Separated... does he deserve a 4th chance?

Question

I separated from my husband of 3.5 years last month. He has cheated on me twice (that I know about), and the final straw was that he was lying to me about attending college classes that I ultimately paid for. We have a 1 year old son, and another kid on the way, and he has never really stepped up to the plate for them, either.
I wrote him a letter 2 weeks ago, basically telling him that I need him to be faithful, to be the head of our household, to take care of me and our kids... basic marriage/family stuff- nothing extrodinary, or that shouldnt be expected from anyone married. The following day he told me that he couldnt do the things I asked for in the letter, and that he believed we hadnt been happy for years and that he just wants his son to have 2 happy parents, so he said it was over. I accepted this- if he doesnt want to put effort in, then its not worth it for me. Today he asked me for another chance, and said he said those things so he wouldnt hurt me anymore. I think im done

Answer 1

once a cheater always a cheater. This is coming from a cheater

Answer 2

I would have been done on the first go around but I can sense that you love him. before you get back together what about councelling or therapy of some sort.
what makes him go out and have affairs?
he has to be totally honest and up front with you.
If he has had several affairs I somehow have the impression that there may be more.
there has to be a reason why he can't remain faithful to you
Can he tell you why?
I feel for you. I was in a marriage in some similar manner.
once is enough and I am certain there were more times than once and making mattors worse I raised three children alone.
Be good to you if you don't want it anymore stop now
Accepting your boundaries doesn't make you selfish it makes you a person that gives YOU self Care.
Take care of you

Answer 3

You think you're done? You really think so? I hope you are because you really need to be !! You've been letting him get away with murder! After being duped for so long you should be seething with resentment and rage. Send him another letter. Preferably from an attorney informing him of the impending divorce and the child support he is legally bound to. Quit playing games with this philandering lying bastard and force him to "step up"! He's abused you for too long. Now is the time to sever ties and get what he owes you. Don't be a door mat any longer. Get something for you and your children for a change. A forth chance??!! Are you crazy?? He should have been out the door a long time ago. He doesn't deserve one more second from you. So let the dogs loose on his sorry despicable hide. Get him to court and then tell him to go to hell. And don't let up on him!

Answer 4

I honestly believe everyone deserves a second chance, but not 3 or 4 whatever the case may be. Yes you said it, you think you are done and l know l agree with you on that one. How can you ever trust him to be an honest, reliable husband or parent when he can't even grow up himself !! I'm sorry but if you were to give him another chance l think you would be asking for another let down. Make a new life for yourself and your children and loose this loser !!! Good luck with your new life. Be happy !!!

Answer 5

Please don't give him another chance. I gave my husband many chances and now 16 years later I'm divorcing him. So much of what you write sounds like my soon-to-be-ex. My ex was having affairs during times of our marriage that I thought we were the happiest. He has used me from the very beginning. Possibly if a spouse cheats once, it could be a one time thing, but that's really stretching it. You need to get empowered and find a way to take care of the children without being in his sphere. It takes a lot of strength to get away and it sounds like he'd deflated your self-esteem, which is what usually happens. Find a counselor or some other support person you can talk to. You need someone who can keep you focused and holding you up at the same time. My heart goes out to you.

Answer 6

some human beings can and do replace, particularly whilst there is plenty at stake. The area of your question that bothers me is "I see he's attempting slightly". i do no longer understand what the situations are at the back of your separation yet whilst he quite needs you in his existence he'd extra constructive have an business enterprise know-how on what you and your newborn choose. If somebody needed a reconciliation with me, that they had extra constructive practice it extra desirable than "slightly". purely you recognize what has delivered you as much as now. If there wasn't any abuse or infidelity, and in case you sense a hundred% risk-free in going returned to him, then it quite is quite useful to grant it a shot. yet whilst the habit that delivered approximately the separation starts off displaying up returned, it could be an excellent indication that some issues basically in no way replace. evaluate your newborn specifically. is this guy an remarkable dad? Will he be a competent effect? sturdy success and don't make any speedy judgements. Take it sluggish and learn all your opportunities.

Answer 7

Screw me once shame on you, screw me twice shame on me. now on to The 4th time... They say insanity is repeating the same thing over and over expecting different results. He is not going to change no matter how much you want to believe it deep down. This guy sounds like he is just using you for all you have. You and your kids would be better off without him. Less stress on you (No More Drama) and less stress on the kids being in a stressed out house. There are plenty of men out there that will step up. I am help raising my wife's 2 kids that her daughter's dad hasn't seen her since she was in the hospital (she is now 3) and her son's dad doesn't have time for him(or child support). Just keep doing the right thing and get rid of the cheating loser.

Answer 8

Wow! You must be one hell of a woman to put up with his crap 3 times before, and are considering a 4th.

I think you need to follow the basic guidelines to life: 1) Make sure you are happy; 2) Make sure your kids are healthy and taken care of; and 3) For major decisions, it doesn't matter what you choose as long as the first two rules are met.

I am not clairvoyant, and don't cliam to be a shrink, but I think you would be doing yourself and your kids a major disservice by staying with him. He can choose to be a part of your childrens' lives, but not from within the house.

I hate to break it to you, but if he cheated on you twice (that you know of) double that number. I have seen it far too many times in my line of work to know what a person will and will not admit to.

Time to look after you and your welfare.

Answer 9

I would have to agree. You are done.
Move on with your life before you waste anymore time on this loser.
You gave him one too many chances in my book.
Please do yourself a favor, get some papers started for a divorce and child support.
Good luck to you.
I had a repeated offender like yours, kept coming back, I kept taking him. I too was pregnant with our second child when I finally said enough. Now it's been almost nine years later, I'm remarried with the most awesome FAITHFUL husband that adores me and the kids and we just had our own baby.
Life goes on and you can be happy again.

Answer 10

3.5 years and he still hasnt changed, if he really knew whats best for him he would leave you and the children alone and stop playing with your heart. I mean its ok for him to be apart of the childrens life but really you need to carry on without him and just focus on your childrens lives. You will find someone out there that is more deserving of your love than someone that keeps taking advantage of it. Every time you take him back he just knows that he can enter in and out of it when HE feels like he wants to. If he really wants you back for a 4th time then he needs to respect your wishes and be faithful. I really think that you are going to find it really hard to trust him thou. So its really up to you. I hope you do the right thing and respect yourself. good luck and hope things go well.

Answer 11

Actions count! Words are worthless.

Bottom line, you are looking for a grown-up to be your husband and father of your children. Your husband does not sound like he wants to grow up. Grown-ups put family and responsabilities first! His actions indicate he wants no part of this.

You already know this, but if you take him back, there's a good chance he's not really going to grow up.

Good luck with whatever you decide.