My husband has an insane need to have sex. He is constantly making reference to sex, touching me(even when it is not appropriate), asking for sex at inappropriate time(when our 17mo. son is awake, and running around the house), and he gets furious when I say no. He calls me an ice queen. I just don't have any desire to have sex, and it has become a major problem in our marriage. I have even considered divorce, because I am so tired of everything in our lives being referenced back to sex. Any advice?
2006-12-03 20:09:17 · 32 answers · asked by zander's mom 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell him that the more he goes on about it the more he is pushing you away. My partner was the same after we had our children, and I understood and did not push her. I wouldn't even want sex with my partner unless she wanted to aswell. He is selfish and should be more understanding.
2006-12-03 20:14:34 · answer #1 · answered by evs 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋
So I can see why you think he's all over you all the time the poor guy isnt' getting any. naturally he'll be mauling you. Since you say you don't like nor want sex ever. You should let him have a mistress. That is if you like everything else about him and the marriage but come on you have to be fair here. You don't acutally think any man or woman who likes sex should go without it for there whole marriage. I know you can't honestly think thats okay.
So you have to let him get it some where, just tell him you don't need to hear about it and tell him to be very discreet. and you can continue on your way if that makes you both happy.
If you don't agree with this idea. You should let the poor guy go free. this isn't right either.
2006-12-03 20:30:40 · answer #2 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You didn't mention how long you've been married. Seems like there is something more to it than the sex thing. Something bothering you in your relationship other than sex.
Marriage counselling will help you iron things out. You just don't decide divorce when you have a son to consider. Divorce is not the first solution, it's the last.
l hope things get better for you. God bless.
2006-12-03 20:16:21 · answer #3 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HI - agree w/ KAT, but SHAREBEAR is making assumptions . . .
It is quite common to feel unattractive AND un-attracted to your mate, especially after giving birth. You may also be fatigued from caring for your son all day as well. I have some off the wall advice, if you want to try it. Did you ever want something SO BAD that it was killing you? Like chocolate or ice cream or cheese cake? Then you indulge for a week straight on those goodies, and the following week you were almost sick of it? Take a week and have sex with him 5 - 6 times a day just to see if he really wants sex or really wants you and to make you feel desired. MAYBE HE JUST WANTS TO MAKE YOU FEEL DESIRED. Maybe not. A week is a small investment for the life of your marriage.
Also, start asking him for some help around the house and with the baby. You may be less tired, and it will keep him occupied.
2006-12-03 20:33:06 · answer #4 · answered by SMichael 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sexual compatibility is very important in a healthy marriage. If your sex drive is this incompatible with your husband's, it is a very serious issue and if you want your marriage to last, you NEED to try to fix it. Start with marriage counseling; explore the issues behind why you don't want to have sex anymore. Hopefully it will get better from there.
2006-12-03 20:11:44 · answer #5 · answered by Bwilkerson 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell him if he really wants to be supportive that he needs to use his hand and for him to leave you alone. Seriously your pregnant and have a chronic pain condition he needs to back off and be asking if he can bring you anything rather than bothering you about his sexual needs. Maybe buy him a sex toy. From this end I would have to say your husband looks selfish and a bit of a jerk than a supportive husband. Tell him needs to take matter into his own HANDS for the time being. Also explain to him that he might want to get used to it once the baby comes along the opportunity for sex is going to be nil with the sleepless nights and exhaustion.
2016-03-13 03:12:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hai,
U have to be glad in a way that he keeps approaching u..but its understandable that by the end of the day ,having to take care of everything in the house and ur sons needs from morning to evening could exhaust u to no means.
In a way u have to thankful that he has not walked out of the marriage to satisfy himself...and the worst would be when he does...so just try to be a bit more patient...and talk to him..i beleive there is no other solution that would work better then this...It might take some time, but keep trying.Just disconnect ur mind from ur daily chores and give him a suprise !!!!
It should be enjoyable for u as well so make sure u are prepared to enjoy it !!!!!
2006-12-04 00:27:52 · answer #7 · answered by simply magic 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, all men have an insatiable appetite for sex...some are just not as comfortable asking for it. What you need to do is find out why you are not interested in sex. Has your interest in sex decreased or has it always been like this? Then once you feel like you've identified the reasons...you need to communicate them with him that way you can work together on some type of compromise. You need to be honest so that he can understand. Men often feel that when they approach you for sex and you don't want to that it is because of them. Which sometimes is the case but is most likely just because of some other issues that you may be dealing with or typically most woman are not comfortable with sex.
I've felt the same way in my relationship at times when I was having issues at work and stress with my family. Everytime he asked for sex I would tell him to please give me like 5 minutes or I'd tell him in a little bit. We always ended up having sex which was fine, just b/c I know that men need to release their "demons". But there were sometimes when I would get caught up in whatever I was doing when he asked me and I'd forget. He perceived this to be evidence that I didn't want to have sex with him or that I wasn't attracted to him. Which was understandable b/c sometimes I would immediately change my mood to apprehensive. I needed him to know that it wasn't him. I told him about how I was molested and that it wasn't that I had a problem with sex...I just needed to prepare myself mentally sort of because my natural instinct is to pull away...I was referred to as cold as ice to many but that was not for sex but for notting letting anyone get close, well not anyone before my bf.
He understood, yet he forgets sometimes b/c we have a very active sex life. But ultimately, we worked through it by communicating.
You need to speak with him and try to work at it...you need to compromise. If can't be understanding then you neeed to re-evaluate your situation...most importantly seek some coucil for the both of you before getting a divorce...and I mean council as in therapy not a lawyer.
Maybe you need to take some time for just the two of you as I'm sure that being a mother has a lot to do with this.
Good luck!
2006-12-03 20:29:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Let him have affairs, or get divorced. This sounds like an unsolveable problem. I don't think counseling would even stand a chance of helping in your situation.
2006-12-03 20:12:30 · answer #9 · answered by Paul H 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
the best thing that you can do is to pester(as in ,you demand for sex) him when he is 'seriously' busy in any other work .
It is obvious that he will get angry at you then you tell him 'bout your feelings and i am sure that he will then understand .
Incase this doesnt work then a counsellor is always the best choice
2006-12-04 00:24:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋