up with me and I wouldnt.
Maybe I should make up with him but I just cant when he wants coz inside im fuming. Is it my fault?
2006-12-03 22:07:20 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Geee willlikas!!! Funny how eeasily you accept the idea that his violent actions might be your fault....... HELLLOOOOO!!!
Is he responsible for your actions???? I bet he would not even consider taking the blame for the things you do.... so why in heck should you even consider taking the blame for his temper...!!!
It is fair and reasonable that one human being will be a bit slower than the other to cool off after an argument... He should grow up, realise that it takes you a bit longer to want to make up and just bide his time....
Throwing a tantrum because you wont makeup after an argument when and how he wants you too is a neat way of controlling you and attempting to make you responsible for his actions......
And..... if he indeed was ready to make up..... then why does he have these violent outbursts...???? violence does not stem from a desire to make up... it stems from a need to control and manipulate...
2006-12-04 05:54:15 · answer #1 · answered by wollemi_pine_writer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go have dinner at a restaurant and have an adult conversation about this. Do this when neither of you is angry at the other. You need to tell him that just because you get mad at him doesn't mean you don't love him. You also need to tell him that breaking things is not appropriate. You both need to make some ground rules about arguments and fighting. It is OK to take a time out for however long you need. Agree to take timeouts. Then he can apologize if he wants after you have cooled off.
2006-12-04 07:28:08 · answer #2 · answered by Jack P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes.i think there is some fault from ur side but not entirely.as he doesn't like argument,u can keep silent so that the situation won't turn violent the next minute and he won't break anything.if u could not help stopping the argument and when he tries to make up with u,u should not be even angry with him cuz he loves u so much and doesn't want u to be angry with him.so its my suggestion not to raise unnecessary arguments and if the arg. can't be stopped,better one of u must keep silent so that there won't be any violent situations.remember one who says there is absolutely no fault with u is not ur true frnd.one who criticizes and tries to correct faults is a good frnd.(think i'm ur frnd now).
2006-12-04 06:32:43 · answer #3 · answered by satya 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello Mandy ,we being couple it's normal to have a small fight coz u care . When he tries to make up with there is your turn i know we ladies has pride and we want to get comforted by that time he wanted to make up with u , be cool and discuss with believe me he will listen , that what love is and u know why it's fuming coz u have a pride and u wanna get clear ur mind try my advice coz i do that way too and look in his eyes.
2006-12-04 06:23:48 · answer #4 · answered by eternity 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it is not your fault. It is his for having a short temper. People who are like that always try to make it seem like it is your fault. It is not your fault that you are mad. It is a naturall human feeling. It is truly his fault for letting his temper get the best of him, which he should not do. I saw this with my own parents and it eventually turned into my dad abusing my mother. It is never your fault and is always his fault no matter what. And I say this being a guy who used to have a bad temper. I got anger management classes though.
2006-12-04 06:14:27 · answer #5 · answered by crashedata 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
HI - NOT your fault . . .
I'm a lot like you and will stay mad after an argument. My partner quickly gets over the fight and it's just in her nature to do so. Just like it's in our nature to brew for a while. If he's breaking stuff, that is another issue altogether. He needs anger management.
On the other hand, his ability to "give up" on the arguments early has merit.
Find common ground RULES for fighting you both can agree and commit to. Put them in writing too.
2006-12-04 06:21:08 · answer #6 · answered by SMichael 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long after the fight is he trying to make up with you? If it is a short time you could try to talk to him when you are not fighting and explain that it just takes you longer to cool down after a fight and you would want to make up only after a little longer. If it is a long time after a fight you may need to work on getting over your anger a little quicker. Marriage is seldom a 50/50 deal and you may have to give in a little more than he does but you have to ask yourself if he is worth it and making up sure is fun.
2006-12-04 06:20:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No its not your fault! and whether you want to come to terms with it or not it could be a serious problem. I know the feeling and I have been in really similar situations with my boyfriend. It's like you can't even talk to him sometimes...he is an amazing person and so kind, but has quite the temper. I would try having a serious converstaion with him about the behavior and tell him how it makes you feel...good luck if you need someone to talk to about it..feel free to email me.
2006-12-04 06:11:46 · answer #8 · answered by thereis 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever been around a spoiled 2 yr old? Your husband is in control when he does his little temper tantrum. The fault lies with who ever is not in control of themselves. It's best to walk away from a yelling match than to fuel it. Each one of you needs a cooling off period....When you both can communicate like adults and sit down and talk with each other rationally that is when you should settle your disagreements.
2006-12-04 06:20:14 · answer #9 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women by nature just stay mad longer. If you are aware of the fact that you are going to still be mad when he appologizes(first from what you said, and is itself unhealthy to let him always be the one who appologizes first) Just because your still angry, you could still go through the motions, and then when you have calmed down, you apologize to him. If you ever calm down. Anger management classes might be able to help you.
2006-12-04 06:26:37 · answer #10 · answered by ckgene 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋