It started when I was young. My uncle molested me when I was little. Then
I got married when I was 18yrs old and he was very abusive. He would beat on me then want me to have sex with him.
I got a divorce when I was 20.
I dated for a little while after that. I have been with two other men and enjoyed it.
But I haven't dated or had sex in about 10 years and my whole family say I am gay. I am happy the way I am and don't want to be in a relationship but that doesn't mean I'm gay, Right?
I have questioned myself because I hear it all the time and I have to defend myself too. When I watch porn - The only thing that turns me on is when it is a man and woman. Not saying anything bad but I just don't like to watch two women together. I don't have nothing against people who are gay.
Not to say I haven't over the years thought about trying it but it was just like a quick thought, gross, never mind.
So is my family right or should I tell them to shove it and leave me alone?
2006-12-03 20:40:02 · 18 answers · asked by Stephie 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I'm so sorry that you had to experience a lot of sexual abuse from people you love, it's already painful to be abused by strangers, how much more by people you love and trust?
I hope I'm not assuming too much but I think you are just in a trauma. You can't expect your emotions to conform itself to society when it dictates that you ought to have sex with guys to be "normal". You should look back at your past and see the roots of why you don't want to have sex anymore. There is just too much abuse and ugliness associated with your sex life that you no longer think of it as pleasurable, loving and wonderful.
Give yourself time to heal, you don't need a person to enter into a relationship with you to do this, you and time can heal your wounds. And don't discount Divine help, nobody knows you better than your creator.
You can listen to what your family says but don't just blindly take their advice. This is your life, and you only live it once. Live it in a way that you'll have peace inside.
And remember, sex is not everything. It's just the icing on the cake.
2006-12-03 23:19:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell them to shove off and stay out of your personal life!
They have been there far to long and you really don't need or want their opinions!
You know who you are and what you want, not them nor does anyone else know either only you.
Being molested does not make you gay, it makes you a victim of molestation, its OK for you to be without a partner male or female and it is not their business. I have never heard of a family that was so controlling and involved in a members sex life.
You don't need to be having sex with anyone nor do they need to be pushing you to. No wonder you have had problems with a family like that I am surprised you are sexual at all!
They are as abusive as your abusers have been. Sexual abuse is not an easy thing to get around or through, it takes years of therapy sometimes, and your family has not been supportive they have been just as abusive as your ex. They are beating you up all the time over sex! Whats up with them? You have a very sick and abusive family and why is this so important to them? Why are they concerned with who and how much sex you are having. That's pretty sick and from your own family.....the ones you are supposed to be safe with!
Shove off to them and leave you the Hell Alone!
Then you will probably be just fine with time and caring for yourself and your issues!
2006-12-04 07:30:32 · answer #2 · answered by Crampy Grampy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, if you are asking if you are gay then isn't it a possiblity in your mind? There is nothing wrong with being gay, and there is nothing wrong with being straight and not having had sex for 10 years. Like others have said already there is no reason to say you are gay because of the abuse you have suffered. And I also can say that most people don't "turn" gay from things like that. Tendencies usually are there from at least the teenage years on. I can tell you that I am in a lesbian relationship and seeing a male and female sex scene tends to turn me on more than a female on female sex scene. There could be a lot of reasons for that, and they don't all mean you are straight. Just food for thought, we are more accustomed to seeing straight porn/sex scenes so it is more likely that will be what turns us on. If you are gay or straight is for you to decide. I can't tell you and your family can try but you're the best resource on this one. Don't be afraid to listen to your heart.
2006-12-04 05:18:40 · answer #3 · answered by L. M 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would say absolutely not not having sex does not mean you are gay. Your family are being highly insensitive you should probably tell them that it is upsetting you and you'd like them to stop.
Look I am no psycologist but I would say your past experiences may be an influence here. In any case you appear to be happy with yourself and level headed so I wouldnt worry to much.
Maybe your just waiting for someone special to come along.
2006-12-04 04:54:26 · answer #4 · answered by Bohdisatva 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You do know what the word gay means, right?
Surely, you don't need someone to tell you what your sexual orientation is, do you?
It is okay to be alone. There is nothing wrong with being alone at all. If that is the way you want to be, for now or forever, then there is nothing to be ashamed of.
2006-12-04 05:45:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Gay because you were molested then beat and now you dont want to have sex with a man. Your family is full of sh*t. What you have is called post traumatic stress ... and your family is wrong for thinking anything else.
2006-12-04 05:03:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Princess
Tell them to take there words and shove it because you can't stand them anymore...
Your not G A Y just because they are miserable don't let them make you miserable...
Live your life free and if one day you find that special someone run with it and don't look back...
Have a G R E A T night sweetie...
2006-12-04 05:00:18 · answer #7 · answered by joy ride 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Just because you choose a celibate life, does not mean you are gay. Stick to your principles, honey! Nothing to be ashamed of!
Congrats on surviving your trials in life. I personally know just how difficult it can be on both accounts! And it takes time to find yourself and find that self-respect that is necessary in order to find that healthy relationship.
Good luck and hang in there!
2006-12-04 05:20:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
it does not sound like you are gay. you should speak with a therapist about your past traumas. hopefully this will help you have a healthy relationship when the right man for you comes along.
2006-12-04 05:10:41 · answer #9 · answered by Spyder 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I dont think you're gay, you're just fed up with guys because of the abuse! so tell your family where to shove it and when you meet your soulmate, (male or female) you'll know
2006-12-04 04:46:58 · answer #10 · answered by britt 2 · 6⤊ 0⤋