We've been together for nearly 3 years. I am currently 22 and he is 34. I feel like we are growing apart because of our pride, we spend increasing amounts of time apart. I know he loves me, and I deeply love him, we want a life together and I am currently 37 wks pregnant with our planned baby. He makes it very difficult for me to be happy with him, he is just naturally a negative type of person, very judgmental, and pretty much arrogant and fairly self centred. I will admit that I am growing increasingly negative as well, its hard not to, and I end up critising him! I some times feel as tho the only reason he's with me is because I am another possecion to him-he's materialistic-as I am not bad looking and can hold intelligent conversations with the 'type' of people he likes to be around. (snobs) lately we are in a habit of basicly ignoring each other, acting as if we dont care, rarely have sex, and show minimal affection, we are becomeing competitive toward each other! ...HELP?!?!
2006-12-03 18:05:30 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No we havent been like this always, as I am not stupid and WOULD NOT have decided on having a baby with some one I dint intend on staying with. we've become like this since I was around 2 months pregnant. I don't think I worded this question wrong as ALL the answers/responses are not really what I was looking for.
THANK ALL OF YOU ANYWAY!
2006-12-03 18:42:38 · update #1
And you're having a baby? Don't think a baby will make things any better. Alot of times it goes the oher way. The worse thing both of you can do is critisize or ignore each other; that's the wrong direction to head. You both need to start communicating before it's too late.
2006-12-03 18:09:29 · answer #1 · answered by Nancy D 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, what ever the state of your relationship is with him is going to change when the baby is born. There is no avoiding that. It will because a baby is " all encompassing". What I mean is that the baby will be in your thoughts every moment of everyday for the rest of your life.
So if you accept that starting now and can help him to understand that then you can work on the other issues in your relationship with him. The cold reality is that you may even drift farther apart when the baby comes. It's unlikely that the birth of the baby will suddenly make him a positive, happy go lucky guy and walk with a sunshiny smile on his face.
Men want as much attention as babies do, and can feel displaced by thier children when they aren't very secure in themselves and thier relationship with thier girlfriends/wives.
It sounds to me like he's this way already, especially needing to surround himself with the overexceedingly "materialistic, intelligent snobs" to solidify his self worth.
I'm not saying that he won't love the baby and you're doomed. What I'm saying is that it poses a challenge for even the strongest of relationships when a baby arrives. You need to decide for yourself and the baby what kind of environment you want the baby to grow up in. A happy, loving, generous, affectionate home? Or one that is laced with competition and arrogance and negativity?
The baby is the most important thing here.. you'll know that once it arrives.. you'll do just about anything in the world for your child.
Good luck and congratulations.. and get all the sleep you can now as you'll really miss it in the future.
2006-12-04 02:35:39 · answer #2 · answered by Kris17 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think being pregnant has a bit to do with how you are feeling but if this continues after the birth of your child then you need to sit him down and tell him that things need to change between you two. Don't sound as if your threatening him because we all know how the male ego works and that will just make things worse. Let him know that you love him and want to make your family work but also you need to be happy in the relationship. Hopefully things will get better from then on. One piece of advice though, if things don't change and you are not happy in the relationship, don't stay with him because you feel your obligated because you have a baby together. I learned first hand, one of the worst things a mother can do to her child is raise them in a home where there is no warmth or love. Kids know from day 1 when things "aren't right". They can sense everything around them and if they are brought into it from the get go then they will grow up believing that this is the way things are supposed to be. By doing that you will deprive your child of ever having a real and loving relationship themselves. This is just MY thoughts and opinions on your situation. I hope at least some of it helps you. Good luck and take care.
2006-12-04 02:20:07 · answer #3 · answered by itsjustme 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart I know that it seems as though you two are ignoring each other, but he may be scared that you two are becoming parents its a scary thing. My son's father became very angry and violent throughout my pregnancy it resulted in me leaving him 4 months after I had our son. He never wanted to communicate about anything. THAT'S THE KEY YOU NEED TO COMMUNICATE. Hopefully it hasn't always been like this and that maybe he will see what is going on. You need to make sure you have as little stress and worrying as possible for the sake of the baby's health.
2006-12-04 02:17:42 · answer #4 · answered by kort 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is negative because he has experienced more in life than u have. u still have the teenager wide-eyed fairy tale look on life that does not exist. he probably does care for u but love is a myth that does not exist. he is willing to put up with your immature ways and ideas, so ease up or quit living off of him and move on. it sounds like he is the bread winner in the relationship, maybe he is just tired of u spending his money and not giving nothing in return like most women. oooops i forgot u do a big load of crap
2006-12-04 02:33:36 · answer #5 · answered by keithy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Nice, real nice........ And you wanted to bring a baby into this mess. I am once again amazed and disgusted at how people are so selfish. WHY would you get pregnant? Your kid is coming into such a great life. Live with it baby, you stepped into it so deal with it.
2006-12-04 02:09:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie the most important thing to think about is the baby that is growing inside of you.
2006-12-04 03:37:40 · answer #7 · answered by gundychick 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear, none of the above sounds positive at all. What makes you think you actually love each other?
2006-12-04 02:15:35 · answer #8 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You neglect to say he knocked up a girl and married and soon divorced her. And you have a kid from another relationship too. Sounds like you guys try to solve problems by creating more (children).
2006-12-04 02:18:25 · answer #9 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why would you want to be in love with a negative, judgemental, arrogant person????
And then have a child with him??????
Sweetie, you need to raise your standards in men.
2006-12-04 02:08:12 · answer #10 · answered by johngolfs2002 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋